Monthly Archives: April 2023

The Problems with Relationships

Robert F. Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)

The need for human interconnectedness is at the heart of all emotional malfunction, but especially social anxiety disorder because of its symptomatic fears and avoidance of personal commitment. Our innate desire for friendship and intimacy is no less dynamic than that of any individual, but our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and image disrupt our ability to establish, develop, or maintain human relationships in almost any capacity. The spirit is willing, but competence is insubstantial. We crave companionship but our perceptions of undesirability and incompetence impede our efforts. Our low self-esteem and high self-criticism keep us from new possibilities. Our expectation of criticism and ridicule compels us to avoid social situations. Our fear of rejection results in isolation and loneliness.

Human interconnectedness is a complex system with broad emotional implications. Relationships come in sundry forms including collegial, family, intimate, and platonic. To effectively challenge our patterns of thought and behavior, we need to understand the different types of relationships to evaluate our inability or unwillingness to engage.

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SAD is a consequence of childhood disturbance – a broad and generic term for anything that interferes with our optimal physical, cognitive, emotional, or social development. Instability and insecurity originate in a toxic childhood. The disturbance may be major or minor, accidental or intentional, real or perceptual. (The imaginings of a child are legendary.) SAD and other emotional malfunctions sense our vulnerability and onset in adolescence. This fuels our core and intermediate beliefs with a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, undesirability, and worthlessness.

Natural human development is sustained by satisfying fundamental needs. Childhood core perceptions of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation negatively impact the satisfaction of basic biological and physiological needs. Subsequently, safety and security are impacted, as well as our innate desire to belong and be loved.

Physical, sexual, or emotional disturbance can negatively impact our early sleep patterns and sexual health. A child will have difficulty learning if they are hungry. Absent reliable parenting, we are less likely to feel safe or secure. A sense of detachment or abandonment imperils our sense of safety and belonging.

Belongingness is a yearning for human interconnectivity. We are social beings, driven by a fundamental human need for social interaction and interpersonal exchange. The necessity for personal connection is hardwired into our brains. Healthy relationships are important influences on our mental and physical health. They are essential catalysts to our emotional well-being and quality of life. Research has shown that social contact boosts our immune system and protects our brain from neurodegenerative diseases.

Research informs us that persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. Our symptomatic fears and anxieties aggravate this deficit. Our negative core and intermediate beliefs and image are directly implicated. Fortunately, our self-esteem is never lost, but latent and dormant. Underutilized positive self-properties that atrophy like the unexercised muscle in our arm or leg can be regenerated. 

Why do we have problems with relationships, with human interconnectedness? Let’s review some of the symptoms of social anxiety disorder. 

  • Fear of situations in which we may be judged negatively.
  • Worry about embarrassing or humiliating ourselves.
  • Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers
  • Fear that others will notice we look anxious.
  • Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling, or having a shaky voice.
  • Avoidance of doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment.
  • Anxiety in anticipation of a feared situation.
  • Intense fear or anxiety during social situations.
  • Harsh self-analysis of our performance and identification of flaws in our interactions after a social situation.
  • The expectation of the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation.

All these elements factor into our difficulties with relationships and impact our ability to communicate effectively. The lower our level of self-esteem, the less responsive we are to the needs and concerns of others. We cannot share what we do not possess.

Human interconnectivity is facilitated by communication. Words have enormous power; they are a source of compassion, understanding, and intimacy. Sixty percent of communication is represented by our body language. Until we hone our listening skills, however, words and body language may be insufficient. Healthy human interconnectivity is facilitated by compassion. That is evidenced by defining the various levels of listening and communication.

Because SAD persons are symptomatically self-obsessed, our fundamental means of communication is ignoring listening. The concerns and interests of the other are subverted by our insecurity. When we interact, the severity of our anxiety makes impedes our ability to focus on anything but our personal inadequacies.

