Tag Archives: Automatic Negative Thoughts

Perfectionism and Unreasonable Expectations

Anxiety, Cognitive Distortions, Mental Health, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

Managing our social anxiety and depression.

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChaneling

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided apply to most emotional malfunctions, including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and self-esteem and motivation issues. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.  

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)   

Perfectionism and Unreasonable Expectations

Negative self-analysis compels us to overcompensate. A byproduct of overcompensation is perfectionism. Perfectionism causes us to set unreasonable expectations.

None of us is perfect. We all conceal things about ourselves that make us appear defective or inadequate. Often, we hide these indiscretions from ourselves by engaging in defense mechanisms such as denial and projection. Or we cognitively distort our toxic behaviors to justify or validate them. We distract, project, and rationalize.

Living with persistent negative self-beliefs for years on end is emotionally destabilizing. Persons experiencing social anxiety crave interconnectedness, but fears of intimacy and rejection challenge the wherewithal to establish and maintain healthy relationships. Our fears of negative judgment and criticism limit creativity and interactivity. These difficulties challenge our psychological health, compelling us to use defense mechanisms. Any mental process that protects us from our fears, anxieties, and threats to our emotional well-being can be considered a defense mechanism.

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Defense Mechanisms

Defense mechanisms are psychological responses that protect us from our unrelenting anxieties. They temporarily appease our sense of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness. They allow us to twist reality to conform to our irrational and unhealthy conduct.

Defense mechanisms are short-term safeguards against the thoughts and emotions that are difficult for our conscious minds to manage. Most, like compensation, substance abuse, and projection are methods of avoidance – unhealthy resolutions to our fears and anxieties that offer temporary respite but do little to moderate them in the long term. 

Some defense mechanisms, when used appropriately, can be beneficial. Without coping mechanisms, healthy or otherwise, we can experience decompensation – the inability or unwillingness to generate effective psychological alternatives to stress – resulting in personality disturbance or disintegration.

Compensation

Compensation is when we excel in one area of our lives to counteract real or perceived deficits in another. The socially inadequate becomes an actor or musician. A teenager compensates for learning difficulties by excelling in sports.

Compensation has healthy applications. We compensate for our adverse thoughts and behaviors by replacing them with positive, productive ones. We compensate for our low self-esteem by becoming mindful of our character strengths, virtues, and achievements. 

Our social anxiety has negatively impacted our emotional well-being and quality of life since childhood. Our obsession with our performance and shortcomings is a constant self-reminder of our imperfections. Our symptomatic negative self-analysis provides feelings of incompetence and undesirability. These self-attributions compel us to overcompensate, which drives us to create unreasonable expectations.  

An expectation, by definition, is a fervid emotional belief that something will take place in the future. When we set expectations, we invest an interest in their outcome. An unreasonable expectation is unsound and will likely be unmet.

The Problem of Perfectionism

An unhealthy byproduct of overcompensation is falling into the trap of perfectionism. This is especially prevalent in persons experiencing anxiety and depression. Perfectionism causes us to set unreasonable expectations to compensate for our perceived deficiencies. Let’s discuss some glaring similarities between social anxiety disorder and perfectionism.

Seek Progress, Not Perfection

SAD persons worry about their performance before and during a situation and obsess about the outcome long after. We fear negative appraisal and rejection. We beat ourselves up when our unreasonable expectations are unmet. Perfectionism is not the desire to do well but the need to be faultless. Anything less is unsatisfactory. Perfectionism and social anxiety have a parallel relationship.

Perfectionists and SAD persons have lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls.

A perfectionist perceives anything less than perfection as failure. It’s the all-or-nothing distortion of polarized thinking common among SAD persons. We see things as absolute – black or white. There is no middle ground, no compromise. We are either brilliant or abject failures. Our friends are for us or against us. If we are not faultless, we must be broken and inept. 

Perfectionists and SAD persons avoid situations that project potential failure. We worry so much about doing or saying something inappropriate that we procrastinate or avoid the situation entirely. This avoidance exacerbates our isolation and loneliness.

Perfectionists do not take criticism well. A prevailing symptom of social anxiety disorder is the fear of situations in which we may be negatively judged, criticized, or ridiculed. Because of our critical nature and tendency to reject out of fear of rejection, perfectionists and SAD persons are, ostensibly, lonely or isolated, which seriously impacts our ability to initiate, develop, and sustain satisfying relationships. 

Perfectionists obsess over their perceived imperfections. Rather than taking pride in their abilities, they prioritize their faults. Filtering is a cognitive distortion common to SAD persons. We selectively choose our perspective. We focus on the negative aspects of a situation and exclude the positive. Negative filtering sustains our toxic core and intermediate beliefs. Example: A dozen colleagues celebrate our promotion; one ignores us. We obsess over the lone individual over the goodwill of the others.

Unmet Expectations

What happens in the likelihood our unreasonable expectations are unmet? Because we have a vested interest, we are psychologically attached to the outcome. Fixed In our minds, we see it as a reality. When it does not go our way, we experience distress and disappointment.

Experts describe the reaction to disappointment as a form of sadness – an expression of desperation or grief due to loss. While it is true that we cannot lose what we have not acquired, fixing the expectation in our mind makes it real and visceral. Unmet expectations can lead to depression, self-loathing, and other traits associated with perfectionism and social anxiety.

Setting Reasonable Expectations

It is human nature to want to aspire to excellence. How do we set reasonable expectations when our perfectionism demands the brass ring? Reasonable expectations that are rational, possible, positive, unconditional, and goal-focused are more likely to be met. 

Rational: Of sound judgment; sensible. I will publish my first novel is an unreasonable expectation if we choose to remain illiterate.

Possible: If our expectations are unachievable, our efforts are futile. 

Positive:  Supporting negative behavior is detrimental to our emotional well-being. It is, likewise, irrational and, therefore, unreasonable to self-harm. Avoid pressure, negative absolute, and conditional words.

Unconditional: Imposing conditions on our expectations decreases the probability of success. Our goal is clear and concise, unimpeded by caveats.

Goal-Focused: If we know our destination, our path will be focused and coherent. The most effective expectations are calculated and specific to our intention. What is our end goal – the personal milestone we want to achieve? 

Set Expectations Early On

Setting expectations carefully in advance allows us to preplan strategies and coping mechanisms to help meet them.

Self-Esteem and Other-Esteem

Perfectionists and persons experiencing SAD are subject to significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Latent self-qualities, however, can be regenerated through specific tools and techniques. Healthy self-esteem accelerates and consolidates the structure and effectiveness of reasonable expectations. Rebuilding our self-esteem is a primary objective in recovery and self-empowerment.

Notwithstanding, we can only reasonably set expectations of ourselves. Setting expectations of others will result in frustration and disappointment because we have no control over their outcome. It is called self-esteem, not other-esteem. We only have jurisdiction over internal expectations. 

Don’t Beat Yourself Up

No matter how reasonably we set them, occasionally, our expectations will be partially or wholly unmet. We may need to modify them to accommodate the situation. We may need more practice or to extend our planned timeframe. Reasonable expectations require flexibility. While we control our reactions and responses to situations, we are subject to external factors over which we have no control. It is part of the learning process. If we reframe our perspective, we will discover the positive aspects of every experience. 

Avoid Distorted Thinking

Perfectionists and persons experiencing social anxiety are highly susceptible to cognitive distortions and other defense mechanisms. Knowing what these are and being mindful of our misuse is essential. 

Self-Appreciation 

Self-appreciation is recognizing and enjoying our good qualities, efforts, and achievements. For every positive attempt or interaction, congratulate yourself. You deserve to experience the pride and satisfaction that complements such efforts fully. Always be kind to yourself.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. If we are foolishly determined to fly, our wings will melt and hurdle us to the ground. Recovery, however, is a life’s work in progress. There is no absolute cure for social anxiety, but by practicing the recovery tools and tools over time, we experience an exponential and dramatic moderation of our symptoms.

The key is always progress over perfection.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

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WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing neuroscience and psychology including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.

Negative Words Impede Recovery

Anxiety, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChannelng

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided apply to most emotional malfunctions, including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and self-esteem and motivation issues. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.  

