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“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid Málaga)
“It is not ‘forgive and forget,’ as if nothing wrong had ever happened, but ‘forgive and go forward,’ building on the past mistakes and the energy generated by reconciliation to create a new future.” – Alan Paton
We retain an abundance of destructive information, formed by our core and intermediate beliefs – toxic neural input seemingly impervious to uprooting due to its resistant or repressive nature. A lot of this information stems from the unresolved debris of our negatively valenced emotions.
Valenced is a psychological term used to characterize and categorize specific emotions that influence how we approach our daily lives. Negatively valenced emotions like shame, guilt, and resentment adversely impact our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. When left unresolved, they permeate our neural network with negative energy and obstruct the process of recovery.
There is credence to the cliché that by withholding forgiveness, we allow the transgressor to occupy valuable space in our brain. The design of recovery and self-empowerment is to (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) producerapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network,and (3) regenerate our self-esteem. These objectives are inhibited by our negatively valenced emotions.
We fail to challenge these emotions because they sustain us. We justify them, savor them, or wear them like a hair shirt. Not knowing any better, our neural network is accustomed to this negativity and continuously transmits the chemical hormones and other physiological benefits that sustain and give us pleasure. We are so inundated from childhood with the concept of forgiveness, we tend to disregard its power and significance.
Recovery requires restructuring our neural network by feeding it positive stimuli to counter the years of negativity. But our brains have less room for healthy input until we evict the bad tenants. Retaining the toxicity of our negatively valenced emotions aggravates our anxiety and depression, and compels behavioral obsessiveness, avoidance, and other personality shortfalls that impact our interconnectedness and self-esteem. The inability or unwillingness to forgive is foolish and self-defeating.
Recovery requires letting go of our negative self-perspectives, expectations, and beliefs – opening our minds to new ideas and concepts. We remain imprisoned in the past when we hold onto shame, guilt, and other hostile self-indulgences. Forgiving opens us to new possibilities unencumbered by prior acts.
There are three types of transgressions important to us: (1) those inflicted on us by others, (2) those we inflict on others, and (3) those we inflict on ourselves. We are both victims and abusers. We are victimized by the transgression against us, and we abuse ourselves with our resentment and hate. When we transgress, we abuse the other, and our guilt and shame for the act victimize us. Self-transgression is both self-abuse and victimization.
(1) Forgiving those who have harmed us. We often hold onto anger and resentment because we convince ourselves it impacts those who harmed us. The irony is the likelihood that they are (a) unaware or have forgotten they injured us, or take no responsibility for it. The only person affected is us, the injured party. As Buddha purportedly said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; we are the one who gets burned.”
The act of forgiving resolves our animus and restores us to equal footing by eliminating the other’s influence. The innate drive for vengeance can be formidable, as our baser instinct cries out for retribution. Forgiving removes any desire for retaliation; it rids us of our vindictiveness.
I vividly recall a recovery group member who refused to entertain any prospect of absolving his parents. “If you knew what they’ve done to me you wouldn’t ask me to forgive them.” His adamancy was formidable. Despite his awareness of the personal negative ramifications, he denies himself the opportunity to remedy it, much like a cancer victim refusing chemotherapy.
(2) Forgiving ourselves for harming another is accepting and releasing the guilt and shame of our actions. It’s important to recognize that transgression against another subjectively affects us more severely than the person we harmed. We feel guilt for harming them, and shame for being the type of person who would cause harm. These self-destructive emotions can only be resolved by accepting responsibility, making direct or substitutional amends, and forgiving ourselves.
(3) Forgiving ourselves for harming ourselves. Transgression against the self is particularly cataclysmic. It is telling ourselves we are deserving of abuse. Self-pity, self-contempt, and other hyphenated forms of self-abuse condemn us and devalue our self-esteem. Forgiving ourselves is challenging for those of us with social anxiety because our self-abasement is underscored by our negative core and intermediate beliefs.
It is important to recognize that forgiveness is not forgetting or condoning. Forgiving does not excuse the transgressor or transgression; it takes their power away. Our noble self forgives; our pragmatic self remembers and remains mindful of the circumstance.
Negatively valenced emotions have their usefulness. They can be revealing and cathartic, motivating emotional and spiritual growth and broadening self-awareness. Notwithstanding, resolution is important to mitigate their toxic neural residue.
Forgiving expels negativity. We cannot hope to function optimally without absolving both ourselves and others whose actions negatively impacted our well-being. Our actions and those of others may seem indefensible, but forgiving is subjective – for our own well-being. Holding ourselves or others accountable for harmful behavior is a justifiable response. Holding onto corresponding anger and resentment is self-destructive. We forgive to promote change within ourselves and, as the architects of forgiveness, we reap the rewards.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” – William Shakespeare
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
There is appreciable ambiguity when it comes to distinguishing self-esteem from self-appreciation. Ask a colleague to define them and their response will be as heterogeneous as human experience. Let me identify self-esteem and self-appreciation as they apply to recovery and self-empowerment because they are consequential to our emotional well-being and quality of life.
Self-esteem is mindfulness of our qualities and character as well as our defects. It is how we think about ourselves, how we think others think about us, and how we process that information. Healthy self-esteem tells us we are of value, consequential, and desirable. The inherent byproduct of healthy self-esteem is self-appreciation. It is self-esteem paid forward. The consolidation of our self-regard and the recognition of what we have to offer drives us to share it with others. Self-appreciation is the natural evolution of self-esteem.
Self-appreciation is the inherent byproduct of healthy self-esteem and its properties. It is self-esteem paid forward. The consolidation of our self-regard and the recognition of what we have to offer drives us to share it with others. Self-appreciation is the natural evolution of self-esteem.
Cumulative evidence that a toxic childhood is a primary causal factor in lifetime emotional instability has been well-established. This could be the result of minor childhood disturbance or issues of neglect, abuse, or exploitation. It could be hereditary, environmental, or the result of trauma. It could be real or imagined, intentional or accidental. Whatever its cause, it is our psychological development that takes the hit.
Because of this disruption, we tend to undervalue or repress our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements. Recovery and self-empowerment compel us to recognize and celebrate these assets. Our SAD-symptomatic resistance and repression of healthy memories and emotions negatively impact our sense of self-worth and significance. Mindfulness of our assets, milestones, and achievements encourages us to recognize and embrace the extraordinariness of our lives, confirming we are of value, desirable, and consequential.
Recovery and self-empowerment have three objectives: to (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) producerapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network and, (3) regenerate our self-esteem through the integration of approaches designed to help us become mindful of our inherent and acquired strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
Our social anxiety was constructed by our core and intermediate beliefs and subsists on our negative attitudes, rules, and assumptions. To maintain its governance it compels us to subvert our abilities and potential by concealing them in the recesses of our minds – forgotten, disputed, and undervalued. Fortunately, our properties of self-esteem are not obliterated, but latent and dormant due to the disruption in our psychological development.Underutilized self-properties that atrophy like the unexercised muscle in our arm or leg can be regenerated.
The obstructed and repressed properties of our self-esteem are retrievable, The circuits or neural pathways connecting our hippocampus, prefrontal cortex, basolateral amygdala, and other cognitive processes continuously restructure – activated and reactivated by our needs and deliberations.
Our lacuna of self-esteem generated feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness. As we regenerate our self-esteem, we become less helpless and hopeless, but we still feel undesirable and worthless until and unless we share our assets with others. There is joylessness in self-satisfaction for its own sake. Our regenerated self-esteem is only the beginning of our reconnection to the world.
This is where proactive and active neuroplasticity come into play.
Neuroplasticity is scientific evidence of our brain’s constant adaptation to information. Human neuroplasticity happens in three forms. Reactive neuroplasticity is our brain’s natural response to things over which we have limited to no control – stimuli we absorb but do not initiate or focus on. A car alarm, lightning, the smell of baked goods. Our neural network automatically restructures itself to what happens around us.
Active neuroplasticityhappens through intentional pursuits like engaging in social interaction, creating, yoga, and journaling. We control active neuroplasticity by consciously choosing the activity. A significant component of active neuroplasticity is our altruistic and compassionate social behavior – teaching, volunteering, caregiving.
Proactive neuroplasticity is rapid, concentrated, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network from toxic to positive. This is best consummated by DRNI – the deliberate, repetitive neural input of information.
Both proactive and active neuroplasticity assist in the positive transformation of our thoughts and behaviors. Proactive neuroplasticity is centered in our left-brain hemisphere – the analytical part responsible for introspection and rational thinking. Reactive neuroplasticity is right hemisphere activity – intuition, emotions, and imagination. Proactive neuroplasticity taps into the mental and the rational as we consolidate our self-esteem. Active neuroplasticity connects with altruism and social interconnectivity – elements of self-appreciation.
Proactive and active neuroplasticity work in concert as do self-esteem and self-appreciation, each supporting and expanding the other. Proactive neuroplasticity is self-oriented; active neuroplasticity is other-oriented. They are the gestalt of our humanness. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Our activities engage both hemispheres simultaneously. We create information to facilitate DRNI. We evaluate our fears and anxieties.
Proactive neuroplasticity is the most effective means of unlearning the irrational thoughts that annihilate our quality of life. What is significant is our ability to accelerate and consolidate the process by compelling our brain to re-pattern its neural circuitry. Through proactive neuroplasticity, we consciously and deliberately inform our neural network to replace decades of negative self-beliefs, creating healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities. We compel change rather than reacting and responding to it.
Active neuroplasticity supports our social interconnectedness. Beyond healthy activities like jogging, crafting, and listening to music is our ethical and compassionate social behavior. Altruistic contributions to society are extraordinary assets to neural restructuring. The value of volunteering – providing support, empathy, and concern for those in need, random acts of kindness – is extraordinary, not only in promoting positive behavioral change but in the mindfulness of our value and significance to others.
We are in charge of our emotional well-being and quality of life. We are responsible for the regeneration of our self-esteem. We become mindful of our value and significance. We pay it forward. Self-esteem is the catalyst for self-appreciation. We take care of ourselves to take care of others. In reciprocation, self-appreciation consolidates self-esteem. There is cause and effect, however. Self-appreciation does not flourish without self-esteem. The seed must germinate to flower. We cannot share what we don’t possess.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
The need for human interconnectedness is at the heart of all emotional malfunction, but especially social anxiety disorder because of its symptomatic fears and avoidance of personal commitment. Our innate desire for friendship and intimacy is no less dynamic than that of any individual, but our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and image disrupt our ability to establish, develop, or maintain human relationships in almost any capacity. The spirit is willing, but competence is insubstantial. We crave companionship but our perceptions of undesirability and incompetence impede our efforts. Our low self-esteem and high self-criticism keep us from new possibilities. Our expectation of criticism and ridicule compels us to avoid social situations. Our fear of rejection results in isolation and loneliness.