An essential part of recovery is exposing ourselves to our feared situations. This happens only after we have learned to identify and rationally respond to our automatic negative thoughts and behaviors. Early exposure often results in counterfeit listening, which is a step up from ignoring but still unsubstantial. We ingratiate ourselves into conversations without contributing to them. We are unable to muster interest in or awareness of the needs or concerns of the other. Instead, we mirror them to be accepted. 

As we progress in recovery, we begin to engage in selective listening. We hear what we want to hear. We’re less interested in what the other has to say than we are in making a good impression. Afraid of appearing ignorant or boring, we only show interest in things that allow us to display our astuteness. We wait for topics to which we can personally relate, ignoring anything that doesn’t have the potential to make us appear viable. We’re not yet communicating well, but we are participating. Our skills are improving.

Our extensive work in recovery leads us to attentive communication. We are now making diligent attempts to consider the concerns of others. Our communication skills are becoming more responsive to their needs, interests, and desires. Attentive communication is authentic interconnectivity – relationships of shared experience and personal disclosure. 

There is an even more desirable form of interconnectivity, that of empathy. Empathetic communication is selfless interconnectivity that allows us to move beyond our beliefs and experiences and feel how the other feels as we participate in their presence. We seek first to understand rather than be understood.

Empathy is not sympathy. In the latter, we feel for someone; when we empathize, we experience someone. This opens the self to a novel participation, a being with and within the other. Empathy is generated through robust interconnectivity; it is an interactive and heightened method of communication that involves the verbal, the physical (sounds and gestures), and the intuitive (moods, and attitudes). Empathetic interaction is the most responsive and conscientious form of human interconnectivity.

Type of Relationship

To change our patterns of thought and behavior, we examine relationships by category to better evaluate the symptomatic causes and methods of resolution. The first step in learning how to establish, develop, or maintain relationships is to identify the type of personal affiliation. Each has its own components and is approached differently. The classic Greeks differentiated relationships by type, e.g., platonic, practical, sexual, and so on. This writing addresses seven primary types of relationships – eight if we consider the two forms of philautia: narcissism and self-esteem.

Friendship. Aristotle called philia one of the most indispensable requirements of life. A healthy camaraderie is a bonding of mutual experiences and personal disclosure. A core symptom of SAD is the fear of revealing something that will make us appear stupid, inferior, or undesirable. Even the anticipation of personal exposure can induce physical and emotional anxiety. We avoid committing to friendships out of our fear of being found wanting.

Sexually Intimate. Eros is reciprocal feelings of shared arousal between people physically attracted to each other, the fulfillment expressed by the sexual act. Our self-image of undesirability and unworthiness, coupled with fears of ridicule and rejection, challenges our ability to establish, develop, and maintain romantic relationships. Studies show that, due to our fears of intimacy and sexual incompetence, SAD persons experience less sexual satisfaction than non-anxious individuals. 

Unconditional. Through the universal mandate to love thy neighbor, the concept of agape embraces unconditional love that transcends and persists regardless of circumstance. To love unequivocally, however, one must self-love in the same fashion. As earlier indicated, persons living with SAD have significantly lower implicit and explicit self-esteem relative to healthy controls. One of the three major components of recovery is the regeneration of our self-esteem. 

Family. The disruption in our natural human development due to childhood disturbance can fracture satisfaction of basic biological, physiological, and safety needs. It can generate core beliefs of abandonment, detachment, or exploitation. These are ostensibly caused by the family unit. As a result, storge or familial love and protection, vital to the healthy development of the family unit, is severely affected. 

Playful or Provocative. Our conflict with the provocative playfulness of ludus is evident in our fears of criticism and rejection. We do not find social interaction pleasurable, anticipating anxiety and discomfort. Our negative self-perceptions generally manifest in awkward and inappropriate social behavior. 

Pragmatic relationships are formed by mutual interests and goals securing a working and endurable partnership. They endure through rational thought and behavior – a balanced and constructive relationship. The pragmatic individual deals with relationships sensibly and realistically, conforming to typical standards of conduct. Our SAD-induced fears are irrational and cognitively distorted, and our overriding objective is to avoid situations that most people consider normal. SAD persons are anything but pragmatic and logical.

