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“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Social anxiety disorder is ostensibly the most underrated, misunderstood, and misdiagnosed disorder. It sustains itself by compelling irrational thoughts and behaviors. Emotionally, we feel depressed and lonely. Physically, we are subject to trembling, hyperventilation, nausea, fainting, and muscle spasms. Mentally, our thoughts are distorted and illogical. Spiritually, we define ourselves as incompetent, inadequate, and unworthy. Since SAD infects during adolescence, many of us have endured the distress of these negative self-perceptions for decades. Estimates reflect that roughly 60% of us also have depression and are prone to substance abuse.
A comprehensive recovery program has three primary goals: to (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) producerapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) regenerate our self-esteem. The success of each activity requires a transformation – a rigorous and dramatic change in form and nature. Through proactive neuroplasticity, our neural network changes its form and configuration. Thought and behavior self-modification subverts the destructive nature of our negative self-beliefs. Mindfulness of our character strengths, virtues, and attributes regenerates our self-esteem. Our form and nature have changed.
The difference between pre-recovery and post-recovery in a SAD individual is immeasurable.The metamorphosis of our form and nature is evidence of the power of transformation. We are not the same entity. Mindfulness of our assets compels us to recognize and embrace the extraordinariness of our lives, self-confirming we are of value, desirable, and consequential.
While we remain governed by our social anxiety disorder, we view ourselves as helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. These are the commonly accepted attributions of our malfunction. As we regenerate our self-esteem, we become less helpless and hopeless, but still feel undesirable and worthless. There is joylessness in self-satisfaction for its own sake. As intelligent, social beings, we are driven to share our resources. We are so overwhelmed and appreciative of our renewed self-awareness, we feel compelled to pay it forward.
Self-appreciation is the inherent byproduct of healthy self-esteem.
In pre-recovery, we remain overwhelmed by our negative core and intermediate beliefs. By recognizing and rationally responding to their absurdity, we eliminate those false abstractions. We remove ourselves from the target, turn outwards, and expand our vision. Our broadened scope minimizes our SAD-indeed self-centeredness and isolation to embrace the largeness of others as they participate in society.
There is no cure for social anxiety disorder; there is dramatic moderation of its symptoms. Recovery does not eradicate our past, our memories, or experiences. It heightens them with a new perspective. Candid self-awareness is a fundamental component of self-esteem. If we cannot comprehend ourselves, warts and all, we cannot fully understand another.
In recovery, we do not face our fears, we embrace them. Rather than confront them, which implies hostility, or challenge them, which signals competition, we willingly and enthusiastically recognize and accept all facets of our humanness. Whether in pre-recovery where our fears and anxieties run rampant or post-recovery where we have established governance, our experiences are part of our being – who we were, who we are, and who we have the potential to be. Embracing them encourages transformation. The act is not acquiescence, resignation, or condoning. Acquiescence is accepting our condition and doing nothing to change it. Condoning is accepting it and allowing it to fester. Resignation is defeatism. Embracing is accepting ourselves for who we are — a dysfunctional human being abounding in ability and potential. We embrace our totality.
Post-recovery, we are no longer hopeless but confident and optimistic, appreciating possibility instead of inconceivability. We have subverted our core sense of helplessness by reanimating our self-reliance and resilience. We are desirable because we have become beneficial to others. Recovery has rediscovered our value and significance.
This awareness manifests in a sensitivity to the needs and experiences of others. By evicting our negatively valenced emotions of fear, shame, and guilt, we make room for new possibilities unencumbered by the past. This opens us to new relationships and commitments. Recognizing and accepting our strengths as well as vulnerabilities produces a more nuanced and compassionate perspective. We no longer see life through the glass darkly. Our emergence from the cave displays the world as it is, and generates what Dr. King called the fierce urgency of now, which we embrace with a vivid sense of participation.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
Coping mechanisms are tools and techniques that we utilize to moderate stress and reduce the neurotransmissions of our fear and anxiety-provoking hormones, cortisol and adrenaline. There are recovery coping mechanisms we employ when exposing ourselves to a feared situation, including distractions, and projected positive outcomes. There are those we turn to when confronted by sudden unexpected stress – controlled breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and slow talk. There are hundreds of coping mechanisms that make stressful situations in life easier to handle, including yoga, dancing, meditation, painting, writing, and streaming a movie. These activities moderate the anxiety of the moment and reduce the flow of those pesky chemical hormones. Coping mechanisms are as varied as individual experience and imagination.
Unhealthy or negative coping mechanisms are called defense mechanisms – temporary safeguards against situations we find difficult to manage. Defense mechanisms are mostly unconscious psychological responses that protect us from our fears and anxieties. At one time or another, we all use defense mechanisms.
It is important to remain mindful that coping and defense mechanisms do not address the unresolved issues of our fears and anxieties. They are temporary ways to moderate stress and the influx of cortisol and adrenaline. Like an analgesic to relieve the pain of a physical condition, they do not address the cause and remedy of the ailment. Notwithstanding, even a temporary emotional balm has a positive impact on our emotional well-being and helps regenerate our self-esteem.
Any unconscious mental process that protects us from threats to our emotional well-being and sense of self is a defense mechanism. Cognitive distortions are defense mechanisms. Some, like avoidance, humor, isolation, and intellectualization need no explanation. Other defense mechanisms have positive benefits as well when used appropriately. They become tools in our recovery.
Compensation is one example: We compensate for our negative thoughts and behaviors by replacing them with healthy, productive ones. We compensate for our low self-esteem by becoming mindful of our character strengths, virtues, and achievements.
Ritual and undoing is subjectively undoing negative behaviors or impulses by performing rituals or actions designed to offset them. For example, a person might donate to a homeless shelter to make up for evicting low-income tenants to build a condominium. Substance abuse is a common but extreme example of ritual and undoing.
Utilized appropriately, ritual and undoing is a valuable coping mechanism. It supports negative to positive neural restructuring (ritual) by replacing (undoing) our negative thoughts and behaviors with positive ones.
Most defense mechanisms can be converted to coping mechanisms once we begin to recognize them when they materialize. This allows us to respond rationally, adapting them to support healthy behaviors. Projection and rationalization are two examples of this adaptation. Rationalizing to justify bad behavior is a defense mechanism that, when utilized to logically respond to our SAD-provoked fears, becomes a coping mechanism. Projecting our irrational behaviors onto others is a good way to observe ourselves as others see us. Some, like cognitive distortions, are generally detrimental to our emotional integrity and less adaptable to positive reconstruction. Dissociation, on the other hand, is a prime example of a defense mechanism that is useful in recovery.
In standard psychological terms, dissociation is a disconnect from reality to shield us from traumatic experiences. In theory, our mind unconsciously shuts down or represses emotionally conflicting thoughts, memories, or experiences. Daydreaming or streaming television to block discord in the next room is a harmless form of dissociation. Creating multiple personalities (DID) is at the other end of the spectrum.