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)   

Negative Words Impede Recovery

“I believe that a negative statement is poison.
I’m convinced that the negative has power. It lives.
And if you allow it to perch in your house,
in your mind, in your life, it can take you over.”
— Maya Angelou

Words have enormous power; they influence, encourage, and destroy. They are a source of compassion, creativity, courage, and intimacy. They evoke desire, emotion, fear, and joy. They lift our spirits, inspire our imaginations, and plunge us into the depths of despair. 

Recovery Objectives

The primary goal of recovery from social anxiety is the moderation of our irrational fears and anxieties.

We execute this through a three-pronged approach. We:

  1. Replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones.
  2. Produce rapid neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network.
  3. Regenerate our self-esteem.

These comprise our overall strategy.

Negativity Trajectory

Childhood disturbance prompts our negative core and intermediate beliefs, which establish the attitudes, rules, and assumptions that produce our maladaptive understandings of the self and the world. Attitudes refer to our emotions, convictions, and behaviors. Rules are the principles or regulations that influence our behaviors, and our assumptions are what we believe to be authentic.

Simply put, our neural network is replete with toxic information manifest by the negative words that convey our conditioning and disrupt our strategy.

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Negative Overabundance

We are consumed and conditioned by negative words. Some of us use the same unfortunate words over and over again. The more we hear, read, or speak a word or phrase, the more power it has over us. By the age of sixteen, for example, we have heard the word no from our parents roughly 135,000 times. 

Our SAD-induced adverse self-appraisal compels automatic negative thoughts of incompetency, undesirability, and other forms of negative self-labeling. The illusory truth effect describes how repeatedly hearing the same false information compels us to accept its veracity.

Our brain accelerates and consolidates learning through repetition.

Neural Negativity

Our neural network has structured itself around emotionally hostile information. It is not just the words we say out loud in criticism and conversations. The self-annihilating words we silently call ourselves are even more destructive. They support our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs).

Negative words cause our neural network to transmit chemical hormones that impair our logic, reasoning, and communication, impacting the parts of our brain that regulate our memory, concentration, and emotions.

Our recovery objective is to replace this information with positive, productive neural input. Additionally, positive reframing helps replace our negative thoughts and behaviors.

Negative Word Categories

Three categories or types of negative words concern us. Negative absolutes like no one, nobody, nothing, and nowhere substantiate our isolation and avoidance of relationships. Qualifiers such as barely, maybe, and perhaps devalue our commitment, while our self-appraisal, expressed by can’t, shouldn’t, and won’t, provokes our sense of incompetence and inferiority.

It is prudent to become mindful of and eliminate these types of words from our thoughts and vocabulary: 

Pressure Words

Pressure Words like should and would equivocate our commitment. “I should start my diet” means perhaps I will and maybe I won’t. Pressure words permit us to change our minds, procrastinate, and fail. (We are either on a diet or will be on a diet.) The pressure comes from the guilt of potentially doing nothing (I should’ve done that).

Negative Absolute Words

The impact of won’t, can’t, and the like is obvious. Consider the two statements: “I won’t learn much from that lecture” and “I will gain something from that lecture.” Which one offers the probability we will attend? Negative absolute words also include never, impossible, and every time. “Every time I try …”

Conditional Words 

Conditional words like possibly, maybe, and might weaken our commitment. They originate in doubt and manifest in avoidance and procrastination. “Maybe I will start my diet” is not a firm commitment. Qualifying and conditional words or statements provide an excuse to deviate and obfuscate. “I will not drink at the office party” is a more robust commitment than “I will not drink at the party unless I get nervous.” Qualifying or conditional words or statements are also pre-justifications for our failures. (I might have won if only …)  Other conditional words include ought, must, and have to.

Hate

Hate is a highly destructive sentiment to describe something we dislike. “I hate doing the dishes.” Do we really, or do we just dislike doing the dishes? Hate is an emotion; dislike is a feeling. Feelings quickly dissipate, while emotions can metastasize. Some experts argue the word or sense of hate has value in healing. Notwithstanding, the words correlate to rage, resentment, and fear, feelings we seek to moderate in recovery.

It is essential to remain mindful of the harmful nature of these words and eliminate them from our self-referencing thoughts and usage. They adversely impact the integrity and efficacy of our neural information as well as the replacement of negative thoughts and behaviors. 

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

*          *          *

WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing neuroscience and psychology including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.

Coping Strategies for Social Anxiety

Anxiety, Behavior, Coping Mechanisms, Mental Health, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided apply to most emotional malfunctions, including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and self-esteem and motivation issues. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.  

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)   

Coping Strategies for Social Anxiety

“Success depends upon previous preparation,
and without such preparation, there is sure to be failure.”
– Confucius

Social anxiety disorder is culturally identifiable by the persistent fear and avoidance of social interaction and performance situations, which causes us to miss the life experiences that connect us with the world. Our recovery goal is the general outcome we mean to achieve. The objectives are the actions or measurable steps taken to achieve our goal.  

Our goal, then, is the dramatic moderation of our fears of social interconnectivity. To achieve this, we identify three objectives: To (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) produce rapid neurological stimulation to restructure our neural network, and (3) regenerate our self-esteem.

Coping strategies are the methods or approaches we devise to execute these objectives. Coping mechanisms are tools and techniques that implement our strategies. The distinction is important.

We are at war, and social anxiety is the enemy. Successfully challenging our fears/anxieties requires an adaptive plan of action. A military strategist is skilled in designing a plan to overwhelm the enemy. As strategists for our recovery, we are responsible for developing a cohesive plan to meet our three objectives. These can involve multiple strategies.

Situations

A situation is a set of circumstances – the facts, conditions, and incidents affecting us at a particular time in a specific place. A feared situation provokes fears/anxieties that negatively impact our activities and associations.

Two Types of Situations

Two types of situations concern us. Anticipated situations include those that we know, in advance, will provoke our fears/anxieties.  Examples range from restaurants and the classroom to job interviews, family gatherings, and social events. They can be one-time situations like a job interview or social event. They can be recurring situations such as the classroom or work environment.

Unexpected situations are those that catch us by surprise. An accident, an unexpected guest, and losing your wallet are unexpected situations. 

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Automatic Negative Thoughts

Automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are the immediate, involuntary, emotional expressions that occur when our situational fears/anxieties confront us. They are the unpleasant, self-defeating things we tell ourselves that define who we are, who we think we are, and who we think others think we are.

ANTs are borne of our negative core and intermediate beliefs and the symptoms of our social anxiety, e.g., “No one will talk to me.” “I will do something stupid.” “I am a loser.” Adverse behaviors consequently accompany these self-maligning thoughts.

Identifying situations and unpacking associated fears and corresponding ANTs are crucial to recovery. Our issues are as distinctive as our environments and experiences.

9-Step Process for Rational Response

Moderating our associated fears/anxieties and corresponding ANTs demands an integrated approach. Through what we call the 9-Step Process for Rational Response, we learn to: 

1. Identify our Feared Situation. Where are we when we feel anxious or fearful and what activities are involved? What are we thinking? What might we be doing? Who and what impacts these insecure feelings? 

2. Identify our Associated Fear(s). One way to identify our associated fears/anxieties is to ask ourselves the following: What is problematic about the situation? How do I feel (physically, intellectually, emotionally, spiritually)? What is my specific concern or worry? What is the worst thing that could happen to me? What might happen to me?

3. Unmask our Corresponding ANTs. How do we express our fear/anxieties? What are our involuntary emotional expressions or images? How do we negatively self-label? What do we tell ourselves?

4. Examine and Analyze Our Fear(s) and ANTs. What are the stimuli to our fears/anxieties? How do we express them? Discovery approaches include cognitive comprehension, introspection, psychoeducation, and the vertical arrow technique.

5. Generate Rational Responses. We become mindful of the irrationality and self-destructive nature of our associated fears/anxieties and corresponding ANTs. We unmask, examine, and analyze the cognitive distortions and maladaptive behaviors that validate or reinforce them. Then, we devise rational responses to counter our false assumptions.