Human interconnectedness is a complex system with broad emotional implications. Relationships come in sundry forms including collegial, family, intimate, and platonic. To effectively challenge our patterns of thought and behavior, we need to understand the different types of relationships to evaluate our inability or unwillingness to engage.
SAD is a consequence of childhood disturbance – a broad and generic term for anything that interferes with our optimal physical, cognitive, emotional, or social development. Instability and insecurity originate in a toxic childhood. The disturbance may be major or minor, accidental or intentional, real or perceptual. (The imaginings of a child are legendary.) SAD and other emotional malfunctions sense our vulnerability and onset in adolescence. This fuels our core and intermediate beliefs with a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness.
Natural human development is sustained by satisfying fundamental needs. Childhood core perceptions of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation negatively impact the satisfaction of basic biological and physiological needs. Subsequently, safety and security are impacted, as well as our innate desire to belong and be loved.
Physical, sexual, or emotional disturbance can negatively impact our early sleep patterns and sexual health. A child will have difficulty learning if they are hungry. Absent reliable parenting, we are less likely to feel safe or secure. A sense of detachment or abandonment imperils our sense of safety and belonging.
Belongingness is a yearning for human interconnectivity. We are social beings, driven by a fundamental human need for social interaction and interpersonal exchange. The necessity for personal connection is hardwired into our brains. Healthy relationships are important influences on our mental and physical health. They are essential catalysts to our emotional well-being and quality of life. Research has shown that social contact boosts our immune system and protects our brain from neurodegenerative diseases.
Research informs us that persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Our symptomatic fears and anxieties aggravate this deficit. Our negative core and intermediate beliefs and image are directly implicated. Fortunately, our self-esteem is never lost, but latent and dormant. Underutilized positive self-properties that atrophy like the unexercised muscle in our arm or leg can be regenerated.
Why do we have problems with relationships, with human interconnectedness? Let’s review some of the symptoms of social anxiety disorder.
Fear of situations in which we may be judged negatively.
Worry about embarrassing or humiliating ourselves.
Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
Fear that others will notice we look anxious.
Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling, or having a shaky voice.
Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment.
Anxiety in anticipation of a feared situation.
Intense fear or anxiety during social situations.
Harsh self-analysis of our performance and identification of flaws in our interactions after a social situation.
The expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation.
All these elements factor into our difficulties with relationships and impact our ability to communicate effectively. The lower our level of self-esteem, the less responsive we are to the needs and concerns of others. We cannot share what we do not possess.
Human interconnectivity is facilitated by communication. Words have enormous power; they are a source of compassion, understanding, and intimacy. Sixty percent of communication is represented by our body language. Until we hone our listening skills, however, words and body language may be insufficient. Healthy human interconnectivity is facilitated by compassion. That is evidenced by defining the various levels of listening and communication.
Because SAD persons are symptomatically self-obsessed, our fundamental means of communication is ignoring listening. The concerns and interests of the other are subverted by our insecurity. When we interact, the severity of our anxiety makes impedes our ability to focus on anything but our personal inadequacies.
An essential part of recovery is exposing ourselves to our feared situations. This happens only after we have learned to identify and rationally respond to our automatic negative thoughts and behaviors. Early exposure often results in counterfeit listening, which is a step up from ignoring but still unsubstantial. We ingratiate ourselves into conversations without contributing to them. We are unable to muster interest in or awareness of the needs or concerns of the other. Instead, we mirror them to be accepted.
As we progress in recovery, we begin to engage in selective listening. We hear what we want to hear. We’re less interested in what the other has to say than we are in making a good impression. Afraid of appearing ignorant or boring, we only show interest in things that allow us to display our astuteness. We wait for topics to which we can personally relate, ignoring anything that doesn’t have the potential to make us appear viable. We’re not yet communicating well, but we are participating. Our skills are improving.
Our extensive work in recovery leads us to attentive communication. We are now making diligent attempts to consider the concerns of others. Our communication skills are becoming more responsive to their needs, interests, and desires. Attentive communication is authentic interconnectivity – relationships of shared experience and personal disclosure.
There is an even more desirable form of interconnectivity, that of empathy. Empathetic communication is selfless interconnectivity that allows us to move beyond our beliefs and experiences and feel how the other feels as we participate in their presence. We seek first to understand rather than be understood.
Empathy is not sympathy. In the latter, we feel for someone; when we empathize, we experience someone. This opens the self to a novel participation, a being with and within the other. Empathy is generated through robust interconnectivity; it is an interactive and heightened method of communication that involves the verbal, the physical (sounds and gestures), and the intuitive (moods, and attitudes). Empathetic interaction is the most responsive and conscientious form of human interconnectivity.
Type of Relationship
To change our patterns of thought and behavior, we examine relationships by category to better evaluate the symptomatic causes and methods of resolution. The first step in learning how to establish, develop, or maintain relationships is to identify the type of personal affiliation. Each has its own components and is approached differently. The classic Greeks differentiated relationships by type, e.g., platonic, practical, sexual, and so on. This writing addresses seven primary types of relationships – eight if we consider the two forms of philautia: narcissism and self-esteem.
Friendship. Aristotle called philia one of the most indispensable requirements of life. A healthy camaraderie is a bonding of mutual experiences and personal disclosure. A core symptom of SAD is the fear of revealing something that will make us appear stupid, inferior, or undesirable. Even the anticipation of personal exposure can induce physical and emotional anxiety. We avoid committing to friendships out of our fear of being found wanting.
Sexually Intimate. Eros is reciprocal feelings of shared arousal between people physically attracted to each other, the fulfillment expressed by the sexual act. Our self-image of undesirability and unworthiness, coupled with fears of ridicule and rejection, challenges our ability to establish, develop, and maintain romantic relationships. Studies show that, due to our fears of intimacy and sexual incompetence, SAD persons experience less sexual satisfaction than non-anxious individuals.
Unconditional. Through the universal mandate to love thy neighbor, the concept of agape embraces unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. To love unequivocally, however, one must self-love in the same fashion. As earlier indicated, persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. One of the three major components of recovery is the regeneration of our self-esteem.
Family. The disruption in our natural human development due to childhood disturbance can fracture satisfaction of basic biological, physiological, and safety needs. It can generate core beliefs of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation. These are ostensibly caused by the family unit. As a result, storge or familial love and protection, vital to the healthy development of the family unit, is severely affected.
Playful or Provocative. Our conflict with the provocative playfulness of ludus is evident in our fears of criticism and rejection. We do not find social interaction pleasurable, anticipating anxiety and discomfort. Our negative self-perceptions generally manifest in awkward and inappropriate social behavior.
Pragmatic relationships are formed by mutual interests and goals securing a working and endurable partnership. They endure through rational thought and behavior – a balanced and constructive relationship. The pragmatic individual deals with relationships sensibly and realistically, conforming to typical standards of conduct. Our SAD-induced fears are irrational and cognitively distorted, and our overriding objective is to avoid situations that most people consider normal. SAD persons are anything but pragmatic and logical.
The spectrum of self-love. Loosely translated as love-of-self, one end of the spectrum is narcissism, and the other is self-esteem.
Narcissism is a psychological condition in which people, according to the Mayo Clinic, “have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.” It is the need for excessive attention, masking an unconscious sense of inferiority and inadequacy.
Its opposite is self-esteem – the wherewithal to appreciate our value and significance to self and society. Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite to loving others. By understanding and appreciating ourselves – our character strengths, virtues, and attributes as well as our defects, we open ourselves to sharing that authenticity with others.
Developing Healthy Interconnectivity
To address our inability to effectively establish, develop, and maintain relationships it is necessary to define the problem – the source and expression of the problem. This is facilitated by personal introspection, memory work, journaling, role-playing, and other tools and techniques that help us rationally respond to the negative self-beliefs that generated our lacuna of self-esteem. Outside of a comprehensive recovery program, there are some steps we can initiate on our own to change our patterns of thought and behavior. We:
Identify the type of relationship we are having difficulty establishing, developing, or maintaining. It may be collegial (work), sexual, family, pragmatic (networking), social, short- or long-term, and so on. Each one is approached differently in recovery and resolution.
Unmask our fears. What is problematic for us in the relationship? How do we feel (physically, intellectually, emotionally)? What are our specific concerns or worries? Are we afraid of rejection? Are we worried we will say or do something stupid? Are we concerned we will be criticized or ridiculed?
Identity our corresponding ANT(s). Automatic negative thoughts are our immediate, involuntary, emotional expressions of our fears. They are the self-defeating things we tell ourselves. “No one will talk to me.” I’ll say something stupid.” “I’m a loser.” She’ll reject me?” He’ll find me undesirable.”
Examine and analyze our fear(s) and corresponding ANTs. What are the causes, thoughts, and images that precipitate and provoke them? It is these fundamental self-beliefs that impact our relationships.
Generate Rational Responses. Our fears and ANTs are irrational. Once we have examined and analyzed them, and become mindful of their false assumptions, we devise rational responses to counter them.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
The goal of recovery from social anxiety is the moderation of our irrational fears and anxieties. To attain that, we focus on three objectives: we (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones (2) producerapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) regenerate our self-esteem using methods targeted toward our individual personality.
The definition of recovery is regainingpossession or control of something stolen or lost. Self-empowerment ismaking a conscious decision to become more confident and competent in controlling our lives. In emotional malfunction, what has been stolen or lost is our emotional well-being and quality of life. In self-empowerment, it is the loss of self-esteem and motivation. So, both recovery and self-empowerment deal with regaining or rebuilding what has been lost.
Restructure, Replace, and Regenerate are complementary objectives.
Restructure. All information notifies our neural network to realign, generating a correlated change in behavior and perspective. Our deliberate, repetitive, neural input of information that constitutes proactive neuroplasticity compels our brain to consolidate and accelerate the restructuring of our neural circuitry.
Replace. To counteract our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and images, we identify our maladaptive patterns of thinking, emotional response, or behavior and replace them with healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities.