In recovery, we deliberately dissociate ourselves from the symptoms of our social anxiety disorder. We redefine ourselves by our character strengths, virtues, and attributes rather than by the adversities of our malfunction. Essentially, we subvert the disease model of mental health by adopting the wellness model. The disease or pathographic perspective focuses on the problem; the wellness or positive psychology model emphasizes the solution,defining health as a state of physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity. To iterate the oft-used analogy: when we break out leg, we do not become the injured limb. We are simply someone experiencing a broken leg. The same concept is important to recovery from our emotional malfunction.
While we remain conjoined with our social anxiety disorder, we continue to view ourselves as helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless. These core and intermediate beliefs are formed by childhood disturbance and sustained by our emotional malfunction. By dissociating ourselves from our condition, we remove ourselves from the bullseye allowing us to objectively analyze our thoughts or behaviors, and respond rationally and productively.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid Málaga)
“It is not ‘forgive and forget,’ as if nothing wrong had ever happened, but ‘forgive and go forward,’ building on the past mistakes and the energy generated by reconciliation to create a new future.” – Alan Paton
We retain an abundance of destructive information, formed by our core and intermediate beliefs – toxic neural input seemingly impervious to uprooting due to its resistant or repressive nature. A lot of this information stems from the unresolved debris of our negatively valenced emotions.
Valenced is a psychological term used to characterize and categorize specific emotions that influence how we approach our daily lives. Negatively valenced emotions like shame, guilt, and resentment adversely impact our thoughts, behaviors, and relationships. When left unresolved, they permeate our neural network with negative energy and obstruct the process of recovery.
There is credence to the cliché that by withholding forgiveness, we allow the transgressor to occupy valuable space in our brain. The design of recovery and self-empowerment is to (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) producerapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network,and (3) regenerate our self-esteem. These objectives are inhibited by our negatively valenced emotions.
We fail to challenge these emotions because they sustain us. We justify them, savor them, or wear them like a hair shirt. Not knowing any better, our neural network is accustomed to this negativity and continuously transmits the chemical hormones and other physiological benefits that sustain and give us pleasure. We are so inundated from childhood with the concept of forgiveness, we tend to disregard its power and significance.
Recovery requires restructuring our neural network by feeding it positive stimuli to counter the years of negativity. But our brains have less room for healthy input until we evict the bad tenants. Retaining the toxicity of our negatively valenced emotions aggravates our anxiety and depression, and compels behavioral obsessiveness, avoidance, and other personality shortfalls that impact our interconnectedness and self-esteem. The inability or unwillingness to forgive is foolish and self-defeating.
Recovery requires letting go of our negative self-perspectives, expectations, and beliefs – opening our minds to new ideas and concepts. We remain imprisoned in the past when we hold onto shame, guilt, and other hostile self-indulgences. Forgiving opens us to new possibilities unencumbered by prior acts.
There are three types of transgressions important to us: (1) those inflicted on us by others, (2) those we inflict on others, and (3) those we inflict on ourselves. We are both victims and abusers. We are victimized by the transgression against us, and we abuse ourselves with our resentment and hate. When we transgress, we abuse the other, and our guilt and shame for the act victimize us. Self-transgression is both self-abuse and victimization.
(1) Forgiving those who have harmed us. We often hold onto anger and resentment because we convince ourselves it impacts those who harmed us. The irony is the likelihood that they are (a) unaware or have forgotten they injured us, or take no responsibility for it. The only person affected is us, the injured party. As Buddha purportedly said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; we are the one who gets burned.”
The act of forgiving resolves our animus and restores us to equal footing by eliminating the other’s influence. The innate drive for vengeance can be formidable, as our baser instinct cries out for retribution. Forgiving removes any desire for retaliation; it rids us of our vindictiveness.
I vividly recall a recovery group member who refused to entertain any prospect of absolving his parents. “If you knew what they’ve done to me you wouldn’t ask me to forgive them.” His adamancy was formidable. Despite his awareness of the personal negative ramifications, he denies himself the opportunity to remedy it, much like a cancer victim refusing chemotherapy.
(2) Forgiving ourselves for harming another is accepting and releasing the guilt and shame of our actions. It’s important to recognize that transgression against another subjectively affects us more severely than the person we harmed. We feel guilt for harming them, and shame for being the type of person who would cause harm. These self-destructive emotions can only be resolved by accepting responsibility, making direct or substitutional amends, and forgiving ourselves.
(3) Forgiving ourselves for harming ourselves. Transgression against the self is particularly cataclysmic. It is telling ourselves we are deserving of abuse. Self-pity, self-contempt, and other hyphenated forms of self-abuse condemn us and devalue our self-esteem. Forgiving ourselves is challenging for those of us with social anxiety because our self-abasement is underscored by our negative core and intermediate beliefs.
It is important to recognize that forgiveness is not forgetting or condoning. Forgiving does not excuse the transgressor or transgression; it takes their power away. Our noble self forgives; our pragmatic self remembers and remains mindful of the circumstance.
Negatively valenced emotions have their usefulness. They can be revealing and cathartic, motivating emotional and spiritual growth and broadening self-awareness. Notwithstanding, resolution is important to mitigate their toxic neural residue.
Forgiving expels negativity. We cannot hope to function optimally without absolving both ourselves and others whose actions negatively impacted our well-being. Our actions and those of others may seem indefensible, but forgiving is subjective – for our own well-being. Holding ourselves or others accountable for harmful behavior is a justifiable response. Holding onto corresponding anger and resentment is self-destructive. We forgive to promote change within ourselves and, as the architects of forgiveness, we reap the rewards.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” – William Shakespeare
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)
There is appreciable ambiguity when it comes to distinguishing self-esteem from self-appreciation. Ask a colleague to define them and their response will be as heterogeneous as human experience. Let me identify self-esteem and self-appreciation as they apply to recovery and self-empowerment because they are consequential to our emotional well-being and quality of life.
Self-esteem is mindfulness of our qualities and character as well as our defects. It is how we think about ourselves, how we think others think about us, and how we process that information. Healthy self-esteem tells us we are of value, consequential, and desirable. The inherent byproduct of healthy self-esteem is self-appreciation. It is self-esteem paid forward. The consolidation of our self-regard and the recognition of what we have to offer drives us to share it with others. Self-appreciation is the natural evolution of self-esteem.
Self-appreciation is the inherent byproduct of healthy self-esteem and its properties. It is self-esteem paid forward. The consolidation of our self-regard and the recognition of what we have to offer drives us to share it with others. Self-appreciation is the natural evolution of self-esteem.
Cumulative evidence that a toxic childhood is a primary causal factor in lifetime emotional instability has been well-established. This could be the result of minor childhood disturbance or issues of neglect, abuse, or exploitation. It could be hereditary, environmental, or the result of trauma. It could be real or imagined, intentional or accidental. Whatever its cause, it is our psychological development that takes the hit.