Cognitive distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that interpret experiences in ways that don’t represent reality. We twist it to reinforce or justify our toxic behaviors and validate our destructive thoughts and conduct. Rational Responses are self-empowering statements we devise to counter our situational fears/anxieties and ANTs.

6. Reconstruct Our Thought Patterns. Through proactive neuroplasticity and cognitive approaches, we reframe or convert our thought patterns by replacing or overwhelming them with healthy productive ones. This is an essential component of recovery.

7. Devise a Structured Plan. Utilizing our learned tools and techniques, we develop our coping strategies and mechanisms to challenge our situational fears/anxieties, irrational thoughts, and maladaptive behaviors.

8. Practice the Plan in Non-Threatening Situations. We strengthen our rational responses by repeatedly implementing our plan in simulated situations and practicing exercises, including role-play and other workshop interactivities.

9. Expose Ourselves to the Situation. We challenge our fears/anxieties on-site in real-life situations. This transpires after a suitable period of graded exposure to accommodate the reconstruction of our neural network and ensure familiarity with our strategies and coping mechanisms.

Coping Strategies

Coping strategies are processes or tools to help us manage stress. Since maladaptive is particular to social anxiety disorder, we emphasize adaptive strategies to counter our negative thoughts and behaviors. Researchers claim over 400 coping strategies designed to address emotional malfunction, including problem, emotion, social, and meaning-focused.

Our recovery programs emphasize response-focused and solution-focused strategies, but we consider multiple approaches in an individually targeted recovery program.

Emotion-focused coping strategies focus on managing or regulating our emotional response to feared situations. Identifying the emotions associated with a stressor is essential to moderating them. In the first three of our 9-Step Process for Rational Response, we identify the feared situation, associated fears/anxieties, and corresponding ANTs.

Problem-focused coping strategies employ the same tools and techniques as our solution-focused strategy. One crucial distinction: the pathographic disease model of mental health focuses on the problem, whereas the wellness model we favor emphasizes the solution.

Recovery is a here-and-now process. The past is immutable. We have no control over it beyond our response to it. It is the here-and-now and how it reflects on the future that is of value in recovery.

Meaning-focused coping strategies entail rationalizing or delegating responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors to a moral or religious code or influence, which can encourage negatively valanced emotions like shame, guilt, and blame. The more rational approach emphasizes personal accountability and self-determination.

Social coping strategies are essential to counter our fears of human interconnectivity and avoidance of social situations. Graded exposure includes practiced cognitive-behavioral techniques that reduce sensitivity to our feared situations. The 9-Step Process for Rational Response encourages systematic desensitization of our fears/anxieties in non-threatening workshop environments before exposure to real-life situations.

Avoidance-focused coping strategies pursue alternate activities to avoid situations that endanger our emotional well-being. They are short-term solutions. In the long term, we moderate our fears/anxieties by learning to respond rationally to them, allowing us to engage in feared situations at our discretion.

Avoidance is a major symptom of our social anxiety, and our primary goal is to moderate our anxieties/fears rather than avoid them.

Restructuring, replacing, and regenerating comprise the framework for recovery and self-empowerment. A coalescence of coping strategies is needed to accommodate these goals as well as the diversity of human thought and experience.

Best Strategies for Social Anxiety

Response-based coping strategies, which we focus on in our recovery programs, pay particular attention to generating rational responses to our maladaptive thoughts and behaviors. We facilitate this component of recovery in the first four of the 9-Step Process for Rational Response. Further consolidation is achieved through cognitive comprehension, introspection, psychoeducation, and other psychological and scientific approaches.

Solution-based strategies keep our attention centered on finding solutions rather than researching the origins of our problems. Recovery is a here-and-now and how it reflects on the future process. We define ourselves by our character strengths, virtues, and attributes rather than our symptoms. Delving into the origins and early trajectory of our negative thoughts and behavior, if deemed necessary, is the purview of psychoanalysis.

Recovery relies on self-reliance and self-motivation. The onus rests with the recovering individual. A comprehensive recovery program is individually targeted and emphasizes the solution, rather than the problem.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

*          *          *

WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.

The Character Resume

Anxiety, Behavior, Depression, Mental Health, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Self-Empowerment, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, panic disorder, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. 

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)   

The Character Resume

“Human greatness does not lie in wealth or power,
but in character and goodness. People are just people,
and all people have faults and shortcomings,
but all of us are born with a basic goodness.”
– Anne Frank

A character resume is a written compilation of our positive qualities, achievements, and memories. Mindfully retrieving and cataloging these qualities compels us to embrace our value, confirming we are desirable, consequential, and worthy.

Mindfulness is recognition, cognition, and acceptance of reality, as opposed to an opinion or belief lacking evidence or foundation. Self-esteem is mindfulness of our value to self, society, and the world. The trajectory of our negative self-beliefs disrupts the development of our positive self-qualities. This, then, erodes mindfulness of our inherent and acquired character strengths, virtues, and attributes. Fortunately, these qualities are not erased but misplaced, lost, stolen, or compartmentalized away from our consciousness.

The definition of recovery is regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost. In social anxiety and comorbidities, what has been stolen or lost is our emotional well-being and quality of life.

Insufficient Satisfaction of Needs

Self-esteem can further be understood as a complex interrelationship between how we think about ourselves, how we think others perceive us, and how we process and present that information. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs reveals how childhood disturbance and subsequent negative self-beliefs disrupt our emotional development by denying us satisfaction of certain fundamental needs.

Core beliefs of abandonment, detachment, exploitation, and neglect subvert certain biological, physiological, and emotional support. This lacuna negatively impacts our self-esteem which we express by undervaluing our positive qualities. Again, this does not signify obliteration, but diminishment or latency due to inactivity or suppression. 

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Purpose of the Character Resume

In his examination of anxiety and depression, Aaron Beck, the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy, maintained that social anxiety provokes feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and unworthiness. The concept of undesirability revealed itself in our SAD recovery workshops. Until we commit to recovery, we continue to be manipulated by these destructive self-beliefs. 

Again, to emphasize Sun Tzu’s words of wisdom, “If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.” I am continually amazed at how little SAD persons know their symptoms. It is as if, by ignoring them, they do not exist or will somehow go away. Ignorance is a major impediment to recovery. How can we fix something if we do not know why it malfunctions? How do we regenerate our character qualities if we remain blissfully unaware of what they are? Thus, the value of the character resume.

An objective of recovery is to become mindful of our inherent and acquired character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements. This includes mutual consideration of our shortfalls, as well. Again, we are repairing our brokenness.

Elements of a Character Resume

What goes into our character resume? The simple answer is anything and everything that stimulates a positive personal response including our successes, achievements, contributions, personal milestones, talents, charitable deeds, and happy memories.

How does building a character resume support our recovery?

Overwhelming Negativity

Childhood disturbance generates negative core beliefs that influence our intermediate attitudes, rules, and assumptions. These attributions produce a cognitive bias that compels us to misinterpret information and make self-destructive decisions. Since we humans are hard-wired with a negativity bias, we already respond more favorably to adversity. Add our SAD symptomatology and our neural network is replete with toxic information.

We convey this in our thoughts, behaviors, and the words we use to express them.

Throughout our lives, we are consumed and conditioned by adversity. SAD sustains itself through our negative self-beliefs and image. By the age of sixteen, we have heard the word no from our parents, roughly, 135,000 times. Some of us use the same unfortunate characterizations repeatedly. It is not just the words we say aloud in criticism and conversations. The self-annihilating words we silently call ourselves support our adverse thoughts and behaviors.

Additionally, we are continuously impacted by outside negative forces over which we have limited to no control, such as life’s vicissitudes, physical deterioration, and subjected hostilities.

Our neural network is replete with negative information. A character resume is a constant, visual reminder of our value and significance.

Utilizing Our Character Resume

The primary goal of recovery from social anxiety is the moderation of our irrational fears and anxieties. This is best achieved through a three-pronged approach. To (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) regenerate our self-esteem.

These comprise our overall strategy.