Regenerate. Through mindfulness (recognition and acceptance) of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements, weregenerate the dormant and latent properties of our self-esteem disrupted by childhood disturbance and the onset of our emotional malfunction.
Complementarity
Complementarityisa state or system of corresponding componentscombining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize the qualities of each other. We are concerned here with two systems: the complementarity of psychological and scientific approaches to recovery and the simultaneous mutual interaction of our mind, body, spirit, and emotions to support them.
Complementarity is further defined as the inherent cooperation of our human system components in maintaining physiological equilibrium. That collaboration is essential for the sustainability of life, our condition, and recovery from said condition.
Recovery and self-empowerment are individually expedited. Just as there is no one right way to do or experience learning and unlearning, so also what helps us at one time in our life may not help us at another. One-size-fits-all approaches to recovery and self-empowerment are exclusionary and inefficient.
We are best served by integrating approaches, developed through clinical study, client targeting, cultural assimilation, and therapeutic innovation. Our environment, heritage, experiences, and associations reflect our wants, choices, and aspirations. If they are not given consideration, then we are not valued. Recovery builds upon our strengths, virtues, and achievements. We do not triumph in battle through incompetence and weakness but with skill and careful planning.
Complementarity in Recovery and Self-Empowerment
A coalescence of science and east-west psychologies is essential to capture the diversity of human thought and experience. Science gives us proactive neuroplasticity; cognitive-behavioral modification and positive psychology’s optimal functioning are Western-oriented, and Eastern practices provide the therapeutic benefits of Abhidharma psychology and the overarching truths of ethical behavior. Crucial to recovery and self-empowerment are individually targeted approaches that focus on the regeneration of our self-esteem.
We focus on the individual over the diagnosis through personality-based solutions. Training in prosocial behavior and emotional literacy support typical interventions. Behavioral exercises are used to practice social skills. Emphasis on the positive aspects of the human condition over pathographic models compensates for malfunction-induced negative self-beliefs and images. Data provide evidence for mindfulness and acceptance-based interventions. Motivational enhancement strategies help clients overcome their resistance to new ideas and concepts. Evidence-based solutions address issues of self-esteem.
Complementary of Our Human Components
Gestalt psychology considers the human mind and behavior as a whole. Radical behaviorism not only considers observable behaviors but also the diversity of human thought and experience. That calls for a collaboration of science, philosophy, and psychology. Philosophy, existentially defined, welcomes religious and spiritual insight. Gestalt theory emphasizes that the whole of anything is greater than its parts. Our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are interconnected parts of the whole that cannot exist independently of the whole or the parts. Each component overlaps, influences, and is interdependent on the others, albeit one dominates until superseded by another. They collaborate in the holism of our personality as the gestalt of our humanness.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
One of the more identifiable characteristics of social anxiety disorder is our overriding sense of shame. This is in response to both internal and external attributions. Outside forces over which we have little to no control – public opinion, the media, stigma, and the pathographic health industry contribute significantly to our negative self-evaluation if we allow it. Since our early behaviors are not a factor, nor are we accountable for SAD’s adolescent onset, it is unreasonable to feel shame for the origins of our condition – yet we continue to do so. This is because our symptoms reflect incompetency and inadequacy. SAD tells us we are helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless so, what is the point? The shame we feel is not so much for having social anxiety but for our unwillingness or perceived inability to challenge it.
This is the thing. While we are not accountable for the hand we have been dealt, we are responsible for how we play the cards we have been given. Shame is controllable. We have the means and the wherewithal. Holding onto shame is irrational. What is irrational? Self-harm is irrational.
Shame is painful and incapacitating. It is the stomach-churning feeling of humiliation and distress from knowing we are not in control of our emotional well-being – and yet we should be. Shame adversely impacts our psychological and physiological health, further eroding our negative self-image and our self-respect. Self-recrimination for not managing our life is far more destructive than the symptoms of our condition. The shame of self-disappointment – that felt moral emptiness that pervades when we abandon our inherent ability and potential – is soul-crushing. And it is unnecessary.
Holding onto shame is not only irrational; it is reckless. The three objectives of recovery are (1) To replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) to produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) to regenerate our self-esteem. Unresolved shame counters and impedes these objectives. Rather than moderating our fears and anxieties, it exacerbates them. When we feel shame, we want to hide, to become invisible. Shame compounds our anxiety and depression, causing us to withdraw from the world and avoid human connectedness. We feel powerless, acutely diminished, and worthless. Yet these are the symptoms we want to resolve!
In many instances, shame can be revealing, cathartic, and motivational, promoting emotional growth and broadened self-awareness. But the shame of knowing we have the capacity to recover from that which has made our lives unbearable yet refuse to take advantage of it – that is untenable. In the memorable words of John Greenleaf Whittier, “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.”
Adding insult to injury, the shame of denying ourselves our inherent ability and potential leads to self-blaming. Especially pervasive in social anxiety disorder, self-blaming is an extremely toxic form of emotional self-abuse. We blame ourselves for our shortcomings. We blame ourselves for our lack of commitment or, when we commit, for not following through. We blame ourselves for our inability to achieve our goals and objectives.
Recovery and self-empowerment require letting go of our negative self-perspectives, expectations, and beliefs, and opening our minds to new ideas and concepts. When we hold onto shame, we remain imprisoned by our recklessness and immobility.
The good news is it is not difficult to relieve ourselves of shame. We simply commit ourselves to recovery.
I invite anyone desiring to probe deeper into the origins and consequences of shame to access the extensive writings of Claude-Hélène Mayer and Elisabeth Vanderheiden including The Bright Side of Shame (2019) and Shame 4.0 (2021) (Springer Nature).
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional dysfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
“Visualize this thing that you want. See it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blueprint, and begin to build.” – Robert Collier
There are multiple coping strategies utilized to alleviate stress including problem-focused, emotion-focused, social, and meaning-focused. They can be adaptive or unhealthy depending upon how they are utilized. We emphasize response-focused and solution-focused strategies for our purposes, but all options are considered and incorporated into a comprehensive recovery program.
The emotion-focused coping strategy focuses on reducing the emotions associated with a stressor while avoiding addressing the problem. Our recovery program emphasizes identifying the situation, associated fears, and corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts).
The problem-focused coping strategy uses the same tools and techniques as our solution-focused strategy. The difference is important, however. The disease model of mental health is pathographic or problem-focused, whereas the wellness model focuses on our character strengths, virtues, and attributes. Recovery is a here-and-now response, The past is immutable. We emphasize the solution over the problem.
Meaning-focused coping strategies entail rationalizing or delegating responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors to a moral or religious code or influence. Our recovery program emphasizes personal responsibility, self-reliance, and self-determination.
4. Social coping strategies are counterproductive to recovery from social anxiety which symptomatically resists social connectivity and finds healthy relationships problematic. They are useful, however, when one has regenerated their self-esteem to a level where they are comfortable in social situations. Avoidance-focused coping strategies are also counterproductive to the recovery of someone whose symptomatic modus operandi is avoidance of stressful situations.
To counter the emotional undercurrent of our situational fears and ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), we learn to respond rationally and intelligently. That is the response-focused element of a recovery program. The solution-based strategy, often neglected in recovery programs, puts theoretical recovery tools and techniques into actual practice. While it is necessary to know the enemy and know ourselves, the origins of our emotional instability are irrelevant. The focus of recovery is resolving or modifying our extant behaviors.
An essential component to moderating our situational fears and anxieties is devising a Feared Situations Plan that we practice in non-threatening workshop environments before exposing ourselves to the actual situation. Incorporated into that plan are coping mechanisms crafted for the specific situation.
There are two types of situations: anticipated and recurring situations and unexpected ones. Planning for the latter is inherently unsystematic. We have assembled an emergency preparedness kit. The Feared Situations Plan is structured around those situations where we generally know what to expect. Both kit and plan utilize similar coping mechanisms.
The focus of this writing is designing a Feared Situations Plan for an anticipated situation that will become a template for similar types of situations.
Let me restate the structure and components of a Plan for Feared Situations.
1. Identify the Feared Situation – the place or circumstance that provokes our fears and anxieties.
2. Unmask the Associated Fear(s) we anticipate will manifest during the Feared Situation
3. Unmake the Corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) – ourimmediate, involuntary, emotional expressions of our Fears.
4. Examine and Analyze our Situational Fear(s) and ANTs. These actions are implemented by various approaches including cognitive-behavioral self-modification, and positive psychology.
5. Generate Rational Responses by deconstructing our Situational Fears and ANTs.
6. Reconstruct our Patterns of Thought and Behavior. Through proactive neuroplasticity and other approaches, we replace or overwhelm our toxic thoughts and behaviors with healthy productive ones.
7. Design our Feared Situation Plan to include:
A. SUDS Rating. The Subjective Units of Distress Scale is a numbered, self-evaluation scale (1-100) that subjectively measures the severity of our Fears and the intensity of distress we feel about a Situation.
B. Purpose. The primary motivation(s) behind our exposure to a situation. What do we seek to accomplish?
C. Persona. The social face we present to the Situation, designed to make a positive impression while concealing our social anxiety.
D. Character Focus. Personal character strengths we emphasize to support our Persona.
E. Distractions. Predetermined sensory objects to rechannel our stress during our Feared Situation.
F. Diversions: Predetermined mental activities to rechannel our stress during our Feared Situation.
G. Projected Positive Outcome. Reasonable expectations we set toensure a positive outcome to our Feared Situation.
H. Projected SUDS Rating. Our predetermined, reasonable projection of the severity of our Fears and the intensity of distress at the conclusion of our Situation.
I. Strategy. Ourpredeterminedoutline or scenario of our Plan incorporating lines A. – H.
8. Practice the Plan in Non-Threatening Simulated Situations. We consolidate the effectiveness of our Feared Situations Plan in practiced exercises including role play and other workshop activities. Affirmative Visualization is a valuable scientific asset.
9. Expose Ourselves to the Feared Situation. We implement our plan in a real-life situation. Thistranspires after significant graded exposure to facilitate the reconstruction of our neural network and establish comfort and familiarity with the prescribed tools and techniques.
Jeanine P.
Jeanine is a workshop graduate. She created a Feared Situation Plan to prepare her for a 3-day, work-related, out-of-town conference. Jeanine had recently been promoted, in her mid-thirties, to a major accounts managerial position in telecommunications. Jeanine’s social anxiety was severe when it came to associating with her peers. The upcoming conference included the other managers throughout the country – a male-dominated, competitive, and experienced group of about thirty colleagues.
