Robert F. Mullen, PhD
Director/ReChanneling

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The distinction between social anxiety disorder and social anxiety is a matter of severity; reference to one includes the other. The recovery tools and techniques provided are applicable to most emotional malfunctions including depression, substance abuse, ADHD, PTSD, generalized anxiety, and issues of self-esteem and motivation. These malfunctions originate homogeneously, their trajectories differentiated by environment, experience, and the diversity of human thought and behavior. 

“Dr. Mullen is doing impressive work helping the world. He is the
pioneer of proactive neuroplasticity utilizing DRNI—deliberate,
repetitive, neural information.” — WeVoice (Madrid, Málaga)                    

Defense Mechanisms

“Unable to cope with fear and uncertainty,
a person resorts to denial, repression, compromise,
and hides behind the mask of a false self.”
― Kilroy J. Oldster, Dead Toad Scrolls

Defense mechanisms are temporary safeguards against situations challenging our conscious minds. They are mostly unconscious psychological responses designed to protect us from our fears/anxieties. 

Notwithstanding their label, many defense mechanisms support recovery when utilized appropriately. Some, like avoidance, humor, and isolation, need no explanation. Others such as compensation and dissociation have positive values in recovery. 

Without coping mechanisms, defensive or otherwise, we can experience decompensation – the inability or unwillingness to generate effective psychological coping mechanisms in response to stress – resulting in personality disturbance or disintegration.

Compensation

Compensation is a way to hide or avoid something we cannot do well, by doing something else. In other words, we overachieve in one area of our life to make up for failures or deficits in another. Example: A teenager compensates for learning difficulties by excelling in sports. In recovery, compensating for our negative thoughts and behaviors by replacing them with healthy and productive ones is appropriate compensation. Additionally, we compensate for our low self-esteem by recognizing and emphasizing our character strengths, virtues, and achievements. 

Like any approach, moderation is the key. It is easy, especially for those living with SAD, to overcompensate by setting unreasonable expectations or undercompensate by minimizing or dismissing our character flaws. Overcompensation can lead to perfectionism, with symptoms closely aligned with social anxiety.

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Denial

Denial protects us from thoughts and behaviors we cannot emotionally manage. Our inability or unwillingness to recognize trauma or symptoms of social anxiety is detrimental to recovery. Individuals experiencing drug or alcohol addiction often deny their habit, while victims of traumatic events may deny that the event ever occurred. SAD persons are disproportionately resistant to recovery because they deny its destructive capabilities as if, by ignoring them, they don’t exist or will somehow disappear. Our core sense of hopelessness and worthlessness does not encourage a willingness to accept our condition, which is a primary criterion for recovery. Denial allows us to lie to ourselves; it does not eliminate the situation.

Displacement

Venting our fears and anxieties on people or objects that are less threatening is displacement. An example would be the worker, reprimanded by his superiors, who goes home and kicks the dog. This defense mechanism is prevalent in SAD persons when we take out our situational frustrations and self-loathing on persons or things that pose a limited threat – a roommate, sibling, or significant other.

Dissociation

Dissociation is a disconnect from reality to shield us from distress and traumatic experiences. Theoretically, our mind unconsciously shuts down or compartmentalizes distressful thoughts, memories, or experiences. Daydreaming or streaming television to avoid conflict is a harmless form of dissociation. On the other hand, morphing into multiple personalities is a psychosis called DID (dissociative identity disorder).

In recovery, we deliberately dissociate ourselves from SAD as a mental exercise that helps us regenerate our self-esteem. We redefine ourselves by our character assets rather than our social anxiety. When we break our leg, we do not become the injured limb. We are someone experiencing a broken leg. 

Projection 

Projection is subconsciously denying our character defects but recognizing them in someone else. We project our negative behaviors onto someone else. For example, we might project our fears of negative evaluation by ridiculing someone else’s inept attempt at socializing. Often. when we instinctively dislike or avoid someone, we have projected our idiosyncrasies and inadequacies onto them. 

Rationalization

Rationalizing justifies our irrational thoughts and behaviors by inventing various explanations for them. Rationalizing defends against anything that threatens our emotional well-being. For example, we might rationalize not getting a raise to our manager’s personal feelings rather than our ineptitude. 