Replace

The goal is to replace or overwhelm our adverse thoughts and behaviors with positive ones. Our character resume is constructed with our positive qualities, achievements, and memories. It is these attributions that replace the abundance of negative self-beliefs acquired throughout life. These qualities that were lost, misplaced, or compartmentalized, are retrieved and recognized through recovery approaches, e.g., personal introspection and inventory, memory work, cognitive comprehension, and other tools and techniques. They are subsequently input into our character resume.

Restructure

Proactive neuroplasticity produces rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network. Our brain receives around two million bits of data per second but is capable of processing roughly 126 bits, so it is important to provide substantial information. DRNI is the deliberate, repetitive, neural input of Information. A deliberate act is a premeditated one; we initiate and control the process. Repetition accelerates and consolidates neural renewal and connectivity. Information that is sound, reasonable, goal-focused, and unconditional determines its strength and integrity. The information we assemble in our character resume generates the most efficient words and statements to accelerate and consolidate the process of neural restructuring.

Regenerate

Regenerate means to renew or restore something, especially after it has been damaged or lost. The qualities that comprise our self-esteem have been misplaced, lost, stolen, or compartmentalized away from our consciousness due to the disruption in our psychological development.

The process of regeneration in recovery is supported by clinically practical tools and techniques designed for the process. Also, the three goals or strategies of recovery – replace, restructure, and regenerate – are complementary and mutually interactive.

What Goes Into our Character Resume?

Some of the entries into our character resume include our positive personal affirmations, rational response to our ANTs, affirmative visualizations, character strengths, virtues, and attributes rediscovered through various exercises, retrievable happy memories, and self-esteem attributes from various inventories.

One additional and equally important benefit of a character resume is the constant and renewed reminder of what we have complied on the written page. It is an invaluable resource to moderate those situations that may continue to generate automatic negative thoughts, behaviors, and other adverse self-beliefs.

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Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

*          *          *

WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.

Know the Enemy: Social Anxiety Disorder

Anxiety, Behavior, Mental Health, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , ,

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid Málaga)   

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, panic disorder, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. 

Know the Enemy: Social Anxiety Disorder

The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid,
but he who conquers that fear.
– Nelson Mandela

Social anxiety disorder is the most underrated, misunderstood, and misdiagnosed disorder. Nicknamed the neglected anxiety disorder, few experts understand SAD and even fewer know how to address it. Recovery is best conducted by someone who has experienced social anxiety disorder and knows how to deal with it. When we go to war, we are not led by a theoretician, but by a tactician who has experienced battle. And make no mistake about it, we are at war and social anxiety disorder is the enemy.

Know Your Enemy

To successfully engage this sinister adversary we must learn its tactics and the scope of its weaponry. From that, we devise our stratagem. That is the substance of recovery. This is a war for control over our emotional well-being and quality of life. 

As the world’s third-largest mental health care problem, SAD is culturally identifiable by our persistent fear of social interaction and performance situations. Our suspicions of criticism, ridicule, and rejection are so severe, we avoid the healthy life experiences that interconnect us to others and the world. It is not the fears that devastate our lives; it is the things we do to avoid them. We have far more to fear from our distorted perceptions than what we might encounter in the real world. Our imagination takes us to dark and lonely places. 

Automatic Negative Thoughts

Automatic Negative Thoughts (ANTs) are anxiety-provoking thoughts or emotions that occur in anticipation of or reaction to a situation. They are unpleasant expressions of our self-perspectives – predetermined assumptions of what will happen when we expose ourselves to our fears.
(“I am incompetent. “No one will talk to me.” “I’ll say something stupid.”)  . 

These cognitively distorted responses stem from an endless feedback loop of hopelessness, helplessness, undesirability, and worthlessness, leading to self-destructive thoughts and behaviors. 

We fear the unknown and unexplored. We obsess about upcoming events and how we will reveal our shortcomings. We experience anticipatory anxiety for weeks before a situation and anticipate the worst. We remember those events in high school when we were the last to be chosen. The times we felt shunned when we tried to interconnect. SAD sustains itself by focusing on the negative aspects of our life. 

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Defining Recovery

The definition of recovery is regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost. In neuroses such as anxiety, depression, and comorbidities, what has been stolen or lost is our emotional well-being and quality of life.

Symptoms

Chronic and debilitating, SAD attacks on all fronts, manifesting in mental confusion, emotional instability, physical dysfunction, and spiritual malaise. Emotionally, we are despondent and lonely. We are subject to unwarranted sweating, trembling, hyperventilation, nausea, and muscle spasms. Mentally, our thoughts are discordant and irrational. Spiritually, we define ourselves as inadequate and insignificant. Additionally, many of us endure depression and turn to substance abuse to blunt the pain of our condition.

The Here and Now

While we understand the relevance of past circumstances, the focus of recovery is on the present and the solution. In the case of David Z., his recollections of childhood physical and emotional abuse helped him understand and moderate his mistrust and intimacy. Recovery, for the most part, is a here-and-now endeavor. Understanding the past is not unhelpful, but it is not our priority. The past is immutable, the future definable by our actions in the present.

Trapped and Crippled

Do you feel trapped in a vicious circle, restricted from living a normal life: Do you feel alienated from your peers and isolate yourself from family and friends? Do you spurn new relationships in anticipation of rejection? Do you repeat the same mistakes over and over again?  

As one client sorrowfully confided, “Anxiety has crippled me, locked me in a cage and has become my master.”

Feeling anxious or apprehensive in certain situations is normal; most of us are nervous speaking in front of a group and anxious when visiting our dentist. The typical individual recognizes the normality of a situation and accords appropriate attention. The SAD person dreads it, dramatizes it, and obsesses about its perceptual ramifications. We make mountains out of molehills and spend our days in tortuous anticipation of projected negative outcomes. We guarantee our failure through SAD-fulfilling prophecies.

We intuitively know it is an irrational and maddening way to live. We have tried everything to circumvent our behavioral patterns, yet nothing seems to work. That is because SAD thrives on counterproductivity, a tactic that provokes the opposite of the desired effect.

Established recovery approaches fail because they are not designed to address this peculiarity. SAD is the ultimate enigma – an intractable condition difficult to comprehend. The purpose of recovery is to unravel the enigma and defeat the enemy. Know your enemy.

Do you feel like you are under a microscope, and everyone is judging or criticizing you? Do you worry you are making a poor impression on individuals who do not matter? Are you inordinately concerned about what you might do, how you look, and how you express yourself? 

We live with persistent anxiety and fear of social situations such as dating, interviewing for a position, and contributing to class. We anticipate others will deem us incompetent, stupid, or undesirable. Often, mere functionality in perfunctory situations – eating in front of others, riding a bus, using a public restroom – is unduly stressful. 

The fear that manifests in social situations seems so fierce, we feel it is uncontrollable, a conclusion that manifests in perceptions of weakness and helplessness. We avoid situations where there is the potential for mistakes; imperfection is intolerable. Constant negative self-evaluation disrupts our desire to pursue a goal, attend school, or form relationships.

SAD Symptoms, Fears, and Apprehensions

Social Interaction

Do you imagine you are the curiosity in the room – the scrutiny of everyone’s attention? Do you worry that people will notice you sweating or blushing? That your voice will tremble and become incoherent?

We are overly concerned that our fears and anxieties are glaringly obvious to everyone. The overriding fear of being found wanting manifests in our self-perspectives of incompetence and unattractiveness. We walk on eggshells, supremely conscious of our awkwardness, surrendering to the GAZE―the anxious state of mind that comes with the fear of being the center of attention.

We are reminded of that phrase from the Book of David: “You have been weighed on the scales and you have been found wanting.” It is a self-perception difficult to reconcile when SAD is the scale upon which we are being weighed. 

Our social interactions are clumsy, small talk inelegant, and attempts at humor embarrassing. Our anticipation of repudiation motivates us to dismiss overtures to offset the possibility of rejection. SAD is repressive and intractable, imposing self-sabotaging thoughts and behaviors. It establishes its authority through defeatist measures produced by cognitively distorted and maladaptive interpretations of reality.