1. Feared Situation
Attending an out-of-town company conference.
2. Associated Fears
1. I am new and inexperienced. 2. My participation will be criticized. 3. My peers will ridicule my shortcomings
3. Corresponding ANTs
1. I will be judged negatively. 2. They will criticize my competency. 3. I will be ignored.
4. Examine and Analyze
Associated Fears and Corresponding ANTs
5. Rational Responses
1. I belong here as much as anyone. 2. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t qualified. 3. I am valuable and significant.
6. Design Plan
Design Plan
a. SUDS Rating
75/100
b. Purpose
To demonstrate my competence and abilities.
c. Persona
I will dress professionally in moderate-size heels. I will exude warmth and confidence – think Meryl Street at the Oscars. I will slow talk quietly and with calm deliberation. I am a very qualified professional.
d. Character Focus
1. I will emphasize my dependability – someone who will be supportive of others and who keeps to their commitments – a trustworthy asset to the entire group. 2. My resourcefulness will incentivize creative ways to demonstrate my viability and capabilities.
e. Distractions
1. 2. Internally create stories about the individuals in the room. 2. Look directly at the nose of the person I am engaging.
f. Diversions
1. Take extensive notes to prepare astute and relevant questions. 2.
g. Projected Positive Outcome
General recognition by my peers of my value and qualifications.
h. Projected SUDS Rating
65/199
I. Strategy
See Below
8. Practice Plan
In non-threatening workshop settings. Visualize.
9. Expose Self
to Feared Situation.
Jeanine’s Feared Situations Plan
Strategy: By clearly articulating our strategy, we coalesce all the elements and coping mechanisms of our Plan into a gestalt. Gestalt theory emphasizes that the whole of anything is greater than its parts. It creates a mental scenario that helps us visualize the entirety of the situation.
Our strategy supports our three primary goals. (1) To replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) to produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) to regenerate the elements or self-properties of self-esteem.
Visualization is a cognitive tool that compels our neural network to realize all aspects of a projected outcome. Scientifically supported through studies and neuroscientific understanding, Affirmative Visualization is a form of graded exposure. Its systematic desensitization reduces our fears and anxieties about the actual situation. We envision thinking and behaving in a certain way and, through repetition, attain an authentic shift in our behavior and perspective.
Our brain provides the same neural restructuring when we visualize doing something or when we physically do it; the same regions of our brain are stimulated. Just as our neural network cannot distinguish between toxic and productive information, it also does not distinguish whether we are experiencing something or imagining it. Visualizing raising our left hand is, to our brain, the same thing as physically raising our left hand.
The more we visualize with a clear intent, the more focused we become and the higher the probability of achieving our objectives. Affirmative Visualization activates our dopaminergic-reward system, decreasing the neurotransmissions of anxiety and fear-provoking hormones, and accelerating and consolidating the beneficial ones. When we visualize, our brain generates alpha waves which, neuroscientists have discovered, can dramatically reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression.
This is Jeanine’s strategy.
“I admit, I’m apprehensive about the work conference in Dallas, but that’s to be expected. Everyone wants to make a good first impression. I will be dressed professionally and present myself with confidence and quiet strength. I will deliberate before asking or responding to questions (slow talk). I will emphasize my dependability and resourcefulness – someone who can be counted on and solve problems. I have four excellent coping mechanisms if I start to feel unwarranted stress. By the end of the three days, I anticipate not only will I have impressed the others with my pleasant and confident demeanor, but I will also be recognized for my value and qualifications. Reasonable expectations are that I will impress some, but not all of my cohorts – everyone has self-baggage. I will, however, be generally considered a deliberate, professional, and supportive colleague. I expect to exceed my Projected SUDS Rating, but it is a fair and moderate benchmark for my success.”
That is a winning strategy from a woman with severe social anxiety who had convinced herself she would be criticized and ostracized by her peers which negatively impacted her career with the company and her emotional well-being. The situation remained consistent; Jeannine had dramatically moderated her perspective of and response to the situation. She was no longer subdued by her fears but had taken control of the outcome. “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
It is important to recognize the sense of loss we experience when we moderate or replace our adverse thoughts and behaviors. Even though we compensate with healthy substitutions, we are impacted by the residual effects of subverted negativity as we process change.
Recovery and self-empowerment involve regaining what has been stolen or lost. In social anxiety, it is our emotional well-being and quality of life. In self-empowerment, it is our self-esteem and motivation. By regaining or regenerating these things, we lose their negative attributions. In loss there is gain, as in gain there is loss. We are hard-wired to resist change. We are physiologically structured to attack anything that disrupts our equilibrium. Experiencing loss produces physiological changes in our heart rate, metabolism, and respiration. Inertia senses and resists these changes, while our basal ganglia opposes any modification in our patterns of behavior. A key part of our neural network, the basil ganglia controls our body’s voluntary movements. It is also involved in processes like emotions, motivation, and habits, so we are psychologically impacted by change as well.
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We also know that our brain does not distinguish healthy from toxic information. Our neural network provides the same benefits to negative or positive input. It reciprocates the energy of that information in abundance, It activates the same long-term potentiation, provides the same BDNFproteins associated with improved cognitive functioning, and the same fifty or so chemical hormones that make us feel good. Modifying our behavior is not only challenging but we are impacted by its residual effects.
Loss impacts our sense of identity and compels us to reevaluate our attitudes, rules, and assumptions. It causes us to readjust our behaviors and make changes in our daily lives. It refocuses our cognitive efforts. These are all healthy modifications that consolidate neural restructuring and support recovery and self-empowerment.
Loss can also provoke confusion and depression, generate feelings of guilt, and cause us to withdraw from friends and activities. These common symptoms are due to the physiological and psychological impact of change. Mindfulness and preparedness effectively moderate any adverse reactions.
The Subjective Units of Distress Scale (SUDS) is a numbered, self-evaluation scale (1-100) that measures the intensity of distress we feel about a situation. SUDS has two purposes in recovery and self-empowerment. The first is to help us identify and evaluate the severity of our fears and corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). It also helps us set reasonable expectations; By establishing a projected SUDSs Rating, we project how well we will moderate that distress utilizing our recovery tools and techniques. SUDS exercises are designed to generate a positive response to a potentially negative outcome.
The SAD-provoked negative self-beliefs and image that accompany our psychological trajectory leave an indelible imprint on our emotional development that cannot be fully eradicated. This contradicts any assertion that social anxiety disorder can be cured. By replacing or overwhelming these adverse thoughts and behaviors, we can dramatically moderate their impact. Reducing our SUDS from 85 to 25 is a formidable accomplishment. It is the difference between a tornado (which we equate to the devastating damage of social anxiety) and intermittent showers. Most days are sunny and the coping mechanisms we learn in recovery provide adequate protection when it rains.
It is human nature to feel the loss, physically and psychologically, of a behavioral attachment that has been part-and-parcel of our being for years. However, as the godfather of positive psychology Abraham Maslow assures us, “…the loss of illusions and the discovery of identity, though painful at first, can be ultimately exhilarating and strengthening.”
In effect, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. We experience loss when we replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones. Prudence dictates we anticipate and prepare for its impact.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
<2> It’s Not Your Fault!
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” Part Deux – Sun Tzu, The Art of War
We have examined the multiple reasons we resist recovery. Public opinion, the media, pathology, stigma – even our families deter us from revealing our social anxiety. These external attributions to our resistance are the tip of the iceberg.
We contribute our baggage as well. We choose to remain ignorant of SAD’s destructive capabilities. We go to enormous lengths to remain oblivious to its symptoms as if, by ignoring them, they do not exist or will somehow go away.
Our inherent negative bias predisposes us to obsess over unhealthy experiences. Our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and image exacerbate our sense of inferiority and abnormality. We personalize our social anxiety, convinced we are the only ones who feel exploited.
Despite all evidence to the contrary, we continue to blame ourselves for our social anxiety disorder, a false assumption that generates shame and guilt.
These are only some of our internal attributions to resistance.
Cumulative evidence that a toxic childhood is a primary causal factor in emotional instability or insecurity has been well established. During the development of our core beliefs, we are subject to a childhood disturbance – a broad and generic term for anything that interferes with our optimal physical, cognitive, emotional, or social development. SAD senses our vulnerability and swoops in, negatively impacting our quality of life until we take strides to moderate its symptoms. Childhood disturbance is ubiquitous – it happens to all of us. What differentiates is how we react or respond to it. Having SAD does not make us unique or special. Roughly, one in four adults and adolescents experience social anxiety disorder.
We did not ask for or encourage SAD; it happened to us. When we research its origins, we uncover the likelihood no one is responsible. Certainly not he child. We are not accountable for onset. The onus is on us to do something about it. While not liable for the cards we have been dealt, we are responsible for how we play the hand we have been given.
The negative cycle we find ourselves in has convinced us that there is something wrong with us when the only thing we are doing is viewing ourselves and the world inaccurately. That is a natural response to our symptoms. SAD sustains itself by feeding us life-consistent irrational thoughts and behaviors.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
We are Not Alone
Roughly, 50 million adults and adolescents experience anxiety disorders. 60% of those have depression, and many fall prey to substance abuse. Anxiety and depression are the primary causes of the frightening increase in adolescent suicide over the last decade. Sexual and gender-based adolescents are almost five times more likely to attempt it.
We are Not Abnormal or Special
Neurosis is a condition that negatively impacts our quality of life but does not necessarily interfere with normal day-to-day functions. One-in-four individuals have diagnosable neurosis. According to experts, nearly two-thirds of those reject or refuse to disclose their condition. Include those who dispute or chose to remain oblivious to their malfunction and we can conclude that mental disorders are common, undiscriminating, and universal.
SAD is Not the Consequence of Our Behaviors
Combined statistics reveal that roughly 90% of neuroses onset at adolescence or earlier. Excepting conditions like PTSD or clinical narcissism that impact later in life, the susceptibility originates in childhood. Most psychologists agree that emotional malfunction is a consequence of childhood physical, emotional, or sexual disturbance. It could be hereditary, environmental, or the result of trauma. It could be real or imagined, intentional or accidental. Perhaps parents are controlling or do not provide emotional validation. Maybe we were subjected to bullying or from a broken home. Behaviors later in life may impact the severity but are not responsible for the neurosis itself. There is the likelihood that no one is responsible. While our behavior over our lifetime can impact the severity, the origins of the disorder happen in childhood. This disputes moral models that we are to blame for our disorder, or that it is God’s punishment for sin.