The spectrum of self-love. Loosely translated as love-of-self, one end of the spectrum is narcissism, and the other is self-esteem.

Narcissism is a psychological condition in which people, according to the Mayo Clinic, “have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others.” It is the need for excessive attention, masking an unconscious sense of inferiority and inadequacy. 

Its opposite is self-esteem – the wherewithal to appreciate our value and significance to self and society. Healthy self-esteem is a prerequisite to loving others. By understanding and appreciating ourselves – our character strengths, virtues, and attributes as well as our defects, we open ourselves to sharing that authenticity with others.

Developing Healthy Interconnectivity

To address our inability to effectively establish, develop, and maintain relationships it is necessary to define the problem – the source and expression of the problem. This is facilitated by personal introspection, memory work, journaling, role-playing, and other tools and techniques that help us rationally respond to the negative self-beliefs that generated our lacuna of self-esteem. Outside of a comprehensive recovery program, there are some steps we can initiate on our own to change our patterns of thought and behavior. We:

  1. Identify the type of relationship we are having difficulty establishing, developing, or maintaining. It may be collegial (work), sexual, family, pragmatic (networking), social, short- or long-term, and so on. Each one is approached differently in recovery and resolution.
  2. Unmask our fears. What is problematic for us in the relationship? How do we feel (physically, intellectually, emotionally)? What are our specific concerns or worries? Are we afraid of rejection? Are we worried we will say or do something stupid? Are we concerned we will be criticized or ridiculed? 
  3. Identity our corresponding ANT(s). Automatic negative thoughts are our immediate, involuntary, emotional expressions of our fears. They are the self-defeating things we tell ourselves. “No one will talk to me.” I’ll say something stupid.” “I’m a loser.” She’ll reject me?” He’ll find me undesirable.”
  4. Examine and analyze our fear(s) and corresponding ANTs. What are the causes, thoughts, and images that precipitate and provoke them? It is these fundamental self-beliefs that impact our relationships.
  5. Generate Rational Responses. Our fears and ANTs are irrational. Once we have examined and analyzed them, and become mindful of their false assumptions, we devise rational responses to counter them.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

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WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT ESSENTIAL?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.  

The 3Rs of Recovery and Empowerment: Restructure, Replace, Regenerate.

Robert F. Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)

The goal of recovery from social anxiety is the moderation of our irrational fears and anxieties. To attain that, we focus on three objectives: we (1) replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones (2) produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) regenerate our self-esteem using methods targeted toward our individual personality.

The definition of recovery is regaining possession or control of something stolen or lost. Self-empowerment is making a conscious decision to become more confident and competent in controlling our lives. In emotional malfunction, what has been stolen or lost is our emotional well-being and quality of life. In self-empowerment, it is the loss of self-esteem and motivation. So, both recovery and self-empowerment deal with regaining or rebuilding what has been lost

Restructure, Replace, and Regenerate are complementary objectives.

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Restructure. All information notifies our neural network to realign, generating a correlated change in behavior and perspective. Our deliberate, repetitive, neural input of information that constitutes proactive neuroplasticity compels our brain to consolidate and accelerate the restructuring of our neural circuitry. 

Replace. To counteract our SAD-induced negative self-beliefs and images, we identify our maladaptive patterns of thinking, emotional response, or behavior and replace them with healthy new mindsets, skills, and abilities.

Regenerate. Through mindfulness (recognition and acceptance) of our character strengths, virtues, attributes, and achievements, we regenerate the dormant and latent properties of our self-esteem disrupted by childhood disturbance and the onset of our emotional malfunction.

Complementarity

Complementarity is a state or system of corresponding components combining in such a way as to enhance or emphasize the qualities of each other. We are concerned here with two systems: the complementarity of psychological and scientific approaches to recovery and the simultaneous mutual interaction of our mind, body, spirit, and emotions to support them. 