Maladaptive Behavior

Maladaptive behavior is a term created by Aaron Beck, the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy. A unique characteristic of SAD, maladaptive behaviors are manifestations of our symptoms. As a result of our negative core and immediate beliefs, our attitudes, rules, and assumptions are distorted, and we adapt negatively (maladapt) to positive situations. Attitudes refer to our emotions, convictions, and behaviors. Rules are the principles or regulations that influence our behaviors. Our assumptions are what we believe to be true or real.

Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive distortions are the exaggerated or irrational thought patterns involved in the perpetuation of anxiety and depression. They reinforce or justify our errant thoughts and poor behaviors. In essence, we twist reality to comport with our negative self-beliefs and image. We filter, personalize, blame, and catastrophize. There are thirteen cognitive distortions that are particularly germane to social anxiety.

Do you incessantly replay adverse events in your head? Do you constantly relive all the discomforting things that happened to you during the day? Do you avoid meeting people or going on dates because you anticipate disaster? Do you beat yourself up for all those lost opportunities? 

We circle the block endlessly before confronting a situation, then end up avoiding it entirely. We avoid recognition in the classroom, our hearts pounding, hands sweaty, hoping we will not be singled out. We lay awake at night, consumed by all the negative events of the day. 

We crave companionship but shun social situations for fear others will find us unattractive or stupid. We avoid speaking in public, expressing opinions, and fraternizing with peers.

Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is mindfulness of our value and significance to ourselves, society, and the world. It is honest and nonjudgmental mindfulness of our flaws as well as our assets. It can be further understood as a complex interrelationship between how we think about ourselves, how we think others perceive us, and how we process and present that information. Persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Our negative core and intermediate beliefs are directly implicated. Our symptomatic fears and anxieties aggravate this deficiency.

Negatively Valenced Emotions

We blame ourselves for our lack of social skills. We feel shame for our inadequacies. We guilt ourselves when we avoid getting close to someone, terrified of rejection. Negatively valanced is a psychological term used to characterize specific emotions that adversely affect our daily lives. Emotions like shame, guilt, and resentment negatively impact our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. We know these feelings are irrational, we know we are not responsible for its onset, but our social anxiety compels us to self-loath and self-destruct. Then to top it off, we consistently beat ourselves up for these feelings that are the product of emotional dysfunction that is not of our doing.

Recovery

We do not have to live like this. We do not have to be afraid to connect with others. We do not have to constantly agonize over how we will be perceived. We do not have to worry about criticism and ridicule from strangers. By deliberately and repetitively feeding our neural network with healthy information, we proactively transform our thoughts and behaviors from self-doubt and avoidance to self-assured expressions of our relevance and contributions.

We must stop beating ourselves up. We did not ask for our social anxiety disorder. We did not make it happen; it happened to us. We are, however, responsible for doing something about it. We are the captains of our ship. The onus of recovery is on us; no one else does it for us. It comes down to a simple choice. Are we happy with who we are now, or would we like to change for the better? Do we choose to be miserable or to be happy? It is cut and dried. The tools and techniques for recovery are ours for the taking. 

We are engaged in a war that is not easily won – a life-consuming series of battles. The process of proactive neuroplasticity is theoretically simple but challenging, due to the commitment and endurance required for the long-term, repetitive process. We do not don tennis shorts and advance to Wimbledon without decades of practice with rackets and balls. Philharmonics cater to pianists who have spent years at the keyboard.

Neural restructuring requires a calculated regimen of deliberate, repetitive, neural information that is not only tedious but also fails to deliver immediate tangible results, causing us to readily concede defeat and abandon hope in this era of instant gratification. However, once we initiate the process of recovery, utilizing the appropriate tools and techniques, progress is exponential. The rewards far outweigh the process.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

*          *          *

WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.

Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will
ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that
you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.

Upcoming Workshops

Anxiety, Behavior, Depression, ReChanneling, Self-Empowerment, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)

Due to the overflow in our last two workshops, we have
scheduled additional workshop for Saturday mornings.

Space Still Available
Register Now

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.

Committing to recovery is one of the hardest things you will
ever do. It takes enormous courage and the realization that
you are of value, consequential, and deserving of happiness.

*          *          *

“I have never encountered such an efficient professional …
His work transpires dedication, care, and love for what he does.”
–  Jose Garcia Silva, Ph.D., Composer Cosmos          

*          *          *

For Further Information

Emotional Malfunction: Why Me?

Anxiety, Behavior, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Self-Empowerment, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid Málaga)

Emotional Malfunction: Why Me?

“Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything.
Maybe it is about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you,
so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
– Paul Coelho

Our condition emanates from childhood disturbance. Subsequent self-disapproving core beliefs inform our intermediate beliefs. These are adversely impacted by the adolescent onset of our emotional malfunction. Fostered by our inherent negativity bias, unwholesome thoughts and behaviors flourish throughout our adulthood, disrupting our emotional well-being and quality of life.

Social anxiety disorder and comorbidities compel us to view ourselves as helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. Like proverbial wandering lambs, we expose our flanks to the wolves of irrationality. We feel helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. That is how our malfunction sustains itself.

The trajectory of our negative thoughts and behaviors is not perfectly linear but is a collaboration of complementary and overlapping stages. Complementarity describes how a unit can only function optimally if its components work effectively and in concert. Our social anxiety functions optimally because it is sustained by our negative core and intermediate beliefs, influenced by childhood disturbance and the onset of our disorder. All these attributions are considered in recovery albeit the causes are not as important as the solution.

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Core Beliefs

Our trajectory begins with our core beliefs – the deeply held convictions that determine how we see ourselves in the world. We formulate them in childhood in response to information, experiences, inferences and deductions, and by accepting what we are told as true. They mold the unquestioned underlying themes that govern our assumptions and, ostensibly, remain as our belief system throughout life. When we decline to question our core beliefs, we act upon them as though they are real and true. 

Core beliefs are more rigid in SAD persons because we tend to store information consistent with negative beliefs, ignoring evidence that contradicts it. This produces a cognitive bias – a subconscious error in thinking that leads us to misinterpret information, impacting the accuracy of our perspectives and decisions. That is different from our inherent negativity bias, which is the human tendency to prioritize negative stimuli and past negative events and situations.

Childhood Disturbance

During the development of our core beliefs, we are subject to a childhood disturbance, be it accidental, intentional, real, or imagined. Childhood disturbance is a broad and generic term for anything that interferes with our optimal physical, cognitive, emotional, or social development.

These disturbances are universal and indiscriminate. Cumulative evidence that a toxic childhood is a primary causal factor in lifetime emotional insecurity and instability has been well-established.

Negative Core Beliefs 

Childhood disturbance generates negative core beliefs about the self. Feelings of abandonment, detachment, neglect, and exploitation are common consequences of childhood disturbance. These generate negative core beliefs about the self and others.

Self-oriented negative core beliefs compel us to view ourselves as inconsequential and insignificant. This generates self-blaming for our perceived inadequacies and incompetence.

Our other-oriented negative core beliefs cause us to define others as demeaning, dismissive, malicious, and manipulative. This allows us to blame others for our condition, avoiding personal accountability. It also rationalizes our fears of interconnectivity and avoidance of social situations.

Emotional Malfunction

The next stage in our trajectory is the onset of our emotional malfunction which corresponds with our developing intermediate beliefs. Roughly 90% of disorder onset happens during adolescence, albeit the manifestation of symptoms often occurs later in life. SAD infects around the age of thirteen due to a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Researchers recently discovered a specific serotonin transporter gene called “SLC6A4” that is strongly correlated with SAD. Nonetheless, the susceptibility to onset originates in childhood.

Disturbance, negative core beliefs, and onset generate low implicit and explicit self-esteem and heavily influence our intermediate beliefs.

Insufficient Satisfaction of Needs

Self-esteem is mindfulness of our value to ourselves, society, and the world. It can be further understood as a complex interrelationship between how we think about ourselves, how we think others perceive us, and how we process and present that information.

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs reveals how childhood disturbance disrupts our natural development. The orderly flow of social and emotional development requires satisfying fundamental human needs. Childhood disturbance and negative core beliefs subvert certain biological, physiological, and emotional needs like familial support, healthy relationships, and a sense of safety and belongingness. This lacuna negatively dramatically impacts our self-esteem which we express by our undervaluation or regression of our positive self-qualities.