We are Not Mental
Not only is the description inaccurate, but it promotes hostile perceptions of incompetence and derangement. It is the dominant source of stigma, guilt, and self-loathing. The word mental defines a person or their behavior as extreme or illogical. In adolescence, anyone unpopular or different was a mentalcase or a retard. The urban dictionary defines mental as someone silly or stupid. It is often associated withviolent or divisive behavior.Add the word illness or disorder and we have the public stereotype of the dangerous and unpredictable individual who cannot fend for themselves and should be isolated. Emotional malfunction is not ‘mental,’ biologic, hygienic, neurochemical, or psychogenic, but all of these things.
To the early civilizations, mental illnesses were the domain of supernatural forces and demonic possession. Hippocrates and diagnosticians of the 19th century favored the humours (bodily liquids). Lunar influence, sorcery, and witchcraft are timeless culprits. In the early 20th century, it was somatogenic. The biological approach argues that disorder is due to our brain’s physical structure and functioning. The pharmacological approach promotes it as brain chemistry imbalance. The first Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (1952) leaned heavily on environmental and biological causes.
We are not mental but conditioned by the simultaneous mutual interaction of mind, body, spirit, and emotions. Social anxiety disorder is an emotional malfunction, and its symptoms can be dramatically moderated. If we choose to go that route.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
We are Not Hopeless, Helpless, Undesirable, or Worthless
Three of those anxiety self-designations originated with Aaron Beck, the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy. The concept of undesirability revealed itself in my SAD recovery workshops. While we remain conjoined with our social anxiety disorder, we continue to be guided by these self-destructive beliefs.
Of course, we are not helpless unless we choose to be. Multiple resources are available to anyone with the motivation and commitment to recover.
We are not hopeless. Once we recognize the irrationality of our fears, we see them for what they are. SAD-provoking abstractions, powerless without our participation.
We are not undesirable. SAD compels us to view ourselves inaccurately. It reinforces or justifies our negative self-image, convincing us our assumptions are the truth of a situation instead of emotional interpretations.Our fears and anxieties manifest in how we think about ourselves, how we think others think about us, and how we process that information. Assuming we know what others think about us is illogical and narcissistic.
We are not worthless but integral and consequential to all things, the ultimate, dynamic, creative ground of being and doing. We are unique to every other entity; there is no one like us. We are the totality of our experiences, beliefs, perceptions, demands, and desires with individual DNA, fingerprints, and outer ears. There is and never has been a human being with our sensibilities, memories, motivations, and dreams.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
Yet, we continue to beat ourselves up for our perceptual inadequacies. We blame ourselves for our defects as if they are the pervading forces of our true being, rather than symptoms of our malfunction. We are not defined by our social anxiety disorder. We are defined by our character strengths, virtues, and achievements. When we break our leg do we become that injured limb or are we simply an Individual with a broken leg?
To moderate our social anxiety, we identify the situations that provoke them. Further self-examination unpacks the associated fears and corresponding negative thoughts and behaviors. We need to know what adversely impacts us to rationally respond. We cannot fix the complexity of our thoughts and behaviors unless we know what is broken. SAD is the most underrated, misunderstood, and misdiagnosed disorder. Nicknamed the neglected anxiety disorder, few professionals understand it, and fewer know how to challenge it. One has to experience it to know it and examine it to understand it.
We dread situations that provoke our fears of criticism and ridicule. We anticipate being judged negatively. We reject overtures anticipating rejection. Unless we are fortune tellers or mind-readers, assuming to know what another person is thinking or planning is irrational. It is a symptom of our condition.
We worry we might do or say something stupid. Fretting about something that may or may not happen is illogical. If it happens, it happens. We learn from it and move on. Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment eliminates opportunities and diminishes possibilities. These are not reasonable concerns. SAD sustains itself with our irrational thoughts and behaviors.
We define ourselves by our symptoms, rather than our character strengths. virtues, and attributes. We gravitate toward the negative aspects of a situation and exclude the positive. Why? Because we are more invested in our condition than in seeking a way out.
Tough love is loosely defined as love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner to promote awareness of self-destructive behavior. I’m going to project some tough love, here, because I know, from experience, we coddle ourselves. We feel sorry for ourselves. We blame our condition on all these external and internal attributions when the only genuine disservice is in our unwillingness to do something about it.
Once we know ourselves and know the enemy, there is nothing standing in the way of recovery It is rationally incomprehensible to choose otherwise. The process is theoretically simple. It is time-consuming, repetitive, and personally revealing, but it is not difficult. The choice is obvious. Seek recovery or do nothing.
SAD sustains itself by inflicting anxiety and fear, but anxiety and fear have no power on their own. We fuel them; we give them strength and power. We control our emotional well-being and quality of life, and only we can compel change.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
I have outlined the structure and described the benefits of proactive neuroplasticity. Through the deliberate, repetitive, neural input of information (DRNI), we compel our neural networkto change its polarity and assist in the positive transformation of our thoughts and behaviors. Information alerts. Information sparks a receptor neuron, sending electrical information to a sensory neuron, stimulating presynaptic or sensory neurons that forward it to millions of participating neurons, causing a cellular chain reaction in multiple interconnected areas of our brain. Other benefits include long-term potentiation, abundant reciprocation, and increased BDNF and chemical hormones that consolidate cognitive functioning.
Proactive neuroplasticity is the most effective method of positive neural restructuring, but it has its limitations. It is a product of our brain’s left hemisphere – the analytical part responsible for rational thinking. Recovery and self-empowerment entail identifying the automatic negative thoughts and behaviors (ANTs) that negatively impact our emotional well-being. That is only half the battle. We are complementary beings; our minds, body, spirit, and emotions work in concert. Our brain’s right hemisphere is responsible for our emotions, creativity, intuition, feelings, and imagination. That is the role of active neuroplasticity. Proactive neuroplasticity attends to the mental and the rational, and active neuroplasticity the emotional, social, and spiritual. Recovery, self-empowerment, and neural restructuring are enabled by both as is our physiological structure. What proactive neuroplasticity lacks in productivity is fulfilled by reactive neuroplasticity. They complete each other.
Plasticity is the quality of being easily shaped or molded. Neuroplasticity is our brain’s continuous adaptation and restructuring to information.Science recognizes that our neural network is dynamic and malleable – realigning its pathways and rebuilding its circuits in response to all stimuli.
The principle goal of recovery and self-empowerment is replacing or overwhelming our accumulation of toxic neural information with healthy input. What is the role of neuroplasticity in positive behavioral change? The definition of recovery is regainingpossession or control of something stolen or lost. Self-empowerment is making a conscious decision to become stronger and more confident in controlling our lives. In neuroses such as anxiety, depression, and comorbidities, what has been stolen or lost is our emotional well-being and quality of life. In self-empowerment, it is the loss of self-esteem and motivation. So, both recovery and self-empowerment deal with regaining what has been lost. And both are accomplished through neuroplasticity.
We accelerate and consolidate learning and unlearning by compelling our brains to restructure their neural circuitry. This confirms that our emotional well-being is self-determined. While we are impacted by outside forces over which we have limited to no control – life’s vicissitudes, physical deterioration, human hostilities – our psychological health is determined by how we react to things. How we respond to adversity as well as fortune and opportunity. The onus of recovery and self-empowerment rests with us. We control our emotional well-being.
If there is an underlying theme in recovery and self-empowerment, it is that we are not defined by our faults and defects, but by our character strengths, virtues, and attributes, rediscovered and affirmed utilizing a synthesis of targeted scientific and psychological approaches. Mindfulness of this strengthens our self-reliance, reboots our self-esteem, and promotes positive neural repatterning.
Human neuroplasticity happens in three forms. Reactive neuroplasticity is our brain’s natural response to things over which we have limited to no control – stimuli we absorb but do not initiate or focus on. A car alarm, lightning, the smell of baked goods. Our neural network automatically restructures itself to what happens around us.
Active neuroplasticity happens through intentional pursuits like creating, yoga, and journaling. We control active neuroplasticity because we consciously choose the activity. A significant component of active neuroplasticity is our altruistic and compassionate social behavior, e.g., teaching, compassion, and random acts of kindness.
Proactive neuroplasticity is rapid, concentrated, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network from toxic to positive. This is best consummated by DRNI – the deliberate, repetitive neural input of information.
What is significant is our ability to deliberately accelerate and consolidate learning and unlearning. Over the years our brain structures itself around negative neural input forming in childhood and increasing exponentially due to our inherent negative bias and the vicissitudes of life. The primary objective in recovery and self-empowerment is replacing or overwhelming that negative information with positive neural input.
Through neuroplasticity, we consciously and deliberately transform our thoughts and behaviors, creating healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities. Our informed and deliberate engagement provokes change rather than reacting and responding to it.
Both proactive and active neuroplasticity assist in the positive transformation of our thoughts and behaviors. Their collaboration reinforces and strengthens neural restructuring. Proactive neuroplasticity is self-oriented; active neuroplasticity is other-oriented. Their activities collaborate as do our two hemispheres and the left and right sides of our physical structure. Gestalt psychology considers the human mind and behavior as a whole. Radical behaviorism not only considers observable behaviors but also the diversity of human thought and experience. That calls for a collaboration of science, philosophy, and psychology. Philosophy, existentially defined, welcomes religious and spiritual insight. Hard science is supported by proactive neuroplasticity and psychology by active neuroplasticity. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts.
Self-esteem is mindfulness of our qualities and character as well as our defects. It is how we think about ourselves, how we think others think about us, and how we process that information. Healthy self-esteem tells us we are of value, consequential, and desirable. The inherent byproduct of healthy self-esteem is self-appreciation. It is self-esteem paid forward. The consolidation of our self-regard and the recognition of what we have to offer drives us to share it with others. Self-appreciation is the natural evolution of self-esteem.
Beyond the synthetic and creative products of active neuroplasticity is our ethical and compassionate social behavior. Contributions to others and society are extraordinary assets to neural restructuring. The value of volunteering – providing support, empathy, and concern for those in need – is extraordinary, not only in promoting positive behavioral change but in our neural restructuring. The social interconnectedness established by caring interconnectivity augments the regeneration of our self-esteem and self-appreciation.