Because of this disruption, we tend to undervalue or repress our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements. Recovery and self-empowerment compel us to recognize and celebrate these assets. Our SAD-symptomatic resistance and repression of healthy memories and emotions negatively impact our sense of self-worth and significance. Mindfulness of our assets, milestones, and achievements encourages us to recognize and embrace the extraordinariness of our lives, confirming we are of value, desirable, and consequential.
Recovery and self-empowerment have three objectives: to (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) producerapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network and, (3) regenerate our self-esteem through the integration of approaches designed to help us become mindful of our inherent and acquired strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements.
Our social anxiety was constructed by our core and intermediate beliefs and subsists on our negative attitudes, rules, and assumptions. To maintain its governance it compels us to subvert our abilities and potential by concealing them in the recesses of our minds – forgotten, disputed, and undervalued. Fortunately, our properties of self-esteem are not obliterated, but latent and dormant due to the disruption in our psychological development.Underutilized self-properties that atrophy like the unexercised muscle in our arm or leg can be regenerated.
The obstructed and repressed properties of our self-esteem are retrievable, The circuits or neural pathways connecting our hippocampus, prefrontal cortex, basolateral amygdala, and other cognitive processes continuously restructure – activated and reactivated by our needs and deliberations.
Our lacuna of self-esteem generated feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness. As we regenerate our self-esteem, we become less helpless and hopeless, but we still feel undesirable and worthless until and unless we share our assets with others. There is joylessness in self-satisfaction for its own sake. Our regenerated self-esteem is only the beginning of our reconnection to the world.
This is where proactive and active neuroplasticity come into play.
Neuroplasticity is scientific evidence of our brain’s constant adaptation to information. Human neuroplasticity happens in three forms. Reactive neuroplasticity is our brain’s natural response to things over which we have limited to no control – stimuli we absorb but do not initiate or focus on. A car alarm, lightning, the smell of baked goods. Our neural network automatically restructures itself to what happens around us.
Active neuroplasticityhappens through intentional pursuits like engaging in social interaction, creating, yoga, and journaling. We control active neuroplasticity by consciously choosing the activity. A significant component of active neuroplasticity is our altruistic and compassionate social behavior – teaching, volunteering, caregiving.
Proactive neuroplasticity is rapid, concentrated, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network from toxic to positive. This is best consummated by DRNI – the deliberate, repetitive neural input of information.
Both proactive and active neuroplasticity assist in the positive transformation of our thoughts and behaviors. Proactive neuroplasticity is centered in our left-brain hemisphere – the analytical part responsible for introspection and rational thinking. Reactive neuroplasticity is right hemisphere activity – intuition, emotions, and imagination. Proactive neuroplasticity taps into the mental and the rational as we consolidate our self-esteem. Active neuroplasticity connects with altruism and social interconnectivity – elements of self-appreciation.
Proactive and active neuroplasticity work in concert as do self-esteem and self-appreciation, each supporting and expanding the other. Proactive neuroplasticity is self-oriented; active neuroplasticity is other-oriented. They are the gestalt of our humanness. The whole is greater than the sum of its parts. Our activities engage both hemispheres simultaneously. We create information to facilitate DRNI. We evaluate our fears and anxieties.
Proactive neuroplasticity is the most effective means of unlearning the irrational thoughts that annihilate our quality of life. What is significant is our ability to accelerate and consolidate the process by compelling our brain to re-pattern its neural circuitry. Through proactive neuroplasticity, we consciously and deliberately inform our neural network to replace decades of negative self-beliefs, creating healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities. We compel change rather than reacting and responding to it.
Active neuroplasticity supports our social interconnectedness. Beyond healthy activities like jogging, crafting, and listening to music is our ethical and compassionate social behavior. Altruistic contributions to society are extraordinary assets to neural restructuring. The value of volunteering – providing support, empathy, and concern for those in need, random acts of kindness – is extraordinary, not only in promoting positive behavioral change but in the mindfulness of our value and significance to others.
We are in charge of our emotional well-being and quality of life. We are responsible for the regeneration of our self-esteem. We become mindful of our value and significance. We pay it forward. Self-esteem is the catalyst for self-appreciation. We take care of ourselves to take care of others. In reciprocation, self-appreciation consolidates self-esteem. There is cause and effect, however. Self-appreciation does not flourish without self-esteem. The seed must germinate to flower. We cannot share what we don’t possess.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
The need for human interconnectedness is at the heart of all emotional malfunction, but especially social anxiety disorder because of its symptomatic fears and avoidance of personal commitment. Our innate desire for friendship and intimacy is no less dynamic than that of any individual, but our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and image disrupt our ability to establish, develop, or maintain human relationships in almost any capacity. The spirit is willing, but competence is insubstantial. We crave companionship but our perceptions of undesirability and incompetence impede our efforts. Our low self-esteem and high self-criticism keep us from new possibilities. Our expectation of criticism and ridicule compels us to avoid social situations. Our fear of rejection results in isolation and loneliness.
Human interconnectedness is a complex system with broad emotional implications. Relationships come in sundry forms including collegial, family, intimate, and platonic. To effectively challenge our patterns of thought and behavior, we need to understand the different types of relationships to evaluate our inability or unwillingness to engage.
SAD is a consequence of childhood disturbance – a broad and generic term for anything that interferes with our optimal physical, cognitive, emotional, or social development. Instability and insecurity originate in a toxic childhood. The disturbance may be major or minor, accidental or intentional, real or perceptual. (The imaginings of a child are legendary.) SAD and other emotional malfunctions sense our vulnerability and onset in adolescence. This fuels our core and intermediate beliefs with a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness.
Natural human development is sustained by satisfying fundamental needs. Childhood core perceptions of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation negatively impact the satisfaction of basic biological and physiological needs. Subsequently, safety and security are impacted, as well as our innate desire to belong and be loved.
Physical, sexual, or emotional disturbance can negatively impact our early sleep patterns and sexual health. A child will have difficulty learning if they are hungry. Absent reliable parenting, we are less likely to feel safe or secure. A sense of detachment or abandonment imperils our sense of safety and belonging.
Belongingness is a yearning for human interconnectivity. We are social beings, driven by a fundamental human need for social interaction and interpersonal exchange. The necessity for personal connection is hardwired into our brains. Healthy relationships are important influences on our mental and physical health. They are essential catalysts to our emotional well-being and quality of life. Research has shown that social contact boosts our immune system and protects our brain from neurodegenerative diseases.
Research informs us that persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Our symptomatic fears and anxieties aggravate this deficit. Our negative core and intermediate beliefs and image are directly implicated. Fortunately, our self-esteem is never lost, but latent and dormant. Underutilized positive self-properties that atrophy like the unexercised muscle in our arm or leg can be regenerated.