A quick note regarding mindfulness. The concept of mindfulness is essential to recovery and used throughout. However, there is appreciable ambiguity when it comes to defining it. For our purposes, it means recognizing, understanding, and accepting the veracity of something. If we understand a concept or theory about something but don’t believe it is true or valid, then we are not being mindful. Likewise, if we recognize the concept but don’t understand it, then we are still left in the dark.

Negative Intermediate Beliefs 

The onset of SAD happens during the development of our intermediate beliefs. These establish our attitudes, rules, and assumptions. Attitudes refer to our emotions, convictions, and behaviors. Rules are the principles or regulations that govern our behaviors. Our assumptions are what we believe to be true or real. Intermediate beliefs are less rigid than core beliefs and influenced by our social, cultural, and environmental information and experience. 

Negative Self-Beliefs and Image

All of these attributions produce distorted and maladaptive understandings of the self, others, and the world. Adaptive thoughts and behaviors are positive and functional. Maladaptive thoughts contort our reasoning and judgment, compelling us to ‘adapt’ negatively (maladapt) to situations. Distorted and irrational thoughts lead to dysfunctional behaviors and vice versa.

Situations, ANTs, and Cognitive Distortions

A situation is a set of circumstances – the facts, conditions, and incidents affecting us at a particular time in a particular place. A feared situation is one that provokes fears/anxieties that negatively impact our activities and associations.

We articulate our fears /anxieties through preprogrammed, self-fulfilling prophecies called ANTs. Automatic negative thoughts are involuntary, anxiety-provoking assumptions that spontaneously appear in response to anxiety-provoking situations. Examples include the classroom, a job interview, a social event, and family occasions. ANTs are negatively oriented, untruthful, and have no real power over us unless we enable them. Assumptions caused by our negative self-beliefs impact their content and expression.

Cognitive distortions are the exaggerated or irrational thought patterns involved in the perpetuation of our anxiety and depression. They twist our thinking to reinforce or justify our toxic behaviors. A prime example would be filtering, where we selectively choose to dwell on the negative aspects of a situation while overlooking the positive. We distort reality to avoid or validate our irrational attitudes, rules, and assumptions.

Solutions

We are not defined by our disorder, however. We are defined by our character strengths, virtues, and achievements. Through recovery, we dissociate ourselves from our condition. By stepping outside of the target, we perceive things rationally and objectively.

We learn to identify and analyze our negative attributions. ANTs, cognitive distortions, and maladaptive thoughts are emotional reactions to situations that call for rational evaluation and response.

Recovery and self-empowerment is regaining what has been stolen, misplaced, or lost. For social anxiety, it is our emotional well-being and quality of life. In self-empowerment, it is our self-esteem and motivation. In regaining these things, we consciously and deliberately transform our adverse habits, creating healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities. Recovery is letting go of our negative self-perspectives and beliefs. Recovery opens us to possibilities unencumbered by prior acts.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

*          *          *

WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.

Complementarity: ReChanneling Our Anxiety

Anxiety, Behavior, Mental Health, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Self-Empowerment, , , ,

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior.

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)

Complementarity: ReChanneling Our Anxiety

Complementarity is a flashy psychological term that describes how things combine in such a way as to enhance or support the qualities of each other. They operate through simultaneous mutual interaction. Similar to integrality, complementarity describes how a unit can only function optimally if its components work effectively and in concert. 

Simultaneous Mutual Interaction

Our cardiovascular, immune, and skeletal systems are comprised of physiological components that, when working cohesively, enable the systems to operate. Our automobile requires multiple mechanical components working in sync to get from point A to point B.

Our neural network automatically engages complementarity by continuously transmitting chemical hormones. It provides acetylcholine for learning, noradrenaline for concentration, and glutamate for memory (mind); adrenaline supports our muscles and endorphins help us relax (body); we receive GABA for our anxiety, dopamine for motivation (spirit), and serotonin to stabilize our mood (emotions).

Complementarity is essential to anything dependent upon the successful interaction of its parts. 

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Psychological Components

Our psychological apparatus functions through the simultaneous mutual interaction of mind, body, spirit, and emotions (MBSE). Why is this important to recovery? Because conscious and deliberate control of their complementarity helps us moderate the distressing symptoms of our anxiety.

There is one advantageous difference, however, between our MBSE and the other examples. When a component of our car or our physiology fails to perform, it can cause the collapse or deterioration of the entire unit. When either mind, body, spirit, or emotions is negatively impacted, the other three step up to keep the unit functioning, If a stressful situation causes our emotions to become temporarily unmanageable, we simply divert to one of the others. A prime example is when we deliberately rechannel the emotional angst of our fears and anxieties to the intellectual security of rational responses. 

We unconsciously utilize complementary all the time. We ameliorate unmanageable thoughts and situations through physical activity or spiritual contemplation. We go for a walk to calm our emotions, meditate when anguished, and vent frustration by breaking something. It is a simple and logical process. When ‘A’ is distressing or overwhelming, we engage ‘B’, ‘C’, or “D” to mitigate “A.” Each is easily accessible because MBSE operates continuously as a cohesive, self-supporting unit.

In Concert

That our mind, body, spirit, and emotions work in concert does not suggest that each component works with the same level of intensity. One dominates the others depending upon the circumstance. If we feel nauseous, our mind wants to control it, we pray it will dissipate, and our emotions fear the worst. Nonetheless, our body usually holds the upper hand. 

Consider what happens when we experience a freeway fender-bender. Our mind informs us we barely avoided injury; our heart pounds and we feel nauseous. We are angry and frustrated, and fiercely conscious of our mortality. Which is the dominant force depends upon a few obvious variables, e.g., how painful is the whiplash?

Automatic Negative Thoughts

Our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are the anxiety-provoking emotional expressions of our situational fears. They are the spontaneous evaluative thoughts that occur prior to, during, or right after a negative or stressful situation. A situation is a set of circumstances – the facts, conditions, and incidents affecting us at a particular time in a particular place. A feared situation provokes our symptomatic fears and anxieties. Our ANTs are the automatic emotional expressions of those fears. 

Let us create a hypothetical example of complementarity in action. Our feared situation is a small social gathering. Our SAD symptoms convince us we are being unfairly criticized (mind). We hyperventilate and begin to perspire. We are convinced we will do or say something stupid (emotions), and our ANT is telling us “They probably won’t like me, anyway” (spirit).

Defining Spirit

Spirit and spirituality are enigmatic concepts; there is universal ambiguity in their definitions. For our purposes, spirit is defined as those self-properties regarded as forming the definitive or typical elements of our character at a specific time or in a specific situation. Are we compassionate and confident or hostile and arrogant? Spirit is our current temperament; emotion is the expression of that feeling. In a science-based recovery program, spirit and its declensions are unaffiliated with the ethereal human spirit or soul. When or how clients incorporate theology and the supernatural as their motivation is an individual matter.

Utilizing Complementarity

As we progress in recovery, we learn to deliberately engage complementarity to rechannel the anxiety that threatens our emotional well-being. We devise coping mechanisms to manage situations. There are multiple scientific and psychological approaches to help us understand and control the process of complementarity. 

PsychoEducation teaches us about the relationship between thoughts, emotions, and physiological reactions. Cognitive comprehension involves correcting negative or inaccurate thoughts by identifying and analyzing them and developing rational responses. Roleplay helps modify our behaviors by visualizing and practicing different ways of managing feared situations. By utilizing graded exposure, we start with situations that are easier for us to manage, then work our way up to more challenging tasks. 

Rigorously employing these tools moderates our fears and apprehensions. In vivo exposure allows us to confront feared stimuli in real-world conditions. With practice, our coping mechanisms become as automatic as our ANTs. They become exponentially dispensable as we progress in our recovery.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

*          *          *

WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.

Self-Appreciation

Anxiety, Behavior, Mental Health, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Self-Empowerment, Self-esteem, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. 