Proactive and active neuroplasticity are necessary formidable tools for neural restructuring, the regeneration of our self-esteem and appreciation, and the corresponding positive transformation of our thoughts and behaviors.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
Cognitive distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that perpetuate our anxiety and depression. In essence, we twist reality to reinforce or justify our toxic behaviors and validate our irrational attitudes, rules, and assumptions. Our attitudes refer to our emotions, convictions, and behaviors. Rules are the principles or regulations that influence our behaviors, and our assumptions are what we believe to be accurate or real. Social anxiety and other emotional dysfunctions paint an inaccurate picture of the self in the world with others.
Understanding how we use cognitive distortions as subconscious strategies to avoid facing certain truths is crucial to recovery. SAD drives our illogical thought patterns. Countering them requires mindfulness of our motives and rational response. Our compulsion to twist the truth to validate our negative self-beliefs and image is powerful; we need to understand how these distortions sustain our social anxiety. Cognitive distortions are rarely cut and dried but tend to overlap and share traits and characteristics. That’s what makes them difficult to clearly distinguish.
We are highly susceptible to cognitive distortions when under stress. During a situation, they are like IEDs capable of destroying our confidence and composure. Because of their similarities, it is challenging and unnecessary to distinguish one from the others as long as we remain mindful of their accessibility, so we can nip them in the bud. Our symptoms are easy targets for cognitive distortions.
ALWAYS BEING RIGHT. Our need to be right protects the fragile self-image sustained by our fears of criticism, ridicule, and rejection. Being right is more important than the truth or the feelings of others. Thoughts or opinions that contradict are harmful to our emotional structure.
The core and intermediate beliefs of a person living with social anxiety are rigid; we dismiss new ideas and concepts. Even when our belief system is inaccurate, it defines how we see ourselves in the world. If the facts don’t comport with our beliefs, we dispute or disregard them. When we decline to question our beliefs, we act upon them as though they are valid and reasonable, ignoring evidence that contradicts – even if we doubt the veracity of our claims. Our insecurity is so severe, our maladjusted attitudes, rules, and assumptions run roughshod over the truth and the feelings of others.
We store information consistent with these beliefs, which generates a cognitive bias – a subconscious error in thinking that leads us to misinterpret information, impacting the accuracy of our perspectives and decisions. Our low implicit and explicit self-esteem keeps us on the defensive and compels the need to compensate for our perceptual lack of positive self-qualities. We ignore or contest anything that poses a threat, especially information inconsistent with what we assert to be true. The need to always be right can also reflect the narcissism evident in the irrational belief that we are the center of attention in any situation.
Because of our neediness to always be right, we tend to ignore what others are saying. We avoid recognizing anything that might lead us to conclude we are mistaken. Even when we know we are wrong, we find it hard to admit it because it exacerbates our fears of ridicule and criticism.
In situations where we are ill-advised to dispute our superiors or other authority figures, we subvert our need to be right. We bow to pressure and imply that we accept their truth, covertly convinced we are right, and they are not. This subservience forces us to give away our power, generating anger and resentment. We smile and agree with those who hold sway over us. but secretly envy their power, becoming irritated and bitter.
In our formative years, many of us were undervalued – subject to the circumstances of our childhood disturbance. Our parents may have been controlling or dismissive, our siblings overbearing. Some of us rarely experienced positive feedback or appreciation. As adults, we are driven to disregard thoughts and viewpoints that conflict with our own.
Always Being Right does not bode well for healthy relationships because we do not reciprocate shared issues or experiences. Counterfeit, ignoring, selective, and hostile listening devalues the relevance of others and inhibits the prospect of healthy connectivity. Being right is more important than establishing and maintaining friendships and intimacy.
Recovery promotes considered and attentive listening skills – active communication where we value what is being said by the other. In empathic listening, we seek first to understand and then to be understood.
BLAMING is a negative thinking pattern where we wrongly assign accountability. There are two forms of this cognitive distortion. External blaming is when we hold others accountable for our behaviors; internal blaming is assuming responsibility for the thoughts and reactions of others or beating ourselves up for behaviors that are SAD-provoked.
External blaming. The burden of responsibility for our negative thoughts and behaviors can be overwhelming. Our defense mechanism impels us to hold others responsible for things we are unable or unwilling to manage emotionally. We convince ourselves that others are responsible for the feelings and behaviors caused by our anxiety. “She makes me feel stupid” or “My roommate makes me feel inferior.”
Our adverse self-beliefs and image elicit an endless feedback loop of helplessness and hopelessness that, by their very nature, literally plead for assistance. We put the onus on the other, and if they do not support us to our satisfaction, then they are to blame.
Internal blaming, Social anxiety disorder comes with a mixed bag of irrational assumptions. Its symptomatic anticipation of criticism and rejection convinces us we have foreknowledge of the opinions and reactions of others. We are fortune tellers with the power to read other people’s minds. In fact, with our compulsion to self-fulfilling prophesize, we imagine we control their responses. Since those responses are subjectively negative, we have no one to blame but ourselves. That is internal blaming.
Persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Our SAD-provoked negative self-beliefs lead us to project our character defects and problems onto others. We then assume responsibility for them. If our roommate’s behavior is self-destructive, it subjectively reflects on us and we are, therefore, responsible.
There is another aspect of internal blaming, prevalent in social anxiety disorder, which is a particularly insidious form of emotional self-sabotage. Even though we bear no responsibility for SAD onset, we blame ourselves for our behaviors and our perceived character deficits. SAD thrives on our self-denigration and other hyphenated forms of self-abuse. We blame ourselves when we avoid interacting with someone out of fear of rejection. We have something noteworthy to share in class but are afraid to raise our hands. We want to join a conversation but are convinced our nerves will expose us. Then, adding insult to injury, we beat ourselves up because our symptoms get the better of us, causing us to self-characterize as stupid, incompetent, or unattractive.
Until we devise rational responses to our fears and social avoidance, we tend to assign blame for our negative thoughts and behaviors. The ability to look at our actions through the prism of intellectual awareness is a necessary component of the transformative act and indispensable to recovery. Rational response allows the flow of positive thought and behavior necessary for recovery, eliminating the need to blame. Until we master recovery, we will continue to search for avenues to unburden ourselves of responsibility.
CATASTROPHIZING. One morning, as Chicken Little was plucking worms in the henyard, an acorn dropped from a tree onto her head. She had no idea what hit her and assumed the worst. “The sky is falling, the sky is falling.” Catastrophizing is concluding the worst-case scenario when things happen to us, rather than considering more plausible explanations. It is the irrational assumption that something is far worse than it is. We prophesize the worst and twist reality to support our projection. If our significant other complains of a headache, we assume our relationship is doomed. When this happens again, our belief is confirmed.
A symptom of SAD is our tendency to expect negative consequences to things that happen during a situation. Because of our life-consistent negative self-appraisal, and inherent negative bias, we tend to assume the worst. Often, we justify our catastrophizing based on prior events, believing that catastrophe will ensue because we blew the former out of proportion. This is similar to Overgeneralization where one bad apple means the entire bushel is rotten. Our four horsemen of social anxiety disorder – helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and unworthiness aggravate our negative assumptions. Catastrophizing is often a consequence of our symptomatic fears of criticism, ridicule, and rejection. We take something we believe is inevitable and presuppose its actuality. We will be rejected and therefore, never find love. We will be criticized and, therefore, never be taken seriously.
Catastrophizing is paralyzing. It limits our interactivity and social engagement because we avoid situations that posit the possibility of disaster. Our fatalistic obsessions prevent us from experiencing and enjoying life. We express it in our SAD-induced automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). “What if no one talks to me?” “What if they criticize my presentation?” “What if they find me unattractive?” Worrying about something that hasn’t happened is an exercise in futility and supports our sense of hopelessness. It can negatively impact our entire outlook in life, causing issues of motivation and self-esteem that lead to self-disappointment and underachievement.
Considering the consequences of what can happen is a regular and rational part of determining our actions and activities. The compulsion to project the worst possible outcome, no matter how improbable, is self-destructive.
When those of us with social anxiety disorder find ourselves in a situation where we dread being criticized, ridiculed, and or rejected, the smallest incident, like a failed attempt at humor, can trigger the belief that the entire evening is a personal disaster. This projection can easily become a self-fulfilling prophecy because we are convinced of its inevitability.
Again, the obvious remedy is to become mindful of our susceptibility to this distortion, rationally assess the situation, and consider plausible explanations for the incident that triggered our catastrophizing.
CONTROL FALLACIES. A fallacy is a belief based on unreliable evidence and unsound arguments. As we discussed earlier, we cognitively distort to reinforce or justify our self-beliefs and validate our irrational attitudes, rules, and assumptions – how we perceive, think, and behave.
A Control Fallacy is the conviction that (1) something or someone has power and control over things that happen to us, or (2) we hold that type of power over others. We either believe events in our lives are beyond our control, or we assume responsibility for everything.
When we feel externally controlled, we see ourselves as weak and powerless. We blame outside forces (fate, the weather, authority figures) for the adversity in our lives. We accuse our gender, race, sexuality, weight, income, and education rather than assume responsibility for our actions. A health scare becomes an act of god, the philanderer blames his wife for leaving him, and our failing grade is because our instructor has a personal grudge.
Conversely, the fallacy of internal control is when we assume unrealistic responsibility for everything. We believe we have power and influence over other people’s thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. We blame ourselves for their mishaps and misfortunes. It is our fault our friend turns to drugs because we weren’t supportive. Our supervisor suffers a heart attack because we continually miss deadlines.
Both external and internalcontrol fallacies correspond to our SAD-induced feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness.
We believe external forces control us because we feel powerless over what happens to us. Our sense of hopelessness tells us any effort towards remedy is futile. “They think I’m incompetent.” “She finds me unattractive.” “I don’t belong here.” We subsequently feel guilty for our inadequacy, and shame for our weakness. We wallow in self-pity, convinced that attempts at happiness are pointless.
Our tendency to unjustifiably blame ourselves for our social anxiety disorder leads to internal control fallacies. Had we moderated our adolescent behavior, we claim, we could have prevented the onset. This leads us to believe we have control over other things we bear no responsibility for. “It’s my fault she’s unhappy.” “He drinks because I ignored him.” The belief we have let everyone down wreaks havoc on our emotional well-being and our sense of competence.