Complementarity is further defined as the inherent cooperation of our human system components in maintaining physiological equilibrium. That collaboration is essential for the sustainability of life, our condition, and recovery from said condition. 

Recovery and self-empowerment are individually expedited. Just as there is no one right way to do or experience learning and unlearning, so also what helps us at one time in our life may not help us at another. One-size-fits-all approaches to recovery and self-empowerment are exclusionary and inefficient.

We are best served by integrating approaches, developed through clinical study, client targeting, cultural assimilation, and therapeutic innovation. Our environment, heritage, experiences, and associations reflect our wants, choices, and aspirations. If they are not given consideration, then we are not valued. Recovery builds upon our strengths, virtues, and achievements. We do not triumph in battle through incompetence and weakness but with skill and careful planning. 

Complementarity in Recovery and Self-Empowerment

A coalescence of science and east-west psychologies is essential to capture the diversity of human thought and experience. Science gives us proactive neuroplasticity; cognitive-behavioral modification and positive psychology’s optimal functioning are Western-oriented, and Eastern practices provide the therapeutic benefits of Abhidharma psychology and the overarching truths of ethical behavior. Crucial to recovery and self-empowerment are individually targeted approaches that focus on the regeneration of our self-esteem.

We focus on the individual over the diagnosis through personality-based solutions. Training in prosocial behavior and emotional literacy support typical interventions. Behavioral exercises are used to practice social skills. Emphasis on the positive aspects of the human condition over pathographic models compensates for malfunction-induced negative self-beliefs and images. Data provide evidence for mindfulness and acceptance-based interventions. Motivational enhancement strategies help clients overcome their resistance to new ideas and concepts. Evidence-based solutions address issues of self-esteem.

Complementary of Our Human Components

Gestalt psychology considers the human mind and behavior as a whole. Radical behaviorism not only considers observable behaviors but also the diversity of human thought and experience. That calls for a collaboration of science, philosophy, and psychology. Philosophy, existentially defined, welcomes religious and spiritual insight. Gestalt theory emphasizes that the whole of anything is greater than its parts. Our mind, body, spirit, and emotions are interconnected parts of the whole that cannot exist independently of the whole or the parts. Each component overlaps, influences, and is interdependent on the others, albeit one dominates until superseded by another. They collaborate in the holism of our personality as the gestalt of our humanness.

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

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WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.  

The Recklessness of Shame in Emotional Malfunction

Robert F. Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)

One of the more identifiable characteristics of social anxiety disorder is our overriding sense of shame. This is in response to both internal and external attributions. Outside forces over which we have little to no control – public opinion, the media, stigma, and the pathographic health industry contribute significantly to our negative self-evaluation if we allow it. Since our early behaviors are not a factor, nor are we accountable for SAD’s adolescent onset, it is unreasonable to feel shame for the origins of our condition – yet we continue to do so. This is because our symptoms reflect incompetency and inadequacy. SAD tells us we are helpless, hopeless, undesirable, and worthless so, what is the point? The shame we feel is not so much for having social anxiety but for our unwillingness or perceived inability to challenge it.

This is the thing. While we are not accountable for the hand we have been dealt, we are responsible for how we play the cards we have been given. Shame is controllable. We have the means and the wherewithal. Holding onto shame is irrational. What is irrational? Self-harm is irrational.

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Shame is painful and incapacitating. It is the stomach-churning feeling of humiliation and distress from knowing we are not in control of our emotional well-being – and yet we should be. Shame adversely impacts our psychological and physiological health, further eroding our negative self-image and our self-respect. Self-recrimination for not managing our life is far more destructive than the symptoms of our condition. The shame of self-disappointment – that felt moral emptiness that pervades when we abandon our inherent ability and potential – is soul-crushing. And it is unnecessary.