Why do we have problems with relationships, with human interconnectedness? Let’s review some of the symptoms of social anxiety disorder.
Fear of situations in which we may be judged negatively.
Worry about embarrassing or humiliating ourselves.
Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
Fear that others will notice we look anxious.
Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling, or having a shaky voice.
Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment.
Anxiety in anticipation of a feared situation.
Intense fear or anxiety during social situations.
Harsh self-analysis of our performance and identification of flaws in our interactions after a social situation.
The expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation.
All these elements factor into our difficulties with relationships and impact our ability to communicate effectively. The lower our level of self-esteem, the less responsive we are to the needs and concerns of others. We cannot share what we do not possess.
Human interconnectivity is facilitated by communication. Words have enormous power; they are a source of compassion, understanding, and intimacy. Sixty percent of communication is represented by our body language. Until we hone our listening skills, however, words and body language may be insufficient. Healthy human interconnectivity is facilitated by compassion. That is evidenced by defining the various levels of listening and communication.
Because SAD persons are symptomatically self-obsessed, our fundamental means of communication is ignoring listening. The concerns and interests of the other are subverted by our insecurity. When we interact, the severity of our anxiety makes impedes our ability to focus on anything but our personal inadequacies.
An essential part of recovery is exposing ourselves to our feared situations. This happens only after we have learned to identify and rationally respond to our automatic negative thoughts and behaviors. Early exposure often results in counterfeit listening, which is a step up from ignoring but still unsubstantial. We ingratiate ourselves into conversations without contributing to them. We are unable to muster interest in or awareness of the needs or concerns of the other. Instead, we mirror them to be accepted.
As we progress in recovery, we begin to engage in selective listening. We hear what we want to hear. We’re less interested in what the other has to say than we are in making a good impression. Afraid of appearing ignorant or boring, we only show interest in things that allow us to display our astuteness. We wait for topics to which we can personally relate, ignoring anything that doesn’t have the potential to make us appear viable. We’re not yet communicating well, but we are participating. Our skills are improving.
Our extensive work in recovery leads us to attentive communication. We are now making diligent attempts to consider the concerns of others. Our communication skills are becoming more responsive to their needs, interests, and desires. Attentive communication is authentic interconnectivity – relationships of shared experience and personal disclosure.
There is an even more desirable form of interconnectivity, that of empathy. Empathetic communication is selfless interconnectivity that allows us to move beyond our beliefs and experiences and feel how the other feels as we participate in their presence. We seek first to understand rather than be understood.
Empathy is not sympathy. In the latter, we feel for someone; when we empathize, we experience someone. This opens the self to a novel participation, a being with and within the other. Empathy is generated through robust interconnectivity; it is an interactive and heightened method of communication that involves the verbal, the physical (sounds and gestures), and the intuitive (moods, and attitudes). Empathetic interaction is the most responsive and conscientious form of human interconnectivity.
Type of Relationship
To change our patterns of thought and behavior, we examine relationships by category to better evaluate the symptomatic causes and methods of resolution. The first step in learning how to establish, develop, or maintain relationships is to identify the type of personal affiliation. Each has its own components and is approached differently. The classic Greeks differentiated relationships by type, e.g., platonic, practical, sexual, and so on. This writing addresses seven primary types of relationships – eight if we consider the two forms of philautia: narcissism and self-esteem.
Friendship. Aristotle called philia one of the most indispensable requirements of life. A healthy camaraderie is a bonding of mutual experiences and personal disclosure. A core symptom of SAD is the fear of revealing something that will make us appear stupid, inferior, or undesirable. Even the anticipation of personal exposure can induce physical and emotional anxiety. We avoid committing to friendships out of our fear of being found wanting.
Sexually Intimate. Eros is reciprocal feelings of shared arousal between people physically attracted to each other, the fulfillment expressed by the sexual act. Our self-image of undesirability and unworthiness, coupled with fears of ridicule and rejection, challenges our ability to establish, develop, and maintain romantic relationships. Studies show that, due to our fears of intimacy and sexual incompetence, SAD persons experience less sexual satisfaction than non-anxious individuals.
Unconditional. Through the universal mandate to love thy neighbor, the concept of agape embraces unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. To love unequivocally, however, one must self-love in the same fashion. As earlier indicated, persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. One of the three major components of recovery is the regeneration of our self-esteem.
Family. The disruption in our natural human development due to childhood disturbance can fracture satisfaction of basic biological, physiological, and safety needs. It can generate core beliefs of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation. These are ostensibly caused by the family unit. As a result, storge or familial love and protection, vital to the healthy development of the family unit, is severely affected.
Playful or Provocative. Our conflict with the provocative playfulness of ludus is evident in our fears of criticism and rejection. We do not find social interaction pleasurable, anticipating anxiety and discomfort. Our negative self-perceptions generally manifest in awkward and inappropriate social behavior.
Pragmatic relationships are formed by mutual interests and goals securing a working and endurable partnership. They endure through rational thought and behavior – a balanced and constructive relationship. The pragmatic individual deals with relationships sensibly and realistically, conforming to typical standards of conduct. Our SAD-induced fears are irrational and cognitively distorted, and our overriding objective is to avoid situations that most people consider normal. SAD persons are anything but pragmatic and logical.
The spectrum of self-love. Loosely translated as love-of-self, one end of the spectrum is narcissism, and the other is self-esteem.
Narcissism is a psychological condition in which people, according to the Mayo Clinic, “have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.” It is the need for excessive attention, masking an unconscious sense of inferiority and inadequacy.
Its opposite is self-esteem – the wherewithal to appreciate our value and significance to self and society. Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite to loving others. By understanding and appreciating ourselves – our character strengths, virtues, and attributes as well as our defects, we open ourselves to sharing that authenticity with others.
Developing Healthy Interconnectivity
To address our inability to effectively establish, develop, and maintain relationships it is necessary to define the problem – the source and expression of the problem. This is facilitated by personal introspection, memory work, journaling, role-playing, and other tools and techniques that help us rationally respond to the negative self-beliefs that generated our lacuna of self-esteem. Outside of a comprehensive recovery program, there are some steps we can initiate on our own to change our patterns of thought and behavior. We:
Identify the type of relationship we are having difficulty establishing, developing, or maintaining. It may be collegial (work), sexual, family, pragmatic (networking), social, short- or long-term, and so on. Each one is approached differently in recovery and resolution.
Unmask our fears. What is problematic for us in the relationship? How do we feel (physically, intellectually, emotionally)? What are our specific concerns or worries? Are we afraid of rejection? Are we worried we will say or do something stupid? Are we concerned we will be criticized or ridiculed?
Identity our corresponding ANT(s). Automatic negative thoughts are our immediate, involuntary, emotional expressions of our fears. They are the self-defeating things we tell ourselves. “No one will talk to me.” I’ll say something stupid.” “I’m a loser.” She’ll reject me?” He’ll find me undesirable.”