These Control Fallacies inform us we are not assigning blame in the appropriate ways. We need to stop taking responsibility for problems we do not create and assume responsibility for our actions. That is only logical. Unfortunately, SAD subsists on our irrational thoughts and behaviors. Those of us living with social anxiety frequently use cognitive distortions because we feel trapped in its vicious circle, restricted from living a normal life. A fundamental component of recovery is learning how to identify our cognitive distortions to devise rational responses.
EMOTIONAL REASONING is the catalyst for many of the other distortions. The irrational thought patterns that underscore our cognitive distortions stem from the SAD-provoked convictions we are helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. For example, when we engage in Filtering, we selectively ignore the positive aspects of a situation because of our life-consistent negative self-beliefs. This unbalanced perspective leads to Polarized Thinking, where we perceive things only in black or white. Because of our negative self-appraisal, we assume everything that happens is our fault, and anything said derogatorily reflects on us. That’s called Personalization, which is very much like internal blaming. Emotional Reasoning is the likely progenitor of all of our cognitive distortions as they are ruled by our emotions.
Emotional Reasoning is making judgments and decisions based only on feelings – relying on our emotions over objective evidence. It is best defined by the colloquialism, ‘my gut tells me.’ This emotional dependency dictates how we relate to the world. At the root of Emotional Reasoning is the belief that what we feel must be true. If we feel like a loser, then we must be a loser. If we feel incompetent, then we must be incapable. If we make a mistake, we must be stupid. All the negative things we feel about ourselves, others, and the world must be valid because they feel true.
Emotions are the reactions that we express in response to situations. Emotions by themselves have little relevance to the truth of a situation. They are products of what we think or assume is happening, and our subsequent reaction or response.
We are hard-wired to be swayed by our emotions. They are our initial influence because they are unconscious and automatic; evidence and facts are secondary considerations. If we have distorted thoughts and beliefs, our emotions will reflect them. When we make judgments and decisions based on our feelings without supporting evidence, we are likely misinterpreting reality.
We are all highly susceptible to Emotional Reasoning, and not all decisions made are wrong or destructive. It is healthy to stay in touch with our feelings or trust our instincts, provided they correspond with reality. A balanced perspective embraces emotions and intuitions as well as evidence. Because SAD sustains itself on our irrational thoughts and emotions, we are prone to making poor decisions.
Recovery requires a rational response-based strategy for psychological balance. One that considers the simultaneous mutual interaction of our mind, body, spirit, and emotions working in concert. To counter our predilection for Emotional Reasoning, we examine and analyze our automatic negative thoughts before reacting and responding. We learn to rechannel the emotional angst of our situational fears and anxieties into intellectual self-awareness, considering the facts, evidence, alternative possibilities, and multiple perspectives.
Emotional Reasoning is feeling without thinking – relying on our emotions over objective evidence. It is best defined by the colloquialism, my gut tells me… This emotional dependency dictates how we erroneously relate to the world. At the root of Emotional Reasoning is the belief that what we feel must be true. If we feel like a loser, then we must be a loser. If we feel guilty, then we must have done something wrong. All the negative things we feel about ourselves, others, and the world must be true because they feel true. Emotional Reasoning is an oxymoron. In recovery, resolving this opposition is the primary task at hand.
Emotions are the reactions that we experience in response to our situations. The type of emotion a person experiences is determined by multiple factors including our core and intermediate beliefs, experiences, and the situational fear that triggers the emotion. Emotions by themselves have little relevance to the truth of a situation. They are products of what we think or assume is happening.
We are hard-wired to hearken to our emotions. We consider them first because they are unconscious and automatic. It is more natural to base our conclusions on feelings than on facts. If we have distorted thoughts and beliefs, then our emotions will reflect those distortions. Emotional Reasoning is not only dichotomous but also irrational. When we pass judgments and make decisions based on our feelings without supporting evidence, we are likely misinterpreting reality.
We are all susceptible to Emotional Reasoning, and not all decisions made are wrong or destructive. It is healthy to stay in touch with our feelings assuming they correspond with reality. A balanced perspective embraces instinct, feelings, and experience as well as evidence. The challenge to us is that our SAD sustains itself on our irrationality, and our negative core and intermediate beliefs lead us to ignore evidence that contradicts them, compelling us to make poor decisions.
FALLACY OF FAIRNESS is the unrealistic assumption that life should be fair. It is human nature to equate fairness with how well our personal preferences are met. We know how we want to be treated and anything that infringes upon seems unreasonable and emotionally unacceptable. Fairness is subjective, however. Two people seldom agree on what is fair. The fact that those of us living with SAD are predisposed to personalize does not make things any easier.
We have been at our job longer, but the newer arrival gets the promotion. It may be the better management decision but, to us, it is blatantly unfair. The school bully is selected for the varsity team while we are sidelined to the practice squad. The fact he is a better player does little to mitigate our belief in the unfairness of the coach’s decision. Needless to say, these unsupportive decisions lead to anger, frustration, and self-pity. Envy is a common emotional reaction, especially when we compare ourselves to others who are more successful and feel life or circumstance has treated us unfairly.
The concept of fairness varies, based on our experiences, culture, and environment. It is a personally biased assessment of how well our expectations, needs, and wants are met by others, institutions, and nature. When real life goes against our perceptions of fairness, as it often does, it generates negative emotions.
The belief that all things in life should be based on fairness and equality is a noble but unrealistic philosophy. We can strive for such things, but life’s vicissitudes have a will of their own. The obvious reality is that much of life is inequitable. People are self-oriented, institutions alternatively focused, and nature indeterminate. Wanting things to work in our favor is normal; expecting them to do so is irrational.
We all have our ideas of how we like to be treated In personal interactions, but reciprocation is governed by the other, and it rarely comports with our expectations. As a result, we blame others for any adverse response rather than consider their expectations and our self-centered assumptions of fairness.
The problem is exacerbated in those of us living with social anxiety because it subsists on our irrational thoughts and behaviors, which means that our expectations are often irrational as well. Ironically, we are not surprised when they are not met because we symptomatically anticipate and project negative outcomes. This does not stop us, however, from blaming ourselves or others when our negative prophecies are fulfilled.
The Fallacy of Fairness is often expressed in conditional assumptions. “If my teacher knew how hard I studied, she’d give me a passing grade.” Conditional conclusions allow us to avoid delegating true accountability. Studying does not always lead to comprehension, and our teacher bases grades on test results. ”If my parents had treated me better, I wouldn’t have social anxiety disorder.” The direct cause of emotional dysfunction is indeterminate, and blaming our parents or ourselves is irrational given the evidence.
It is advisable to stand outside the bullseye – to emotionally extract ourselves from an undesirable situation and evaluate it from multiple perspectives. Fairness is subjective, based on personal beliefs and experiences. Mindfulness of the needs and experiences of others is a product of recovery. Moderating our fears of social interaction allows us to entertain other points of view, and reveals the narrow-mindedness of fairness, which is just a state of mind.
FILTERING. Our negative core and intermediate beliefs form in response to childhood disturbance and the onset of our emotional dysfunction. Core beliefs are more rigid in those of us living with social anxiety because we tend to store information consistent with negative beliefs. Our intermediate beliefs establish our attitudes, rules, and assumptions. These beliefs govern our perceptions and, ostensibly, remain as our belief system throughout life. Even if irrational or inaccurate, our beliefs define how we see ourselves in the world. When we decline to question these beliefs, we act upon them as though they are real and reasonable, ignoring evidence that contradicts them. This produces a cognitive bias – a subconscious error in thinking that causes us to misinterpret information and make irrational decisions.
To compound this, humans have an inherent negativity bias. We are genetically predisposed to respond more strongly to adversity, which aggravates our SAD symptoms. We anticipate the worst-case scenario. We expect criticism, ridicule, and rejection. We worry about embarrassing or humiliating ourselves. We project unpleasant outcomes that become self-fulfilling prophecies. It is not surprising that we readily turn to Filtering and Polarized Thinking to justify our irrational thought patterns.
When we engage in Filtering, we selectively choose our perspective. Our tunnel vision gravitates toward the negative aspects of a situation and excludes the positive. This applies to our memories as well. We dwell on the unfortunate aspects of what happened rather than the whole picture.
A person who consistently filters out negative information is someone with an excessively cheerful or optimistic personality. Conversely, a person who emphasizes gloom and doom is unhappy or defeatist. Those of us living with SAD tend to mirror the latter. We filter out positive aspects of our life, choosing to dwell on situations and memories that support our negative self-image. This creates an emotional imbalance due to the exclusion of healthy thoughts and behaviors. We view ourselves, the world, and our future through an unforgiving lens.
Negative filtering is one of the most common cognitive distortions in anxiety because it sustains our toxic core and intermediate beliefs. Our pessimistic outlook exacerbates our feelings of helplessness and hopelessness. We accentuate the negative. A dozen people in our office celebrate our promotion; one ignores us. We obsess over the lone individual and disregard the goodwill of the rest. By dwelling on the unpleasantness, we reinforce our feelings of undesirability and alienation.
To effectively challenge our tendency to filter information, we need to identify the situation(s) that provokes our anxiety and the corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). From there, we analyze the unsoundness of our reaction and devise a rational response. Initially, the conversion process is exacting, but with time and practice, it becomes reflexive and spontaneous. Cognitive behaviorists call it ARTs – automatic rational thoughts.
The term maladaptive behavior was coined by Aaron Beck, the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy. It is prevalent in social anxiety disorder. Maladaptive means we tend to adapt wrongly (negatively) to situations. We must remain mindful that our symptoms encourage a negative perspective and adjust accordingly.
HEAVEN’S REWARD FALLACY is when we put other people’s needs ahead of our own with an expectation of reciprocation. Contrary to others who share this cognitive distortion, SAD persons are not seeking heavenly reward in the afterlife, but acknowledgment in this one.
We continually say yes to others while denying ourselves, We tell ourselves our motives are selfless, but we do it out of neediness and loneliness. We are consummate enablers trying to compensate for our feelings of undesirability and worthlessness. Rather than setting boundaries, we allow ourselves to be bullied and taken advantage of, seeking respect and appreciation. When we are denied, our disappointment leads to bitterness and resentment.
You are an exemplary office worker – always on time, and willing to go the extra mile. When your co-workers fall behind, you always offer to pick up the slack even if it means staying late or working on the weekend. Your desk is organized, you dress for success, and complete your assignments with diligence and efficiency. You eagerly anticipate a promotion at the end of the quarter.