Holding onto shame is not only irrational; it is reckless. The three objectives of recovery are (1) To replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) to produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) to regenerate our self-esteem. Unresolved shame counters and impedes these objectives. Rather than moderating our fears and anxieties, it exacerbates them. When we feel shame, we want to hide, to become invisible. Shame compounds our anxiety and depression, causing us to withdraw from the world and avoid human connectedness. We feel powerless, acutely diminished, and worthless. Yet these are the symptoms we want to resolve!

In many instances, shame can be revealing, cathartic, and motivational, promoting emotional growth and broadened self-awareness. But the shame of knowing we have the capacity to recover from that which has made our lives unbearable yet refuse to take advantage of it – that is untenable. In the memorable words of John Greenleaf Whittier, “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.”

Adding insult to injury, the shame of denying ourselves our inherent ability and potential leads to self-blaming. Especially pervasive in social anxiety disorder, self-blaming is an extremely toxic form of emotional self-abuse. We blame ourselves for our shortcomings. We blame ourselves for our lack of commitment or, when we commit, for not following through. We blame ourselves for our inability to achieve our goals and objectives. 

Recovery and self-empowerment require letting go of our negative self-perspectives, expectations, and beliefs, and opening our minds to new ideas and concepts. When we hold onto shame, we remain imprisoned by our recklessness and immobility.

The good news is it is not difficult to relieve ourselves of shame. We simply commit ourselves to recovery.

I invite anyone desiring to probe deeper into the origins and consequences of shame to access the extensive writings of Claude-Hélène Mayer and Elisabeth Vanderheiden including The Bright Side of Shame (2019) and Shame 4.0 (2021) (Springer Nature).

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

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WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional dysfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.  

Response- and Solution-Based Strategies for Recovery

Robert F Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

Subscriber numbers generate contributions that support scholarships for workshops.

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI – deliberate, repetitive, neural information.” – WeVoice (Madrid)

“Visualize this thing that you want. See it, feel it, believe in it.
Make your mental blueprint, and begin to build.”
– Robert Collier

There are multiple coping strategies utilized to alleviate stress including problem-focused, emotion-focused, social, and meaning-focused. They can be adaptive or unhealthy depending upon how they are utilized. We emphasize response-focused and solution-focused strategies for our purposes, but all options are considered and incorporated into a comprehensive recovery program.

The emotion-focused coping strategy focuses on reducing the emotions associated with a stressor while avoiding addressing the problem. Our recovery program emphasizes identifying the situation, associated fears, and corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts).

The problem-focused coping strategy uses the same tools and techniques as our solution-focused strategy. The difference is important, however. The disease model of mental health is pathographic or problem-focused, whereas the wellness model focuses on our character strengths, virtues, and attributes. Recovery is a here-and-now response, The past is immutable. We emphasize the solution over the problem.

Meaning-focused coping strategies entail rationalizing or delegating responsibility for our thoughts and behaviors to a moral or religious code or influence. Our recovery program emphasizes personal responsibility, self-reliance, and self-determination.

4. Social coping strategies are counterproductive to recovery from social anxiety which symptomatically resists social connectivity and finds healthy relationships problematic. They are useful, however, when one has regenerated their self-esteem to a level where they are comfortable in social situations. Avoidance-focused coping strategies are also counterproductive to the recovery of someone whose symptomatic modus operandi is avoidance of stressful situations.

To counter the emotional undercurrent of our situational fears and ANTs (automatic negative thoughts), we learn to respond rationally and intelligently. That is the response-focused element of a recovery program. The solution-based strategy, often neglected in recovery programs, puts theoretical recovery tools and techniques into actual practice. While it is necessary to know the enemy and know ourselves, the origins of our emotional instability are irrelevant. The focus of recovery is resolving or modifying our extant behaviors.

An essential component to moderating our situational fears and anxieties is devising a Feared Situations Plan that we practice in non-threatening workshop environments before exposing ourselves to the actual situation. Incorporated into that plan are coping mechanisms crafted for the specific situation.