Repression

We often conflate regression with repression. Regression is reverting to an earlier or less mature stage of psychological development where we feel safe from emotional conflict. Repression is a psychological attempt to unconsciously forget or block distressing memories, thoughts, or desires. In recovery, our objective is to expose and deal with them as part of the self-discovery process. 

Ritual And Undoing 

Ritual and undoing attempts to undo negative predilections by performing practices or actions designed to offset them, e.g., confession and penitence to offset bad acts. Many turn to the ritual of substance abuse to atone for self-destructive thoughts and behaviors rather than resolve them. 

Undoing compensates for harmful activity by performing a behavior contrary to it. An example is donating to a homeless shelter to compensate for evicting tenants to build a condominium. Ritual and Undoing for positive gain can be a valuable coping mechanism. DRNI (deliberate, repetitive neural input), for example, is a ritual to facilitate neural restructuring by undoing (replacing) our negative thoughts and behaviors with positive ones.

COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS

Cognitive distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns that perpetuate our anxiety and depression. We twist reality to reinforce or justify our toxic behaviors and validate our irrational attitudes, rules, and assumptions. Our attitudes refer to our emotions, convictions, and behaviors. Rules are the principles or regulations that influence our behaviors, and our assumptions are what we believe to be accurate or authentic. Social anxiety and other emotional malfunctions paint an inaccurate picture of the self in the world with others. 

Understanding how we use cognitive distortions as subconscious strategies to avoid facing certain truths is crucial to recovery. SAD drives our illogical thought patterns. Countering them requires mindfulness of our motives and rational responses. Our compulsion to twist the truth to validate our negative self-appraisal is formidable; it is vital to understand how these distortions sustain our social anxiety. 

We are highly susceptible to cognitive distortions when under stress. They are emotional IEDs, capable of destroying our confidence and composure. Cognitive distortions are rarely cut and dried but tend to overlap and share traits and characteristics. That’s what makes them difficult to distinguish clearly. Because of their similarities, distinguishing one from the others is challenging, but as long as we remain mindful of their self-destructive nature, we can learn to recognize and even anticipate them to devise rational responses. After time and with practice, our reactions become automatic and spontaneous.

The number of cognitive distortions listed by experts ranges substantially. The following thirteen are particularly germane to social anxiety.

Always Being Right 

To someone who engages in this cognitive distortion, being ‘right’ is more important than the truth or the feelings of others. The core beliefs of a person with social anxiety are rigid; we dismiss new ideas and concepts. If the facts don’t comport with our beliefs, we dispute or disregard them, ignoring evidence that contradicts them – even if we doubt the veracity of our claims. Our insecurity is so severe our maladjusted attitudes, rules, and assumptions run roughshod over the truth and the feelings of others.

Blaming

Blaming is a negative thinking pattern where we wrongly assign responsibility for a negative outcome. Trapped within social anxiety’s cycle of negative self-appraisal, we see ourselves as victims. A victim needs someone or something to blame including others and self. The logical approach to our automatic negative thoughts is to examine and analyze our motivations and devise rational responses. SAD, however, subsists on irrationality. Until we master recovery, it is reasonable to search for avenues to unburden ourselves of responsibility – even for situations for which we are not accountable. 

Catastrophizing 

Chicken Little was plucking worms in the henyard when an acorn dropped from a tree onto her head. She had no idea what hit her and assumed the worst. The sky is falling, the sky is falling, she clucked hysterically. Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion that compels us to conclude the worst-case scenario when things happen to us rather than consider plausible explanations. It is the irrational assumption that something is or will be far worse than reasonably probable. We prophesize the worst and twist reality to support our projection. If our significant other complains of a headache, we assume the relationship is doomed. When this happens again, our belief is confirmed. Moreover, not only did we project the outcome, but it is likely we were a party to it.

Control Fallacies 

A fallacy is a questionable assumption. It is a belief based on unreliable evidence and unsound arguments. A Control Fallacy is the conviction that (1) something or someone has power and control over things that happen to us (external control), or (2) we hold that type of power over others (internal control). We believe life events are beyond our control, or we assume responsibility for everything.