Examine and analyze our fear(s) and corresponding ANTs. What are the causes, thoughts, and images that precipitate and provoke them? It is these fundamental self-beliefs that impact our relationships.
Generate Rational Responses. Our fears and ANTs are irrational. Once we have examined and analyzed them, and become mindful of their false assumptions, we devise rational responses to counter them.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT ESSENTIAL? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
The goal of recovery from social anxiety is the moderation of our irrational fears and anxieties. To attain that, we focus on three objectives: we (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones (2) producerapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) regenerate our self-esteem using methods targeted toward our individual personality.
The definition of recovery is regainingpossession or control of something stolen or lost. Self-empowerment ismaking a conscious decision to become more confident and competent in controlling our lives. In emotional malfunction, what has been stolen or lost is our emotional well-being and quality of life. In self-empowerment, it is the loss of self-esteem and motivation. So, both recovery and self-empowerment deal with regaining or rebuilding what has been lost.
Restructure, Replace, and Regenerate are complementary objectives.
Restructure. All information notifies our neural network to realign, generating a correlated change in behavior and perspective. Our deliberate, repetitive, neural input of information that constitutes proactive neuroplasticity compels our brain to consolidate and accelerate the restructuring of our neural circuitry.
Replace. To counteract our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and images, we identify our maladaptive patterns of thinking, emotional response, or behavior and replace them with healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities.
Regenerate. Through mindfulness (recognition and acceptance) of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements, weregenerate the dormant and latent properties of our self-esteem disrupted by childhood disturbance and the onset of our emotional malfunction.
Complementarity
Complementarityisa state or system of corresponding componentscombining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize the qualities of each other. We are concerned here with two systems: the complementarity of psychological and scientific approaches to recovery and the simultaneous mutual interaction of our mind, body, spirit, and emotions to support them.
Complementarity is further defined as the inherent cooperation of our human system components in maintaining physiological equilibrium. That collaboration is essential for the sustainability of life, our condition, and recovery from said condition.
Recovery and self-empowerment are individually expedited. Just as there is no one right way to do or experience learning and unlearning, so also what helps us at one time in our life may not help us at another. One-size-fits-all approaches to recovery and self-empowerment are exclusionary and inefficient.
We are best served by integrating approaches, developed through clinical study, client targeting, cultural assimilation, and therapeutic innovation. Our environment, heritage, experiences, and associations reflect our wants, choices, and aspirations. If they are not given consideration, then we are not valued. Recovery builds upon our strengths, virtues, and achievements. We do not triumph in battle through incompetence and weakness but with skill and careful planning.
Complementarity in Recovery and Self-Empowerment
A coalescence of science and east-west psychologies is essential to capture the diversity of human thought and experience. Science gives us proactive neuroplasticity; cognitive-behavioral modification and positive psychology’s optimal functioning are Western-oriented, and Eastern practices provide the therapeutic benefits of Abhidharma psychology and the overarching truths of ethical behavior. Crucial to recovery and self-empowerment are individually targeted approaches that focus on the regeneration of our self-esteem.
We focus on the individual over the diagnosis through personality-based solutions. Training in prosocial behavior and emotional literacy support typical interventions. Behavioral exercises are used to practice social skills. Emphasis on the positive aspects of the human condition over pathographic models compensates for malfunction-induced negative self-beliefs and images. Data provide evidence for mindfulness and acceptance-based interventions. Motivational enhancement strategies help clients overcome their resistance to new ideas and concepts. Evidence-based solutions address issues of self-esteem.
Complementary of Our Human Components
Gestalt psychology considers the human mind and behavior as a whole. Radical behaviorism not only considers observable behaviors but also the diversity of human thought and experience. That calls for a collaboration of science, philosophy, and psychology. Philosophy, existentially defined, welcomes religious and spiritual insight. Gestalt theory emphasizes that the whole of anything is greater than its parts. Our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are interconnected parts of the whole that cannot exist independently of the whole or the parts. Each component overlaps, influences, and is interdependent on the others, albeit one dominates until superseded by another. They collaborate in the holism of our personality as the gestalt of our humanness.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
One of the more identifiable characteristics of social anxiety disorder is our overriding sense of shame. This is in response to both internal and external attributions. Outside forces over which we have little to no control – public opinion, the media, stigma, and the pathographic health industry contribute significantly to our negative self-evaluation if we allow it. Since our early behaviors are not a factor, nor are we accountable for SAD’s adolescent onset, it is unreasonable to feel shame for the origins of our condition – yet we continue to do so. This is because our symptoms reflect incompetency and inadequacy. SAD tells us we are helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless so, what is the point? The shame we feel is not so much for having social anxiety but for our unwillingness or perceived inability to challenge it.
This is the thing. While we are not accountable for the hand we have been dealt, we are responsible for how we play the cards we have been given. Shame is controllable. We have the means and the wherewithal. Holding onto shame is irrational. What is irrational? Self-harm is irrational.
Shame is painful and incapacitating. It is the stomach-churning feeling of humiliation and distress from knowing we are not in control of our emotional well-being – and yet we should be. Shame adversely impacts our psychological and physiological health, further eroding our negative self-image and our self-respect. Self-recrimination for not managing our life is far more destructive than the symptoms of our condition. The shame of self-disappointment – that felt moral emptiness that pervades when we abandon our inherent ability and potential – is soul-crushing. And it is unnecessary.
Holding onto shame is not only irrational; it is reckless. The three objectives of recovery are (1) To replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) to produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) to regenerate our self-esteem. Unresolved shame counters and impedes these objectives. Rather than moderating our fears and anxieties, it exacerbates them. When we feel shame, we want to hide, to become invisible. Shame compounds our anxiety and depression, causing us to withdraw from the world and avoid human connectedness. We feel powerless, acutely diminished, and worthless. Yet these are the symptoms we want to resolve!
In many instances, shame can be revealing, cathartic, and motivational, promoting emotional growth and broadened self-awareness. But the shame of knowing we have the capacity to recover from that which has made our lives unbearable yet refuse to take advantage of it – that is untenable. In the memorable words of John Greenleaf Whittier, “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.”
Adding insult to injury, the shame of denying ourselves our inherent ability and potential leads to self-blaming. Especially pervasive in social anxiety disorder, self-blaming is an extremely toxic form of emotional self-abuse. We blame ourselves for our shortcomings. We blame ourselves for our lack of commitment or, when we commit, for not following through. We blame ourselves for our inability to achieve our goals and objectives.
Recovery and self-empowerment require letting go of our negative self-perspectives, expectations, and beliefs, and opening our minds to new ideas and concepts. When we hold onto shame, we remain imprisoned by our recklessness and immobility.
The good news is it is not difficult to relieve ourselves of shame. We simply commit ourselves to recovery.