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)

Self-Appreciation

“The meaning of life is to find your gift.
The purpose of life is to give it away.”
– William Shakespeare

Self-appreciation is the byproduct of self-esteem. It is self-esteem paid forward. The consolidation of our self-regard and the recognition of our capabilities and potential drive us to share what has been recovered with others. Self-appreciation is the natural evolution of self-esteem.

There is appreciable ambiguity when it comes to distinguishing self-esteem from self-appreciation. Ask a colleague to define them and their response will be as heterogeneous as human experience. Let us identify self-esteem and self-appreciation as they apply to recovery, because they are consequential to our emotional well-being and quality of life. 

Self-esteem is mindfulness of our character strengths and attributes as well as our shortcomings. It is how we think about ourselves, how we think others think about us, and how we process that information. Healthy self-esteem tells us we are of value, consequential, and desirable.

Space is Limited
Register Early

Childhood Disturbance

Cumulative evidence that a toxic childhood is a primary causal factor in lifetime emotional instability has been well-established. This could be precipitated by minor childhood disturbance or issues of neglect, abuse, or exploitation. It could be hereditary, environmental, or the result of trauma. Additionally, it could be real or perceptual, intentional or accidental. Whatever its cause, our physiological and psychological development is impacted.

The consequent onset of emotional malfunction impels us to undervalue or repress our character strengths, virtues, and attributes. Our symptomatic resistance and repression of healthy memories and emotions continue to negatively impact our self-beliefs and image.

Recovery Goals

The primary goal of recovery from social anxiety is the moderation of our irrational fears and anxieties. This is best achieved through a three-pronged approach. To (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) regenerate our self-esteem. These comprise our overall strategy.

The successful realization of these objectives compels us to recognize and celebrate the extraordinariness of our lives, confirming we are desirable and consequential.

Our lacuna of self-esteem is predicated by negative core and intermediate beliefs. It subsists on our negative attitudes, rules, and assumptions. This deficit compels us to subvert our abilities and potential by concealing them in the recesses of our minds – forgotten, disputed, and undervalued. Fortunately, properties of self-esteem are not obliterated, but latent and dormant due to the disruption in our emotional development. Disruption interrupts productivity, it does not destroy it. Underutilized self-properties atrophy like the unexercised muscle in our arm or leg can be regenerated. 

The obstructed and repressed properties of our self-esteem are retrievable, The circuits or neural pathways that hold this information are easily reconstructed. Our hippocampus, prefrontal cortex, basolateral amygdala, and other cognitive processes are activated and reactivated by will and determination.

Our emotional malfunction and subsequent low self-esteem provoked feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness. As we regenerate our self-esteem, we become less helpless and hopeless, but we still feel undesirable and worthless until and unless we share our recovered assets with others. There is joylessness in self-satisfaction for its own sake. Our regenerated self-esteem is only the beginning of our reconnection to the world.

Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity is scientific evidence of our brain’s constant adaptation to information. Human neuroplasticity happens in three forms. Reactive neuroplasticity is our brain’s natural response to things over which we have limited to no control – stimuli we absorb but do not initiate or focus on. A car alarm, lightning, the smell of baked goods. Our neural network automatically restructures itself to what happens around us. 

Active neuroplasticity happens through intentional pursuits like engaging in social interaction, creating, yoga, and journaling. We control active neuroplasticity by consciously choosing the activity. A significant component of active neuroplasticity is our altruistic and compassionate social behavior – teaching, volunteering, and caregiving.

Proactive neuroplasticity is rapid, concentrated, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network from toxic to positive. This is best consummated by DRNI – the deliberate, repetitive neural input of information. Consequently, by acting proactively, we compel change rather than responding to it after it has happened.

Our Neural Hemispheres

Both proactive and active neuroplasticity assist in the positive transformation of our thoughts and behaviors. Proactive neuroplasticity is centered in our left-brain hemisphere – the analytical part responsible for introspection and rational thinking. Reactive neuroplasticity is right hemisphere activity – intuition, emotions, and imagination. Proactive neuroplasticity taps into the mental and the rational as we consolidate our self-esteem. Active neuroplasticity complements altruism and social interconnectivity – elements of self-appreciation. 

Proactive and active neuroplasticity work in concert as do self-esteem and self-appreciation, each supplementing the other. Proactive neuroplasticity is self-oriented; active neuroplasticity is other-oriented. They are the gestalt of our humanness. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Our activities engage both hemispheres simultaneously.

Proactive neuroplasticity is the most effective means of unlearning the irrational thoughts that annihilate our quality of life. What is significant is our ability to accelerate and consolidate the process by compelling our brain to re-pattern its neural circuitry. Through proactive neuroplasticity, we consciously and deliberately inform our neural network to replace decades of negative self-beliefs, creating healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities. Accordingly, we compel change rather than reacting and responding to it. 

Active neuroplasticity supports our social interconnectedness. Beyond healthy activities like jogging, crafting, and listening to music is our ethical and compassionate social behavior. Altruistic contributions to society are extraordinary assets to neural restructuring. The value of volunteering – providing support, empathy, and concern for those in need, random acts of kindness – is extraordinary, not only in promoting positive behavioral change but in the mindfulness of our value and significance to others.

The Onus is On Us

We are in charge of our emotional well-being and quality of life. We are responsible for the regeneration of our self-esteem. We rediscover our value and significance. We are inherently driven to pay it forward. Self-esteem is the catalyst for self-appreciation. In reciprocation, self-appreciation consolidates self-esteem. We take care of ourselves to take care of others. We embrace our worth and potential to champion them in others. There is a cause and effect, however. Self-appreciation does not flourish without self-esteem. The seed must germinate to flower. We cannot share what we don’t possess.

One final note: Appreciation can be defined as recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities, efforts, and achievements of an individual. Self-appreciation, therefore, calls for you to give yourself the same recognition and enjoyment of your own contributions. For every positive act, congratulate yourself. You deserve to fully experience the pride and satisfaction that generally complements such efforts. Moreover, it dramatically boosts your neural influx of positive electrical energy. Every moment of self-appreciation accrues all the neural benefits of a positive personal affirmation.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

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WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral self-modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.  

The Problems with Relationships

Behavior, Neuroplasticity, Psychology, ReChanneling, Self-Empowerment, Social Anxiety, Social anxiety disorder, , , ,

Robert F. Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. 

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)

The Problems with Relationships

Our need for human interconnectedness is universal. The innate desire for friendship and intimacy is no less dynamic for someone with social anxiety, but our fears and avoidance of engagement disrupt our ability to establish, develop, or maintain human relationships in almost any capacity. The spirit is willing, but competence is insubstantial.

We crave companionship but our perceptions of undesirability and incompetence impede our efforts. Our low self-esteem and high self-criticism disrupt connectivity. Our expectation of criticism and ridicule compels us to avoid social situations. Our fear of rejection results in isolation and loneliness.

Human interconnectedness is a complex system with broad emotional implications. Relationships come in sundry forms including collegial, family, intimate, and platonic. To effectively challenge our patterns of thought and behavior, we need to understand the different types of relationships to evaluate our inability or unwillingness to engage.

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Childhood Disturbance

Emotional malfunction is a consequence of childhood disturbance – a broad and generic term for anything that interferes with our optimal physical, cognitive, emotional, or social development. Instability and insecurity originate in a toxic childhood. The disturbance may be major or minor, accidental or intentional, real or perceptual. (The imaginings of a child are legendary.) SAD and other emotional malfunctions sense our vulnerability and onset in adolescence. This fuels our core and intermediate beliefs with a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness.

Healthy psychological development is sustained by satisfying fundamental needs. Childhood core perceptions of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation negatively impact the satisfaction of basic biological and physiological needs. Subsequently, safety and security are impacted, as well as our innate desire to belong and be loved.

Physical, sexual, or emotional disturbance can negatively impact our early sleep patterns and sexual health. A child will have difficulty learning if they are hungry. Absent reliable parenting, we are less likely to feel safe or secure. A sense of detachment or abandonment imperils our sense of safety and belonging.

Belongingness

Belongingness is a yearning for human interconnectivity. We are social beings, driven by a fundamental human need for social interaction and interpersonal exchange. The necessity for personal connection is hardwired into our brains. Healthy relationships are important influences on our mental and physical health. They are essential catalysts to our emotional well-being and quality of life. Research has shown that social contact boosts our immune system and protects our brain from neurodegenerative diseases.