Emotional Reasoning 

Emotional reasoning is making judgments and decisions based only on feelings – relying on our emotions over objective evidence. The colloquialism “my gut tells me,” defines this irrational thinking. Emotional reasoning dictates how we comprehend reality and relate to the world. At the root of this cognitive distortion is the belief that what we feel must be true. If we feel like a loser, then we must be a loser. If we feel incompetent, then we must be incapable. If we make a mistake, we must be stupid. All the negative things we feel about ourselves, others, and the world must be valid because they feel genuine. 

Fallacy Of Fairness 

The fallacy of fairness is the unrealistic assumption that life should be fair. It is human nature to equate fairness with how well our personal preferences are met. Wanting things to work in our favor is normal; expecting them to do so is irrational. When real life goes against our perceptions of fairness, it often generates negative emotions. Fairness is subjective, however, based on personal beliefs and experiences. Two people seldom agree on what is fair.

Filtering

When we engage in filtering, we selectively choose our perspective. Our tunnel vision gravitates toward the negative aspects of a situation and excludes the positive. This myopia applies to our memories as well. We dwell on the unfortunate aspects of what happened rather than the whole picture. We filter out the positive aspects of our lives, fixating on situations and memories supporting our negative self-image. This focus creates an emotional imbalance due to excluding healthy thoughts and behaviors. 

Heaven’s Reward Fallacy 

With heaven’s reward fallacy, we put other people’s needs ahead of our own with an expectation of reciprocation. Contrary to most who share this cognitive distortion, SAD persons are not seeking heavenly reward but acknowledgment in this one. We continually say yes to others while denying ourselves, We tell ourselves our motives are selfless, but we accommodate out of neediness and loneliness. Consummate enablers, we ingratiate ourselves and allow others to take advantage to compensate for our feelings of undesirability and worthlessness. 

Jumping To Conclusions 

When we jump to conclusions, we make assumptions about something or someone without factual substantiation. There are two forms of this cognitive distortion: Mind-reading is when we assume to know what another person is feeling or why they act the way they do. Fortune-telling is predicting an outcome without considering the evidence or reasonable alternatives.

Those of us experiencing social anxiety jump to conclusions with our automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) because the evidence we rely on is our fears/anxieties. ANTs are the unpleasant, self-defeating things we tell ourselves that perceptually define who we are, who we think we are, and who we think others think we are. Due to our SAD-induced negative self-appraisal, we can be reasonably sure our assumptions are self-defeating and predict adverse outcomes.

Labeling 

When we label an individual or group, we reduce them to a single, usually negative, characteristic or descriptor based on a single incident or behavior. As a result, we view them as their label and filter out information that contradicts our stereotypes. Labeling others leads to false assumptions, prejudice, and ostracizing. “Because he slurred his words, he’s an alcoholic.” “Because she watches Fox News, she’s a conspiracist.” 

Self-labeling is even more emotionally destructive. It sustains our negative self-appraisal. “I didn’t meet anyone at the party; I am undesirable.” “I gave the wrong answer in class; I am stupid.” Our distorted thinking and behaviors generate negative self-labeling. 

Overgeneralization 

When we overgeneralize, we draw broad conclusions or make statements about something or someone unsupported by evidence – arbitrary claims that can’t be proven or disproven. We can also overgeneralize if we base our determination on one or two pieces of evidence but ignore evidence to the contrary. We often base our conclusions on past events that are irrelevant to present situations. Overgeneralization is especially prevalent in persons experiencing depression or anxiety. Similar to filtering, where we ignore the positive and dwell on the negative, and polarized thinking, where we see things in black or white, overgeneralization is based on our tendency to assume the worst in a situation. 

Personalization

When someone says to us, “Don’t take it personally,” we are likely engaging in personalization. When we engage in this thinking, we link unrelated situations and random remarks to our behaviors, and random remarks are personally relevant. For those experiencing social anxiety, personalization is a consequence of our fears of criticism and ridicule or our false assumption we are the glaring center of attention. Personalization leads to negative self-criticism and low self-esteem. “Things would have worked out better if it hadn’t been for me.” 

Polarized Thinking

In polarized thinking, we see things as absolute – black or white. There is no middle ground, no compromise. We are either brilliant or abject failures. Our friends are for us or against us. We do not allow room for balanced perspectives or outcomes. We refuse to give people the benefit of the doubt. Worse than our anxiety about criticism and ridicule is our negative self-judgment. If we are not flawless and masterful, we must be broken and useless. There is no room in our self-evaluation for mistakes or mediocrity.

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