I invite anyone desiring to probe deeper into the origins and consequences of shame to access the extensive writings of Claude-Hélène Mayer and Elisabeth Vanderheiden including The Bright Side of Shame (2019) and Shame 4.0 (2021) (Springer Nature).
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional dysfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
“Visualize this thing that you want. See it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blueprint, and begin to build.” – Robert Collier
There are multiple coping strategies utilized to alleviate stress including problem-focused, emotion-focused, social, and meaning-focused. They can be adaptive or unhealthy depending upon how they are utilized. We emphasize response-focused and solution-focused strategies for our purposes, but all options are considered and incorporated into a comprehensive recovery program.
The emotion-focused coping strategy focuses on reducing the emotions associated with a stressor while avoiding addressing the problem. Our recovery program emphasizes identifying the situation, associated fears, and corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts).
The problem-focused coping strategy uses the same tools and techniques as our solution-focused strategy. The difference is important, however. The disease model of mental health is pathographic or problem-focused, whereas the wellness model focuses on our character strengths, virtues, and attributes. Recovery is a here-and-now response, The past is immutable. We emphasize the solution over the problem.
Meaning-focused coping strategies entail rationalizing or delegating responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors to a moral or religious code or influence. Our recovery program emphasizes personal responsibility, self-reliance, and self-determination.
4. Social coping strategies are counterproductive to recovery from social anxiety which symptomatically resists social connectivity and finds healthy relationships problematic. They are useful, however, when one has regenerated their self-esteem to a level where they are comfortable in social situations. Avoidance-focused coping strategies are also counterproductive to the recovery of someone whose symptomatic modus operandi is avoidance of stressful situations.
To counter the emotional undercurrent of our situational fears and ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), we learn to respond rationally and intelligently. That is the response-focused element of a recovery program. The solution-based strategy, often neglected in recovery programs, puts theoretical recovery tools and techniques into actual practice. While it is necessary to know the enemy and know ourselves, the origins of our emotional instability are irrelevant. The focus of recovery is resolving or modifying our extant behaviors.
An essential component to moderating our situational fears and anxieties is devising a Feared Situations Plan that we practice in non-threatening workshop environments before exposing ourselves to the actual situation. Incorporated into that plan are coping mechanisms crafted for the specific situation.
There are two types of situations: anticipated and recurring situations and unexpected ones. Planning for the latter is inherently unsystematic. We have assembled an emergency preparedness kit. The Feared Situations Plan is structured around those situations where we generally know what to expect. Both kit and plan utilize similar coping mechanisms.
The focus of this writing is designing a Feared Situations Plan for an anticipated situation that will become a template for similar types of situations.
Let me restate the structure and components of a Plan for Feared Situations.
1. Identify the Feared Situation – the place or circumstance that provokes our fears and anxieties.
2. Unmask the Associated Fear(s) we anticipate will manifest during the Feared Situation
3. Unmake the Corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) – ourimmediate, involuntary, emotional expressions of our Fears.
4. Examine and Analyze our Situational Fear(s) and ANTs. These actions are implemented by various approaches including cognitive-behavioral self-modification, and positive psychology.
5. Generate Rational Responses by deconstructing our Situational Fears and ANTs.
6. Reconstruct our Patterns of Thought and Behavior. Through proactive neuroplasticity and other approaches, we replace or overwhelm our toxic thoughts and behaviors with healthy productive ones.
7. Design our Feared Situation Plan to include:
A. SUDS Rating. The Subjective Units of Distress Scale is a numbered, self-evaluation scale (1-100) that subjectively measures the severity of our Fears and the intensity of distress we feel about a Situation.
B. Purpose. The primary motivation(s) behind our exposure to a situation. What do we seek to accomplish?
C. Persona. The social face we present to the Situation, designed to make a positive impression while concealing our social anxiety.
D. Character Focus. Personal character strengths we emphasize to support our Persona.
E. Distractions. Predetermined sensory objects to rechannel our stress during our Feared Situation.
F. Diversions: Predetermined mental activities to rechannel our stress during our Feared Situation.
G. Projected Positive Outcome. Reasonable expectations we set toensure a positive outcome to our Feared Situation.
H. Projected SUDS Rating. Our predetermined, reasonable projection of the severity of our Fears and the intensity of distress at the conclusion of our Situation.
I. Strategy. Ourpredeterminedoutline or scenario of our Plan incorporating lines A. – H.
8. Practice the Plan in Non-Threatening Simulated Situations. We consolidate the effectiveness of our Feared Situations Plan in practiced exercises including role play and other workshop activities. Affirmative Visualization is a valuable scientific asset.
9. Expose Ourselves to the Feared Situation. We implement our plan in a real-life situation. Thistranspires after significant graded exposure to facilitate the reconstruction of our neural network and establish comfort and familiarity with the prescribed tools and techniques.
Jeanine P.
Jeanine is a workshop graduate. She created a Feared Situation Plan to prepare her for a 3-day, work-related, out-of-town conference. Jeanine had recently been promoted, in her mid-thirties, to a major accounts managerial position in telecommunications. Jeanine’s social anxiety was severe when it came to associating with her peers. The upcoming conference included the other managers throughout the country – a male-dominated, competitive, and experienced group of about thirty colleagues.
1. Feared Situation
Attending an out-of-town company conference.
2. Associated Fears
1. I am new and inexperienced. 2. My participation will be criticized. 3. My peers will ridicule my shortcomings
3. Corresponding ANTs
1. I will be judged negatively. 2. They will criticize my competency. 3. I will be ignored.
4. Examine and Analyze
Associated Fears and Corresponding ANTs
5. Rational Responses
1. I belong here as much as anyone. 2. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t qualified. 3. I am valuable and significant.
6. Design Plan
Design Plan
a. SUDS Rating
75/100
b. Purpose
To demonstrate my competence and abilities.
c. Persona
I will dress professionally in moderate-size heels. I will exude warmth and confidence – think Meryl Street at the Oscars. I will slow talk quietly and with calm deliberation. I am a very qualified professional.
d. Character Focus
1. I will emphasize my dependability – someone who will be supportive of others and who keeps to their commitments – a trustworthy asset to the entire group. 2. My resourcefulness will incentivize creative ways to demonstrate my viability and capabilities.
e. Distractions
1. 2. Internally create stories about the individuals in the room. 2. Look directly at the nose of the person I am engaging.
f. Diversions
1. Take extensive notes to prepare astute and relevant questions. 2.
g. Projected Positive Outcome
General recognition by my peers of my value and qualifications.
h. Projected SUDS Rating
65/199
I. Strategy
See Below
8. Practice Plan
In non-threatening workshop settings. Visualize.
9. Expose Self
to Feared Situation.
Jeanine’s Feared Situations Plan
Strategy: By clearly articulating our strategy, we coalesce all the elements and coping mechanisms of our Plan into a gestalt. Gestalt theory emphasizes that the whole of anything is greater than its parts. It creates a mental scenario that helps us visualize the entirety of the situation.