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There are two types of situations: anticipated and recurring situations and unexpected ones. Planning for the latter is inherently unsystematic. We have assembled an emergency preparedness kit. The Feared Situations Plan is structured around those situations where we generally know what to expect. Both kit and plan utilize similar coping mechanisms.

The focus of this writing is designing a Feared Situations Plan for an anticipated situation that will become a template for similar types of situations. 

Let me restate the structure and components of a Plan for Feared Situations

1. Identify the Feared Situation – the place or circumstance that provokes our fears and anxieties. 

2. Unmask the Associated Fear(s) we anticipate will manifest during the Feared Situation

3. Unmake the Corresponding ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) – our immediate, involuntary, emotional expressions of our Fears.

4. Examine and Analyze our Situational Fear(s) and ANTs. These actions are implemented by various approaches including cognitive-behavioral self-modification, and positive psychology. 

5. Generate Rational Responses by deconstructing our Situational Fears and ANTs. 

6. Reconstruct our Patterns of Thought and Behavior. Through proactive neuroplasticity and other approaches, we replace or overwhelm our toxic thoughts and behaviors with healthy productive ones. 

7. Design our Feared Situation Plan to include: 

A. SUDS Rating. The Subjective Units of Distress Scale is a numbered, self-evaluation scale (1-100) that subjectively measures the severity of our Fears and the intensity of distress we feel about a Situation. 

B. Purpose. The primary motivation(s) behind our exposure to a situation. What do we seek to accomplish?

C. Persona. The social face we present to the Situation, designed to make a positive impression while concealing our social anxiety. 

D. Character Focus. Personal character strengths we emphasize to support our Persona. 

E. Distractions. Predetermined sensory objects to rechannel our stress during our Feared Situation. 

F. Diversions: Predetermined mental activities to rechannel our stress during our Feared Situation. 

G. Projected Positive Outcome. Reasonable expectations we set to ensure a positive outcome to our Feared Situation. 

H. Projected SUDS Rating. Our predetermined, reasonable projection of the severity of our Fears and the intensity of distress at the conclusion of our Situation. 

I. Strategy. Our predetermined outline or scenario of our Plan incorporating lines A. – H.

8. Practice the Plan in Non-Threatening Simulated Situations. We consolidate the effectiveness of our Feared Situations Plan in practiced exercises including role play and other workshop activities. Affirmative Visualization is a valuable scientific asset.

9. Expose Ourselves to the Feared Situation. We implement our plan in a real-life situation. This transpires after significant graded exposure to facilitate the reconstruction of our neural network and establish comfort and familiarity with the prescribed tools and techniques. 

Jeanine P.

Jeanine is a workshop graduate. She created a Feared Situation Plan to prepare her for a 3-day, work-related, out-of-town conference. Jeanine had recently been promoted, in her mid-thirties, to a major accounts managerial position in telecommunications. Jeanine’s social anxiety was severe when it came to associating with her peers. The upcoming conference included the other managers throughout the country – a male-dominated, competitive, and experienced group of about thirty colleagues.

1. Feared SituationAttending an out-of-town company conference.
2. Associated Fears1. I am new and inexperienced.
2. My participation will be criticized.
3. My peers will ridicule my shortcomings
3. Corresponding ANTs1. I will be judged negatively.
2. They will criticize my competency.
3. I will be ignored.
4. Examine and AnalyzeAssociated Fears and Corresponding ANTs
5. Rational Responses1. I belong here as much as anyone.
2. I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t qualified.
3. I am valuable and significant.
6. Design PlanDesign Plan
a. SUDS Rating75/100
b. PurposeTo demonstrate my competence and abilities.
c. PersonaI will dress professionally in moderate-size heels. I will exude warmth and confidence – think Meryl Street at the Oscars. I will slow talk quietly and with calm deliberation. I am a very qualified professional.
d. Character Focus1. I will emphasize my dependability – someone who will be supportive of others and who keeps to their commitments – a trustworthy asset to the entire group.
2. My resourcefulness will incentivize creative ways to demonstrate my viability and capabilities.
e. Distractions1. 2. Internally create stories about the individuals in the room.
2. Look directly at the nose of the person I am engaging.
f. Diversions1. Take extensive notes to prepare astute and relevant questions.
2.
g. Projected Positive OutcomeGeneral recognition by my peers of my value and qualifications.
h. Projected SUDS Rating65/199
I. StrategySee Below
8. Practice PlanIn non-threatening workshop settings. Visualize.
9. Expose Selfto Feared Situation.
Jeanine’s Feared Situations Plan