Research informs us that persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Our symptomatic fears and anxieties aggravate this deficit. Our negative core and intermediate beliefs and image are directly implicated. Fortunately, our self-esteem is never lost, but latent and dormant. Underutilized positive self-properties that atrophy like the unexercised muscle in our arm or leg can be regenerated. 

SAD Symptoms

Why do we have problems with relationships, with human interconnectedness? Let us review some of the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. 

  • Fear of situations in which we may be judged negatively.
  • Worry about embarrassing or humiliating ourselves.
  • Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
  • Fear that others will notice we look anxious.
  • Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling, or having a shaky voice.
  • Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment.
  • Anxiety in anticipation of a feared situation.
  • Intense fear or anxiety during social situations.
  • Harsh self-analysis of our performance and identification of flaws in our interactions after a social situation.
  • The expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation.

Communcation Skills

All these elements factor into our difficulties with relationships and impact our ability to communicate effectively. The lower our level of self-esteem, the less responsive we are to the needs and concerns of others. We cannot share what we do not possess.

Human interconnectivity is facilitated by communication. Words have enormous power; they are a source of compassion, understanding, and intimacy. Sixty percent of communication is represented by our body language. Until we hone our listening skills, however, words and body language may be insufficient. Healthy human interconnectivity is facilitated by compassion. That is evidenced by defining the various levels of listening and communication.

Ignoring listening. As SAD persons, we are symptomatically self-obsessed, and our shallowest means of communication is ignoring listening. The concerns and interests of others are subverted by our ANTs. When we attempt to interact, the severity of our anxiety impedes our ability to focus on anything beyond our inadequacies.  In ignoring listening, the only thing we listen for is a break in the conversation where we can intervene, usually, with unrelated topics.

Counterfeit Listening. An essential part of recovery is exposing ourselves to social situations. This happens only after we have learned to identify and rationally respond to our automatic negative thoughts and behaviors. Early exposure often results in counterfeit listening, which is a step up from ignoring but not yet communicating. We ingratiate ourselves into conversations without contributing to them. We are unable to muster interest in or awareness of the needs or concerns of the other. Instead, we mirror their input and reactions to be accepted. 

Selective Listening. We hear what we want to hear. We’re less interested in what the other has to say than we are in making a good impression. Afraid of appearing ignorant or boring, we only show interest in things that allow us to display our astuteness. We wait for topics to which we can personally relate, ignoring anything that doesn’t have the potential to make us appear viable. We’re not yet communicating well, but we are participating. Our skills are improving. 

Hostile Communication needs no explanation, and we can engage in hostile interaction while ignoring, counterfeit, and selective listening. It is a form of communication, however, as we are conveying or sharing ideas and feelings:

Attentive Communication. Our extensive work in recovery leads us to attentive communication. Because we are regenerating our self-esteem, we can now consider the concerns of others. Our communication skills are becoming more responsive to their needs, interests, and desires. Attentive communication is authentic interconnectivity – relationships of shared experience and personal disclosure. 

Empathetic Communication is selfless interconnectivity that allows us to move beyond our beliefs and experiences and feel how the other feels as we participate in their presence. When we communicate empathetically, we seek first to understand rather than be understood.

Empathy is not sympathy. In the latter, we feel for someone; when we empathize, we experience that individual. This opens the self to a novel participation, a being with and within the other. Empathy is generated through robust interconnectivity; it is an interactive and heightened method of communication that involves the verbal, the physical (sounds and gestures), and the intuitive (moods, and attitudes). Empathetic communication is the most responsive and conscientious form of human interconnectivity.

Types of Relationships

To change our patterns of thought and behavior, we examine relationships by category to better evaluate the symptomatic causes and methods of resolution. The first step in learning how to establish, develop, or maintain relationships is to identify the type of personal affiliation. Each has its own components and is approached differently. The classic Greeks differentiated relationships by type, e.g., platonic, practical, sexual, and so on. This writing addresses seven primary types of relationships – eight if we consider the two forms of philautia: narcissism and self-esteem.

Friendship. Aristotle called philia one of the most indispensable requirements of life. A healthy camaraderie is a bonding of mutual experiences and personal disclosure. A core symptom of SAD is the fear of revealing something that will make us appear stupid, inferior, or undesirable. Even the anticipation of personal exposure can induce physical and emotional anxiety. We avoid committing to friendships out of our fear of being found wanting.

Sexually Intimate. Eros is reciprocal feelings of shared arousal between people physically attracted to each other, the fulfillment expressed by the sexual act. Our self-image of undesirability and unworthiness, coupled with fears of ridicule and rejection, challenges our sexual competency and comfort in intimaty. Studies show that, due to our fears of intimacy and sexual incompetence, SAD persons experience less sexual satisfaction than non-anxious individuals. 

Unconditional. Through the universal mandate to love thy neighbor, the concept of agape embraces unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. To love unequivocally, however, one must self-love in the same fashion. As earlier indicated, persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. One of the three major components of recovery is the regeneration of our self-esteem. 

Family. The disruption in our natural human development due to childhood disturbance can fracture satisfaction of basic biological, physiological, and safety needs. It can generate core beliefs of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation. These are ostensibly caused by the family unit. As a result, storge or familial love and protection, vital to the healthy development of the family unit, is severely affected. 

Playful or Provocative. Our conflict with the provocative playfulness of ludus is evident in our fears of criticism and rejection. We do not find social interaction pleasurable, anticipating anxiety and discomfort. Our negative self-perceptions generally manifest in awkward and inappropriate social behavior. 

Pragmatic relationships are formed by mutual interests and goals securing a working and endurable partnership. They endure through rational thought and behavior – a balanced and constructive relationship. The pragmatic individual deals with relationships sensibly and realistically, conforming to typical standards of conduct. Our SAD-induced fears are irrational and cognitively distorted, and we avoid situations that most people consider normal. SAD persons are anything but pragmatic and logical.

Healthy Philautia

The spectrum of self-love. Loosely translated as love-of-self, one end of the spectrum is narcissism, and the other is self-esteem.

Narcissism is a psychological condition in which people, according to the Mayo Clinic, “have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.” It is the need for excessive attention, masking an unconscious sense of inferiority and inadequacy. 

Its opposite is self-esteem – the wherewithal to appreciate our value and significance to self and society. Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite to loving others. By understanding and appreciating ourselves – our character strengths, virtues, and attributes as well as our defects, we open ourselves to sharing that authenticity with others.

Interconnectivity

To address our inability to effectively establish, develop, and maintain relationships it is necessary to define the situation – the source and expression of the problem. This is facilitated by personal introspection, memory work, journaling, role-playing, and other tools and techniques that help us rationally respond to the negative self-beliefs that generated our lacuna of self-esteem. Outside of a comprehensive recovery program, there are some steps we can initiate on our own to change our patterns of thought and behavior. We:

  1. Identify the type of relationship we are having difficulty establishing, developing, or maintaining. It may be collegial (work), sexual, family, pragmatic (networking), social, short- or long-term, and so on. Each one is approached differently in recovery and resolution.
  2. Unmask our fears. What is problematic for us in the relationship? How do we feel (physically, intellectually, emotionally)? What are our specific concerns or worries? Are we afraid of rejection? Are we worried we will say or do something stupid? Are we concerned we will be criticized or ridiculed? 
  3. Identify our corresponding ANT(s). Automatic negative thoughts are our immediate, involuntary, emotional expressions of our fears. They are the self-defeating things we tell ourselves. “No one will talk to me.” I’ll say something stupid.” “I’m a loser.” She’ll reject me?” He’ll find me undesirable.”
  4. Examine and analyze our fear(s) and corresponding ANTs. What are the causes, thoughts, and images that precipitate and provoke them? It is these fundamental self-beliefs that impact our relationships.
  5. Generate Rational Responses. Our fears and ANTs are irrational. Once we have examined and analyzed them, and become mindful of their false assumptions, we devise rational responses to counter them.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

*          *          *

WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT ESSENTIAL?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.