Our strategy supports our three primary goals. (1) To replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) to produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) to regenerate the elements or self-properties of self-esteem.
Visualization is a cognitive tool that compels our neural network to realize all aspects of a projected outcome. Scientifically supported through studies and neuroscientific understanding, Affirmative Visualization is a form of graded exposure. Its systematic desensitization reduces our fears and anxieties about the actual situation. We envision thinking and behaving in a certain way and, through repetition, attain an authentic shift in our behavior and perspective.
Our brain provides the same neural restructuring when we visualize doing something or when we physically do it; the same regions of our brain are stimulated. Just as our neural network cannot distinguish between toxic and productive information, it also does not distinguish whether we are experiencing something or imagining it. Visualizing raising our left hand is, to our brain, the same thing as physically raising our left hand.
The more we visualize with a clear intent, the more focused we become and the higher the probability of achieving our objectives. Affirmative Visualization activates our dopaminergic-reward system, decreasing the neurotransmissions of anxiety and fear-provoking hormones, and accelerating and consolidating the beneficial ones. When we visualize, our brain generates alpha waves which, neuroscientists have discovered, can dramatically reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression.
This is Jeanine’s strategy.
“I admit, I’m apprehensive about the work conference in Dallas, but that’s to be expected. Everyone wants to make a good first impression. I will be dressed professionally and present myself with confidence and quiet strength. I will deliberate before asking or responding to questions (slow talk). I will emphasize my dependability and resourcefulness – someone who can be counted on and solve problems. I have four excellent coping mechanisms if I start to feel unwarranted stress. By the end of the three days, I anticipate not only will I have impressed the others with my pleasant and confident demeanor, but I will also be recognized for my value and qualifications. Reasonable expectations are that I will impress some, but not all of my cohorts – everyone has self-baggage. I will, however, be generally considered a deliberate, professional, and supportive colleague. I expect to exceed my Projected SUDS Rating, but it is a fair and moderate benchmark for my success.”
That is a winning strategy from a woman with severe social anxiety who had convinced herself she would be criticized and ostracized by her peers which negatively impacted her career with the company and her emotional well-being. The situation remained consistent; Jeannine had dramatically moderated her perspective of and response to the situation. She was no longer subdued by her fears but had taken control of the outcome. “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
It is important to recognize the sense of loss we experience when we moderate or replace our adverse thoughts and behaviors. Even though we compensate with healthy substitutions, we are impacted by the residual effects of subverted negativity as we process change.
Recovery and self-empowerment involve regaining what has been stolen or lost. In social anxiety, it is our emotional well-being and quality of life. In self-empowerment, it is our self-esteem and motivation. By regaining or regenerating these things, we lose their negative attributions. In loss there is gain, as in gain there is loss. We are hard-wired to resist change. We are physiologically structured to attack anything that disrupts our equilibrium. Experiencing loss produces physiological changes in our heart rate, metabolism, and respiration. Inertia senses and resists these changes, while our basal ganglia opposes any modification in our patterns of behavior. A key part of our neural network, the basil ganglia controls our body’s voluntary movements. It is also involved in processes like emotions, motivation, and habits, so we are psychologically impacted by change as well.
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We also know that our brain does not distinguish healthy from toxic information. Our neural network provides the same benefits to negative or positive input. It reciprocates the energy of that information in abundance, It activates the same long-term potentiation, provides the same BDNFproteins associated with improved cognitive functioning, and the same fifty or so chemical hormones that make us feel good. Modifying our behavior is not only challenging but we are impacted by its residual effects.
Loss impacts our sense of identity and compels us to reevaluate our attitudes, rules, and assumptions. It causes us to readjust our behaviors and make changes in our daily lives. It refocuses our cognitive efforts. These are all healthy modifications that consolidate neural restructuring and support recovery and self-empowerment.
Loss can also provoke confusion and depression, generate feelings of guilt, and cause us to withdraw from friends and activities. These common symptoms are due to the physiological and psychological impact of change. Mindfulness and preparedness effectively moderate any adverse reactions.
The Subjective Units of Distress Scale (SUDS) is a numbered, self-evaluation scale (1-100) that measures the intensity of distress we feel about a situation. SUDS has two purposes in recovery and self-empowerment. The first is to help us identify and evaluate the severity of our fears and corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts). It also helps us set reasonable expectations; By establishing a projected SUDSs Rating, we project how well we will moderate that distress utilizing our recovery tools and techniques. SUDS exercises are designed to generate a positive response to a potentially negative outcome.
The SAD-provoked negative self-beliefs and image that accompany our psychological trajectory leave an indelible imprint on our emotional development that cannot be fully eradicated. This contradicts any assertion that social anxiety disorder can be cured. By replacing or overwhelming these adverse thoughts and behaviors, we can dramatically moderate their impact. Reducing our SUDS from 85 to 25 is a formidable accomplishment. It is the difference between a tornado (which we equate to the devastating damage of social anxiety) and intermittent showers. Most days are sunny and the coping mechanisms we learn in recovery provide adequate protection when it rains.
It is human nature to feel the loss, physically and psychologically, of a behavioral attachment that has been part-and-parcel of our being for years. However, as the godfather of positive psychology Abraham Maslow assures us, “…the loss of illusions and the discovery of identity, though painful at first, can be ultimately exhilarating and strengthening.”
In effect, that which does not kill us makes us stronger. We experience loss when we replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones. Prudence dictates we anticipate and prepare for its impact.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.
“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)
<2> It’s Not Your Fault!
“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.” Part Deux – Sun Tzu, The Art of War
We have examined the multiple reasons we resist recovery. Public opinion, the media, pathology, stigma – even our families deter us from revealing our social anxiety. These external attributions to our resistance are the tip of the iceberg.
We contribute our baggage as well. We choose to remain ignorant of SAD’s destructive capabilities. We go to enormous lengths to remain oblivious to its symptoms as if, by ignoring them, they do not exist or will somehow go away.
Our inherent negative bias predisposes us to obsess over unhealthy experiences. Our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and image exacerbate our sense of inferiority and abnormality. We personalize our social anxiety, convinced we are the only ones who feel exploited.
Despite all evidence to the contrary, we continue to blame ourselves for our social anxiety disorder, a false assumption that generates shame and guilt.
These are only some of our internal attributions to resistance.
Cumulative evidence that a toxic childhood is a primary causal factor in emotional instability or insecurity has been well established. During the development of our core beliefs, we are subject to a childhood disturbance – a broad and generic term for anything that interferes with our optimal physical, cognitive, emotional, or social development. SAD senses our vulnerability and swoops in, negatively impacting our quality of life until we take strides to moderate its symptoms. Childhood disturbance is ubiquitous – it happens to all of us. What differentiates is how we react or respond to it. Having SAD does not make us unique or special. Roughly, one in four adults and adolescents experience social anxiety disorder.