The management hires someone from without the organization. Your disappointment turns to anger and resentment. When the company distributes the annual bonuses, yours does not reflect the recognition you think you deserve. Colleagues move on to better employment, but you have spent so much time ingratiating yourselves with management, you have not considered viable alternatives. You mire yourself in The Fallacy of Fairness and your resentment turns to sullenness and hostility.
People who engage in Heaven’s Reward Fallacy undervalue their worth and significance and have poor self-awareness. It is easier to take on the needs and responsibilities of others rather than face our fears and anxieties. Our actions are self-serving rather than noble. True altruism does not expect reciprocation.
Recovering our self-esteem is an essential element of recovery and cannot be second-tiered. Due to our disruption in natural human development, we are subject to significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Our negative core and intermediate beliefs stemming from childhood disturbance and onset are directly implicated. Our symptomatic fears and anxieties aggravate this deficit.
We rediscover and regenerate our self-esteem through the integration of historically and clinically practical approaches designed to help us become mindful of our inherent strengths, virtues, and achievements, and their propensity to replace our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and image.
JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS is when we judge or decide something without having all the facts to substantiate our conclusion. It is also fortune-telling and mind-reading. We jump to conclusions when we assume to know what another person is feeling or why they act the way they do. When we form our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) we usually jump to conclusions because the only evidence we rely on is our fears and anxieties which are abstractions based on perceptions rather than reality. When we overgeneralize or filter our information to conclude “no one will like me” or “they will make fun of me,” we are Jumping to Conclusions. It is irrational to decide, without a crystal ball, how others will react to us or feel about us.
While our conclusions may be based on prior experience, assuming it will repeat itself in similar situations, while possible, is an implausible conclusion. Yes, we may say something stupid, or experience physical symptoms, but we don’t know that beforehand; we merely prophesize it will happen because it happened before. This is a common assumption among those of us with social anxiety.
Many of our other cognitive distortions are formed by Jumping to Conclusions. When we overgeneralize, we draw a broad conclusion or make a statement about something or someone that is not backed up by the bulk of evidence. When we label someone because of a single characteristic or event, we are Jumping to Conclusions. Likewise, when we personalize or take responsibility for something that has nothing to do with us.
A primary SAD symptom is the fear of situations in which we believe we will be negatively appraised. We jump to the conclusion we will be criticized, ridiculed, or rejected, usually in advance of the situation. This distorted thinking causes us to react defensively or to avoid the situation entirely. If we assume we are the center of attention, we are not going to let our guard down. Often, we predict a bad outcome to a situation to protect ourselves if it happens. It helps us avoid disappointment.
If our significant other is in a bad mood, we assume we did something wrong. If our manager slams the door to the office, we imagine it’s because we were talking on the phone. If a stranger passes us on the sidewalk, it is because we are unappealing.
When we jump to conclusions, we create self-fulfilling prophecies. We avoid interacting with others because we have predicted a negative outcome. We avoid relationships because we tell ourselves they will not succeed. We avoid recovery because we know it will come to naught. We expect the worst possible consequences of a situation because we jumped to the conclusion things will not end well. Over the years, SAD has convinced us we are helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. It isn’t much of a leap for us to conclude that we are.
LABELING. When we label an individual or group, we reduce them to a single, usually negative, characteristic or descriptor based on a single event or behavior. As a result, we view them (or ourselves) through the label and filter out information that contradicts the stereotype. Labeling others leads to false assumptions, prejudice, and ostracizing. “Because he talks about his neighbor, he is a gossip.”
Our SAD symptoms compel us to label others to support our preconceived notions about how others perceive us. Our conversational inadequacy might make us label the group as rude and dismissive. If we expect rejection, they are cold and untrustworthy. Because we feel like we are the center of attention, our social failure could lead us to label the entire room as mean or arrogant.
Labeling is common to SAD persons because we resent our symptomatic fears and anxieties, causing us to project our frustrations on those close to us. Labeling a friend or significant other can destroy relationships, especially when the label is for unintentional behavior. If we feel unsupported at a social event, we might label our companion cold or indifferent. In a similar vein, if a parent criticizes us at the dinner table, identifying them as cruel or hateful would not be inconceivable. Polarized Thinking, Filtering, Emotional Reasoning, Jumping to Conclusions, and Overgeneralization lend themselves to Labeling.
We know how distressing it can be when someone labels us. When we-self label, we sustain our negative self-beliefs. “I didn’t meet anyone at the party; I am unlikeable.” Negatively labeling ourselves invariably results in thoughts that support our self-image. “I gave the wrong answer in class; I am stupid.” Self-labeling like inadequate and incompetent supports our sense of hopelessness and undesirability, and we often find our subsequent behaviors support those labels.
Labels are irrational and myopic because they emerge from a single characteristic, behavior, or event and ignore the whole person or situation. Arbitrarily evaluating someone based on one isolated incident or behavior is almost always inaccurate. One negative behavior or incident does not define someone’s entire character. Rather than focusing on the specific element that generated the label, it is important to value the positive contributions of the person or group. We can observe ourselves and others with compassionate insight, recognizing the diversity of human thought and experience.
OVERGENERALIZATION. When we engage In this cognitive distortion, we draw broad conclusions or make statements about something or someone that are unsupported by the available evidence. We make blanket claims that can’t be proven or disproven. Everyone knows Suzie is a liar. To imply that everyone thinks Suzie is a liar is an exaggeration without consensus. A few colleagues may share our opinion, but not the whole world. We overgeneralize if our conclusion is based on one or two pieces of evidence while we ignore anything we know about to the contrary.
Overgeneralization supports our negative self-beliefs and image. Our self-doubt is so intense if someone rejects us, we assume everyone will reject us. Because we persuade ourselves it is unlikely anyone would be interested in getting to know us, we avoid situations where that might occur. That aggravates our SAD-induced fears of interacting or talking with strangers and avoidance of social situations.
Our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) are usually overgeneralizations. “No one will like me.” “I’m a failure.” “She called me stupid.” “Everyone thinks I’m an idiot.” These self-defeating thoughts are based on our fears and anxieties rather than the available evidence. An example of overgeneralization would be the false assumption that, because you failed a test, you will never be able to pass the course.
We justify our prejudices by overgeneralizing. One bad apple in a group means everyone in the group is rotten. We make broad and inaccurate assumptions about that group based on this one person’s behavior. Overgeneralized thinking can cause us to wrongly judge entire groups of people, which is harmful to self and society.
This distortion inevitably leads to avoidance, limiting our willingness to experience things because we have self-prophesied what will happen based on it happening before. Similar to Filtering, where we ignore the positive and dwell on the negative, and Polarized Thinking, where we see things in black or white, overgeneralization is based on assuming the worst. Keywords that support this cognitive distortion include all, every, none, never, always, everybody, and nobody. Overgeneralization often tends to be a self-fulfilling prophecy and is associated with generalized anxiety, social anxiety, depression, panic attacks, PTSD, and OCD.
The rational response to overgeneralization is to (1) consider the accuracy of the statement and consider the available evidence, and (2) identify the situation, fears, and ANTs that compel the need to cognitively distort in the first place.
PERSONALIZATION. If someone says to us, “don’t take it personally,“ we are likely engaging in Personalization. When we engage in this type of thinking, we assume that doings and events are directly related to us and that random remarks are personally relevant. For those of us living with social anxiety disorder, Personalization is symptomatic as in our fear of being criticized or ridiculed, or our perception we are the glaring center of attention in a room.
Personalization is the stepping-stone to internal blaming and internal control fallacies where we wrongly believe we are responsible for things we have little or nothing to do with. As I cautioned earlier, cognitive distortions are not cut-and-dried but ambiguous and overlapping
Did you ever walk into a room, and everyone suddenly stops talking? If you assume they were talking about you, you are exhibiting an acute case of Personalization.
Those of us living with SAD have difficulty understand things from the perspectives of others. Our self-centeredness drives us to assume unassociated incidents involve us. We imagine the world revolves around us which only aggravates our fears of saying or doing the wrong thing and embarrassing ourselves.
Another aspect of Personalization is when we compare ourselves to the achievements of others. If a coworker receives a commendation, we feel inadequate because we were not honored. Our need to personalize is underscored by our concerns about how others think about us. If we do not receive the acclaim to which we think we are entitled, we believe we are being judged unfairly. The rational response to someone receiving a commendation is to recognize their achievements, but our low self-esteem makes us envious.
As children, we believe the world revolves around us, and fail to consider the viewpoints of others. We are cognitively incapable of considering the other probabilities. We assume our parents fight because we did something wrong. Most reasonable people grow out of this self-obsession, but SAD subsists on irrationality which makes us feel underappreciated and misunderstood.
Much of recovery focuses on the regeneration of our self-esteem through the renewed mindfulness of our character strengths, virtues, and achievements.
POLARIZED THINKING. One of the symptoms of SAD is our compulsion to overanalyze our performance in a situation, tormented by our mistakes, our inept interaction, or our poor conversation skills. We preoccupy ourselves – often for days on end – with everything we think we did wrong, obsessing over what we should have done better. We tell ourselves unless a thing is done to perfection, it is not worth doing at all.
Perfectionism is not just the desire to do well; it is the need to be infallible. If we can’t be perfect, there is little point in bothering. Perfectionism exacerbates our social anxiety. We worry about appearing vacuous or inadequate, fearing exposure to our imperfections.
In Polarized Thinking, we see things as absolute – black or white. There is no middle ground, no compromise. We are either brilliant or abject failures. Our friends are for us or against us. We do not allow room for balanced perspectives or outcomes. We refuse to give people the benefit of the doubt. Worse than our anxiety about criticism is our self-judgment. If we are not flawless and masterful, we must be broken and inept. There is no room for mistakes or mediocrity, “I failed my last exam; I fail at everything I try. I’m a loser.”
Like Filtering, Polarized Thinking is selective. To remedy our dichotomous perspective, we identify the anxiety-provoking situation and examine our corresponding fears and automatic negative thoughts (ANTs). From there, we analyze their inaccuracy and initiate rational responses.
It is important to consider the holism and multiple perspectives of life’s events and replace the myopia of Filtering and the rigidity of Polarized Thinking with the kaleidoscope of viewpoints, interpretations, and possibilities.
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