Strategy: By clearly articulating our strategy, we coalesce all the elements and coping mechanisms of our Plan into a gestalt. Gestalt theory emphasizes that the whole of anything is greater than its parts. It creates a mental scenario that helps us visualize the entirety of the situation.

Our strategy supports our three primary goals. (1) To replace or overwhelm our negative thoughts and behaviors with healthy, productive ones, (2) to produce rapid, neurological stimulation to change the polarity of our neural network, and (3) to regenerate the elements or self-properties of self-esteem. 

Visualization is a cognitive tool that compels our neural network to realize all aspects of a projected outcome. Scientifically supported through studies and neuroscientific understanding, Affirmative Visualization is a form of graded exposure. Its systematic desensitization reduces our fears and anxieties about the actual situation. We envision thinking and behaving in a certain way and, through repetition, attain an authentic shift in our behavior and perspective. 

Our brain provides the same neural restructuring when we visualize doing something or when we physically do it; the same regions of our brain are stimulated. Just as our neural network cannot distinguish between toxic and productive information, it also does not distinguish whether we are experiencing something or imagining it. Visualizing raising our left hand is, to our brain, the same thing as physically raising our left hand.

The more we visualize with a clear intent, the more focused we become and the higher the probability of achieving our objectives. Affirmative Visualization activates our dopaminergic-reward system, decreasing the neurotransmissions of anxiety and fear-provoking hormones, and accelerating and consolidating the beneficial ones. When we visualize, our brain generates alpha waves which, neuroscientists have discovered, can dramatically reduce the symptoms of anxiety and depression.

This is Jeanine’s strategy.

“I admit, I’m apprehensive about the work conference in Dallas, but that’s to be expected. Everyone wants to make a good first impression. I will be dressed professionally and present myself with confidence and quiet strength. I will deliberate before asking or responding to questions (slow talk). I will emphasize my dependability and resourcefulness – someone who can be counted on and solve problems. I have four excellent coping mechanisms if I start to feel unwarranted stress. By the end of the three days, I anticipate not only will I have impressed the others with my pleasant and confident demeanor, but I will also be recognized for my value and qualifications. Reasonable expectations are that I will impress some, but not all of my cohorts – everyone has self-baggage. I will, however, be generally considered a deliberate, professional, and supportive colleague. I expect to exceed my Projected SUDS Rating, but it is a fair and moderate benchmark for my success.”

That is a winning strategy from a woman with severe social anxiety who had convinced herself she would be criticized and ostracized by her peers which negatively impacted her career with the company and her emotional well-being. The situation remained consistent; Jeannine had dramatically moderated her perspective of and response to the situation. She was no longer subdued by her fears but had taken control of the outcome. “There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.” – Paulo Coelho

Proactive Neuroplasticity YouTube Series

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WHY IS YOUR SUPPORT SO IMPORTANT?  ReChanneling develops and implements programs to (1) moderate symptoms of emotional malfunction and (2) pursue personal goals and objectives – harnessing our intrinsic aptitude for extraordinary living. Our paradigmatic approach targets the personality through empathy, collaboration, and program integration utilizing scientific and clinically practical methods including proactive neuroplasticity, cognitive-behavioral modification, positive psychology, and techniques designed to regenerate self-esteem. All donations support scholarships for groups, workshops, and practicums.