We did not ask for or encourage SAD; it happened to us. When we research its origins, we uncover the likelihood no one is responsible. Certainly not he child. We are not accountable for onset. The onus is on us to do something about it. While not liable for the cards we have been dealt, we are responsible for how we play the hand we have been given.
The negative cycle we find ourselves in has convinced us that there is something wrong with us when the only thing we are doing is viewing ourselves and the world inaccurately. That is a natural response to our symptoms. SAD sustains itself by feeding us life-consistent irrational thoughts and behaviors.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
We are Not Alone
Roughly, 50 million adults and adolescents experience anxiety disorders. 60% of those have depression, and many fall prey to substance abuse. Anxiety and depression are the primary causes of the frightening increase in adolescent suicide over the last decade. Sexual and gender-based adolescents are almost five times more likely to attempt it.
We are Not Abnormal or Special
Neurosis is a condition that negatively impacts our quality of life but does not necessarily interfere with normal day-to-day functions. One-in-four individuals have diagnosable neurosis. According to experts, nearly two-thirds of those reject or refuse to disclose their condition. Include those who dispute or chose to remain oblivious to their malfunction and we can conclude that mental disorders are common, undiscriminating, and universal.
SAD is Not the Consequence of Our Behaviors
Combined statistics reveal that roughly 90% of neuroses onset at adolescence or earlier. Excepting conditions like PTSD or clinical narcissism that impact later in life, the susceptibility originates in childhood. Most psychologists agree that emotional malfunction is a consequence of childhood physical, emotional, or sexual disturbance. It could be hereditary, environmental, or the result of trauma. It could be real or imagined, intentional or accidental. Perhaps parents are controlling or do not provide emotional validation. Maybe we were subjected to bullying or from a broken home. Behaviors later in life may impact the severity but are not responsible for the neurosis itself. There is the likelihood that no one is responsible. While our behavior over our lifetime can impact the severity, the origins of the disorder happen in childhood. This disputes moral models that we are to blame for our disorder, or that it is God’s punishment for sin.
We are Not Mental
Not only is the description inaccurate, but it promotes hostile perceptions of incompetence and derangement. It is the dominant source of stigma, guilt, and self-loathing. The word mental defines a person or their behavior as extreme or illogical. In adolescence, anyone unpopular or different was a mentalcase or a retard. The urban dictionary defines mental as someone silly or stupid. It is often associated withviolent or divisive behavior.Add the word illness or disorder and we have the public stereotype of the dangerous and unpredictable individual who cannot fend for themselves and should be isolated. Emotional malfunction is not ‘mental,’ biologic, hygienic, neurochemical, or psychogenic, but all of these things.
To the early civilizations, mental illnesses were the domain of supernatural forces and demonic possession. Hippocrates and diagnosticians of the 19th century favored the humours (bodily liquids). Lunar influence, sorcery, and witchcraft are timeless culprits. In the early 20th century, it was somatogenic. The biological approach argues that disorder is due to our brain’s physical structure and functioning. The pharmacological approach promotes it as brain chemistry imbalance. The first Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (1952) leaned heavily on environmental and biological causes.
We are not mental but conditioned by the simultaneous mutual interaction of mind, body, spirit, and emotions. Social anxiety disorder is an emotional malfunction, and its symptoms can be dramatically moderated. If we choose to go that route.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
We are Not Hopeless, Helpless, Undesirable, or Worthless
Three of those anxiety self-designations originated with Aaron Beck, the pioneer of cognitive-behavioral therapy. The concept of undesirability revealed itself in my SAD recovery workshops. While we remain conjoined with our social anxiety disorder, we continue to be guided by these self-destructive beliefs.
Of course, we are not helpless unless we choose to be. Multiple resources are available to anyone with the motivation and commitment to recover.
We are not hopeless. Once we recognize the irrationality of our fears, we see them for what they are. SAD-provoking abstractions, powerless without our participation.
We are not undesirable. SAD compels us to view ourselves inaccurately. It reinforces or justifies our negative self-image, convincing us our assumptions are the truth of a situation instead of emotional interpretations.Our fears and anxieties manifest in how we think about ourselves, how we think others think about us, and how we process that information. Assuming we know what others think about us is illogical and narcissistic.
We are not worthless but integral and consequential to all things, the ultimate, dynamic, creative ground of being and doing. We are unique to every other entity; there is no one like us. We are the totality of our experiences, beliefs, perceptions, demands, and desires with individual DNA, fingerprints, and outer ears. There is and never has been a human being with our sensibilities, memories, motivations, and dreams.
If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles.
Yet, we continue to beat ourselves up for our perceptual inadequacies. We blame ourselves for our defects as if they are the pervading forces of our true being, rather than symptoms of our malfunction. We are not defined by our social anxiety disorder. We are defined by our character strengths, virtues, and achievements. When we break our leg do we become that injured limb or are we simply an Individual with a broken leg?
To moderate our social anxiety, we identify the situations that provoke them. Further self-examination unpacks the associated fears and corresponding negative thoughts and behaviors. We need to know what adversely impacts us to rationally respond. We cannot fix the complexity of our thoughts and behaviors unless we know what is broken. SAD is the most underrated, misunderstood, and misdiagnosed disorder. Nicknamed the neglected anxiety disorder, few professionals understand it, and fewer know how to challenge it. One has to experience it to know it and examine it to understand it.
We dread situations that provoke our fears of criticism and ridicule. We anticipate being judged negatively. We reject overtures anticipating rejection. Unless we are fortune tellers or mind-readers, assuming to know what another person is thinking or planning is irrational. It is a symptom of our condition.
We worry we might do or say something stupid. Fretting about something that may or may not happen is illogical. If it happens, it happens. We learn from it and move on. Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment eliminates opportunities and diminishes possibilities. These are not reasonable concerns. SAD sustains itself with our irrational thoughts and behaviors.
We define ourselves by our symptoms, rather than our character strengths. virtues, and attributes. We gravitate toward the negative aspects of a situation and exclude the positive. Why? Because we are more invested in our condition than in seeking a way out.
Tough love is loosely defined as love or affectionate concern expressed in a stern or unsentimental manner to promote awareness of self-destructive behavior. I’m going to project some tough love, here, because I know, from experience, we coddle ourselves. We feel sorry for ourselves. We blame our condition on all these external and internal attributions when the only genuine disservice is in our unwillingness to do something about it.
Once we know ourselves and know the enemy, there is nothing standing in the way of recovery It is rationally incomprehensible to choose otherwise. The process is theoretically simple. It is time-consuming, repetitive, and personally revealing, but it is not difficult. The choice is obvious. Seek recovery or do nothing.
SAD sustains itself by inflicting anxiety and fear, but anxiety and fear have no power on their own. We fuel them; we give them strength and power. We control our emotional well-being and quality of life, and only we can compel change.
WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT? ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.
